TheButterfly Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 For the first 3 months, what's normal when you start dating someone: Contact (phone/email/text) Daily, few times a week, once a week? Dates How many times a week would you expect to see them? Relationship Status After how many dates (length of time) would you call it a relationship? Random How soon would you expect to meet friends? How soon would you expect to meet family? (they're local) How soon would you expect to meet colleagues? As you can tell, i've been out of the dating game for a while and i'm trying yo find my feet again. I've met someone, but he seems to have very different answers to the above than me. I'm just curious what's normal before I talk to him about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I was just thinking about this exact same thing! I just met someone too and I would like to know the answers to this too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heavenearth Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I'm curious too, what do the women think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheButterfly Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 If it helps, i'll answer my own questions. I'm a woman btw. Contact (phone/email/text) Daily, few times a week, once a week? Me: few times a week Him: Daily Dates How many times a week would you expect to see them? Me: Twice Him: 4-5 times Relationship Status After how many dates (length of time) would you call it a relationship? Me: 2-3 months Him: 1 month Random How soon would you expect to meet friends? Me: 2 months, Him: 1 month How soon would you expect to meet family? (they're local) Me: 4 months, Him: 2 months How soon would you expect to meet colleagues? Me: 6 months, Him: 1 month Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
username1607307862 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 ok here is my opinion...well how id feel if i were dating someone.. Contact (phone/email/text): if you've been seeing him for 3 months then at least every second day? i'd text him one day and then wait till he texts me again to see what he's comfortable with? no point scaring him off Dates: i'd say once maybe even twice at three months, maybe one proper date then like once or twice just spending time with them maybe?? Relationship Status: I would think that after 5 weeks of dating and contacting each other its prob safe to call it a relationship - but i'd refrain from using that word until he does yano? Random: How soon would you expect to meet friends? Within maybe three weeks? How soon would you expect to meet family? (they're local) Maybe after a month or more? How soon would you expect to meet colleagues? Not for a long time i'd reckon? i dunno if that was helpful, i'm basing it on past relationships i've had - i hope it helps and can be used as a rough guideline anyway. best of luck, i hope it all works out well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
username1607307862 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 oh haha i just read your answers, he seems a bit keen, and you dont seem as fussed but give it a chance, and maybe tell him that with your work schedule or family or idunno, commitments of some sort, that you dont seem to be able to manage to see him as much as he'd like to see you??? but that may make him go off you - so be careful - but if you are uncomfortable then i'd prob say somethin like that. he seems a little intense tho to me... sorry but i hope that helped rather than freked you out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 This is how it's been for my dating relationships that became serious (and typically within the first two months or less) Contact (phone/email/text) Daily, few times a week, once a week? first month, after two dates or so - maybe once or twice a week calling, and when e-mail started becoming typical, several emails a week (not mass emails) Dates How many times a week would you expect to see them? once or twice in the first month, two or three times second month, and more like a solid three times a week in the third month or more - and starting to spend whole weekends together - it would be routine Relationship Status After how many dates (length of time) would you call it a relationship? Once we are exclusive which, for me, has typically happened within the first month or two of dating. Random How soon would you expect to meet friends? maybe after a month-two of dating How soon would you expect to meet family? (they're local) that really depends on his relationship with them and what it means to meet the family - I think typically it's been within the first few months. How soon would you expect to meet colleagues? Again really depends - probably not till we're exclusive unless it's unplanned. As you can tell, i've been out of the dating game for a while and i'm trying yo find my feet again. I've met someone, but he seems to have very different answers to the above than me. I'm just curious what's normal before I talk to him about it. This is just how it's worked for me in my 8 or so longer/serious relationships (over the past 27 years!