starbucks_is_meth90210 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I've been with this girl for going on 11 months now. I have not been a saint in our relationship. In the first month we were dating, she told me she loved me. That scared me, so I went and talked to my ex, with whom I was not serious. We discussed getting back together, but we didn't. Well, my girlfriend later read my IM logs and * * * * hit the fan. So I had to stop talking to her and another one of my ex's, who I had no plans of getting together with. So things went smooth for a while. Eventually she told me she didn't want me talking to any of my chick friends because she thought I "have weird little crushes on all of [my] female friends" because I would talk to them whenever my girlfriend and I are fighting. So I stopped talking to all of them, which has pretty much left me friendless. Then she found out that I watch porn. I'm a guy, most guys do. She installed a parental control program on my PC to make sure I don't watch it. I've gotten past the things, she's found out, and she's hit me. Also, every time I see her (in between semesters at college we live two hours apart) she asks me to bring my computer, or the first thing she does when she comes over is look at my history on my computer, and look for any correspondance between me and anyone else. I now have to delete things she might even imagine would be me cheating on her or something. Before she comes over or I go see her, I meticulously go through all of my history, temp files, everything to make sure there's nothing on there that would make her hit me, yell at me, threaten to leave me and kill herself, etc. She got into my email and found out all my passwords for everything. I eventually changed them, claiming I thought my sister knew them, but she demanded I tell her or she'd leave me. I told her. She regularly checks on my email, IMs, and Facebook/MySpace, et cetera. Honestly I don't have much to hide, but I'm a very private person, and it creeps me out that she will most likely find everything that I tell anyone. So now the only thing I use my computer for is homework and World of Warcraft (which we play together). I pledged a fraternity, but it took up a lot of my time, and she didn't like that at all. A lot of frat things are secret, but she would threaten to leave me if I didn't tell her where I was or what I was doing at any moment, be it via text or phone call or whatnot. I remember I had to go get a sweetheart once (basically a fraternity cheerleader) and take her to the chapter room, and she was yelling at me the whole time while I was waiting on her to come out of her apartment, and she was yelling at me in front of the girl. I eventually hung up and turned my phone off. I'm not a very attractive guy, I don't have girls crawling all over me. But she thinks that every girl wants me and that I will screw anything with two legs. She always brings up my past relationships, saying I only ever wanted sex (regardless of the fact I was a virgin before I met her) and let girls use me, and calls me stupid for that. My ex-roommate makes stuff up about me, saying that I only dated some girl (who is his ex) because she had big boobs, and tells her this. For some reason we were talking about bras, and I thought her boobs were 38D, and she got upset and said "No, they're 38C. Why don't you go find and f*ck Becky, she had the boobs you like." She always brings up my past, saying that I'm just like any other guy and only wants sex. When we argue, I'm always so scared to say anything because whenever I say something in my defense. Every time I do, she automatically gets angrier. So I always just say that I'm sorry I did [insert random allegation here] and I'm such a bad boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like she's my parent. I wanted to go see "Dark Knight," but I said that I'd go see it with her before anyone else. I don't get to spend much time with my little sister anymore, so I went to go see it with her. I told my girlfriend we were going to see another movie. When Dark Knight ran longer than the movie, she called and texted furiously, saying that I was cheating on her and that we're through if I didn't call her right then. So I said I was going to the bathroom and stepped outside the theater to call her. We argued for 15 minutes. I kept telling her I had to go back into the theater because my sister was alone, but she kept yelling at me. When I got home and called her, there was about a 5 minute discrepancy between the time I got home and the time I called. She accused me of cheating or something then. But that subsided. When we talked about me lying to her and going to see the movie, she said "So, I'm going to let you choose your punishment." Sometimes it really seems like the only way she's happy is if I'm in my room all day long on the phone with her. But I have things I have to do, things I want to do. I tell her that I'