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zachiphus Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Contact (phone/email/text) Few times a week. The girl I've been seeing texts me every night though, it just depends how comfortable you are with each other. But, this is just a generalization.... Dates How many times a week would you expect to see them? 2-3 is about right, unless you both have very busy schedules, then once a week is good. Relationship Status After how many dates (length of time) would you call it a relationship? About a month, and/or when he/she introduces you as his/her bf/gf. Random How soon would you expect to meet friends? ASAP, maybe hang out with all of them at someones house or something or meet up with all of them for a movie. How soon would you expect to meet family? After you have established that you are in a relationship How soon would you expect to meet colleagues?I guess whenever they stop by your work to say hi or go to lunch....? Just introduce them I don't like gerneralizing like this, but if it is obvious you both like each other then see each other more often. If you are unsure of the person or are still trying to connect with them, see each other less often at the beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I always liked taking things a bit slower in the beginning so you don't put your life on hold for someone you don't know well at all - also bc even if in the smittendom stage that feels right, it can end up being overhwelming for one or both people (even for the guy who is doing more of the asking!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I don't think you can answer this sort of question so easily. I think it varies for everyone. I noticed some of the replies above suggest a 'relationship' is official after a month or two. Me and my GF considered ourselves involved after just days - not months and we're in our 5th year! I think it depends on the 2 people involved. You both know what feels right or wrong between you. In my case me and my partner didn't really hold back. We both knew we wanted a good relationship and we both went at it without holding back - No ifs buts or maybes, we just went for it. We both really liked each other, wanted to try a relationship with each other and that was all we needed. At first I was shy but she gave me time to come out of my shell. Once we had the first kiss that was it - Our relationship grew rapidly - far quicker than some people would be happy with. We now have plans to get married (when we can afford to), have kids, try to buy a house etc. Not many people get into such a heavily involved relationship so quickly as they fear it will go wrong. If you like someone that much and they mean that much to you then you will do anything to work through those issues and make it work. IMO people who want to take it slow are just not sure from day 1 that they've met the right person or that they really want to be involved. Personally I wouldn't bother with someone who wanted to drag out the dating game over months. I prefer the straight up "I like you and want this to work" attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheButterfly Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 IMO people who want to take it slow are just not sure from day 1 that they've met the right person or that they really want to be involved. Personally I wouldn't bother with someone who wanted to drag out the dating game over months. I prefer the straight up "I like you and want this to work" attitude. This is an interesting point, but can I ask, did you know eachother before you started dating? I have only known this guy a few weeks. I hardly know him at all, and him me. Yes, we are attracted to eachother, but that means next to nothing in real terms. There are loads of people i'm attracted to that I couldn't have a relationship with. I have no idea if were compatible yet, it's too early to tell. I am interested in having a relationship, but I'm loathe to make a committment to a virtual stranger. Yes, I know his favourite colour, food, hobbies and all the normal stuff you find out in the early days, but I have very little sense of who he is. He's trying too hard right now, his true self won't be evident until he relaxes a little. I have told him I won't see anyone else though and I want to see where things go between us. I would feel awful if he brought me to meet his family etc..., introduced me as his girlfriend, and then in a few weeks, when I start to get to know the real him, I work out it's not going to work and call it a day. Seems unfair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheButterfly Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 oh haha i just read your answers, he seems a bit keen, and you dont seem as fussed but give it a chance, and maybe tell him that with your work schedule or family or idunno, commitments of some sort, that you dont seem to be able to manage to see him as much as he'd like to see you??? but that may make him go off you - so be careful - but if you are uncomfortable then i'd prob say somethin like that. he seems a little intense tho to me... sorry but i hope that helped rather than freked you out... I am finding it a little intense. It's not that i'm not interested, I just like having my own life too. If this is how it's always going to be with him, then we wouldn't make it as a couple anyway so I should say something to him. I need some space, he's driving me nuts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Personally I wouldn't bother with someone who wanted to drag out the dating game over months. I prefer the straight up "I like you and want this to work" attitude. So what if you have just met this person with whom you've become involved. Saying *I like you and I want this to work*, I would imagine is said to someone, when you have known them for a good while....a few months at least. You don't get to know somebody overnight and at the on start of a relationship, how do we know that we are going to like this person, that we want a full committment forever and ever with this person?? You need to get to know someone first before you decide that you want it to work... As I just said in another thread....women like to *feel out* a guy, before they will become heavily involved....and you advised a guy who was seeking advice, that this was a load of * * * * and bull, in so many words....and that if women are stalling, it's down to lack of interest....wth?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Is it possible you're dating the guy I dated in June? lol Asking a large amount of people this, you are bound to get many opinions from "you should see him 3 times a week immediately" to what's more reasonable to me "maybe 1 time a week" for the first month. From my experience, I found that the guy that was SO interested in me and was contacting me often (almost constant,) talks of meeting family, future, etc. etc... was fake as could be. He wasn't this happy/positive guy. It only took a few weeks to realize he was much different. I also think that maybe how much contact and all depends on age as well and where each person is at in their life. I've been setting my own little standards on how much contact here lately. (And before guy I dated in June.) If it feels like too much contact or too many expectations too early, I express that. I've not had that problem though with any of the guys I've been dating though. They seem more balanced within their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheButterfly Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 From my experience' date=' I found that the guy that was SO interested in me and was contacting me often (almost constant,) talks of meeting family, future, etc. etc... was fake as could be. He wasn't this happy/positive guy. It only took a few weeks to realize he was much different.[/quote'] This guy claims to be bored of short term relationships and wants something deeper. I've only ever had long term relationships so we're coming from two different backgrounds. I find him all a bit too intense, 'clingy' even. But, I am far more reserved than most in the beginning so it could just be me. I will talk to him about what I need/expect/want. I was reluctant to have the conversation without having some idea of what the dating world is like these days. I'm sure we can compromise. I am scared though that this is all an act. He's very into me, and i'm a basic stranger. He too talks of the future, kids, travelling, holidays etc ... Maybe it is your guy! Worrying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 This guy claims to be bored of short term relationships and wants something deeper. I've only ever had long term relationships so we're coming from two different backgrounds. I find him all a bit too intense, 'clingy' even. But, I am far more reserved than most in the beginning so it could just be me. I will talk to him about what I need/expect/want. I was reluctant to have the conversation without having some idea of what the dating world is like these days. I'm sure we can compromise. I am scared though that this is all an act. He's very into me, and i'm a basic stranger. He too talks of the future, kids, travelling, holidays etc ... Maybe it is your guy! Worrying! Are you in the US? Midwest? The guy I dated too was interested in a serious relationship only, ready to settle down, get married in the next year. Mr. You are everything I've ever wanted and I just know God sent you to me! was how he came accross. Mr. I will do everything in my power to make sure you are happy because you are the most beautiful women blah blah blah blah blah. I knew all along that it was bs. I still gave him a shot. It took about 4 weeks for him to burn out. Men that come on like this seem to have short attention spans and really enjoy the chase and catch and then they are done. Maybe that's why they don't have long term relationships. Just my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desert_rose26 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I'm worrying too for you...hopefully it's not a faker..hate those..I knew this guy who chatted up a lot of people...really outgoing..asked for my number and called me and left a message and I hardly knew him... but still he wasn't really sincere...I could tell just by the way he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheButterfly Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Men that come on like this seem to have short attention spans and really enjoy the chase and catch and then they are done. Maybe that's why they don't have long term relationships. Just my opinion. No i'm in the UK, but I suppose these guys are everywhere! I have wondered exactly why he hasn't had any significant relationships for a number of years. He says he hasn't met the right girl, but i'm wondering if your point about it being all about the chase is relevant here? Or maybe they got scared off by his intensity? I have been wondering if I should just bail out now before he gets more attached. He is very much enjoying the chase. I'm not playing hard to get, but i'm definitely not on his level in the interest stakes. I'm worrying too for you...hopefully it's not a faker..hate those..I knew this guy who chatted up a lot of people...really outgoing..asked for my number and called me and left a message and I hardly knew him... but still he wasn't really sincere...I could tell just by the way he is. I really hope he's genuine, but it's so hard to tell! argh ... more confused now. I wish it was straightforward! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 No i'm in the UK, but I suppose these guys are everywhere! I have wondered exactly why he hasn't had any significant relationships for a number of years. He says he hasn't met the right girl, but i'm wondering if your point about it being all about the chase is relevant here? Or maybe they got scared off by his intensity? I have been wondering if I should just bail out now before he gets more attached. He is very much enjoying the chase. I'm not playing hard to get, but i'm definitely not on his level in the interest stakes. I really hope he's genuine, but it's so hard to tell! argh ... more confused now. I wish it was straightforward! Yeah... I wondered that too. Wow this guy is really into me!? I don't want to hurt him - what if I can't live up to his expectations and I bail and do hurt him? That combined with all the other chase and constant contact to me is reason to be concerned... If you decide to continue to talk to him, don't worry about him - worry about you. If he fades away or whatnot, he does - it won't be the end of the world and I can tell you are well grounded and know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 What about sex? When does sex enter the picture? Seems lot of men PUSH FOR SEX VERY EARLY in a relationship, as in like the 2nd or 3rd date!!!!!!! Anyone find this to be true? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 This is an interesting point, but can I ask, did you know eachother before you started dating? Slightly. We'd seen each other around but never really spoke. That was it. I'd never actually even thought of a relationship with her until her friend told me she liked me. I knew nothing about her - Nothing! I was there one day when she was with her friend and we slowly got talking. I was very shy, she knew it. We swapped text messages and at the end of the week (having met up every day) we both knew we really liked each other enough to try a serious relationship. I'm not saying its an instant on the spot thing but you can tell very quickly if you both like each other enough to be serious. In our case it was 5 days. I have only known this guy a few weeks. I hardly know him at all, and him me. Yes, we are attracted to eachother, but that means next to nothing in real terms. Actually it means a lot. If me and my GF had that attitude when we met I can guarantee we wouldn't be together now! We liked each other, wanted to make it work and we MADE it work. There was no choice - We make it work and stay together or we don't put in the effort and its over quick. Its all about how much you really like each other and how hard you are willing to try. I have no idea if were compatible yet, it's too early to tell. Then you have to make yourselves compatible if you really like someone. You both have to work on your faults. When I first met my GF I used to drink HEAVILY. She made it clear she didn't like it so I stopped instantly (to the amasement of everyone who thought I was an alcoholic!). I've never drunk again since! Thats just one example. I was serious about her and likewise she was about me - She gave up smoking for a shot at our relationship. Its like anything, the more you put in, the more you get out. So what if you have just met this person with whom you've become involved. You have to give it a few days. It took us 5 days to get to know each other and on the 5th day we both knew we wanted a serious relationship with each other at almost any cost. We've both made changes to ourselves, our bad habits, our routines etc. Obviously that isn't the sort of thing you can determine on the 1st date (though some people have and have stayed together!) but I'd definitely say, weeks, months etc is a long time. I'll also say we both worked at the time so we only ever met up in the evenings for around 3-4 hours and I'd walk her home. 5th day she stayed the night and we've been together since. Saying *I like you and I want this to work*, I would imagine is said to someone, when you have known them for a good while....a few months at least. It doesn't actually have to be said in reality. You both enter a relationship looking for that special something right? - If you go into it half hearted its doomed to fail from the start. If you're going to date this person you have to make every effort otherwise you're both wasting time. As said above it took us 5 days. You don't get to know somebody overnight and at the on start of a relationship, how do we know that we are going to like this person, that we want a full committment forever and ever with this person?? You need to get to know someone first before you decide that you want it to work... Generally if you can read people you'll know quite quickly whether or not you like someone enough to pursue the relationship. As I just said in another thread....women like to *feel out* a guy, before they will become heavily involved Some yes. Others no. My GF wanted to get to know me of course but I held nothing back. I answered all questions, told her anything she wanted to know etc. I also made it clear I was shy but I did like her. She had a slight problem with that but on the 5th day she knew me well enough ....and you advised a guy who was seeking advice, that this was a load of * * * * and bull, in so many words....and that if women are stalling, it's down to lack of interest....wth?? 1) Please don't use that language at me again or I simply won't respond and I'll report your post. 2) Please keep on topic. Not all advice relates to EVERY situation or topic. Different types of people have different types of advice that are suitable. The woman involved in the other topic clearly has issues. In this thread I am talking about people who in general do not have issues or problems. thereforee the advice in this thread is suitable to this thread only and not that one. I treat each thread on a case by case basis. I don't like to generalise my advice as no 2 situations are the same. 3) I didn't suggest lack of interest. I suggested mind games and that she was throwing hurdles for him to jump through. I also examined other possible scenarios which 2 of her friends had suggested. 4) If you feel threatened by my advice then thats a personal issue between us. You're more than welcome to PM me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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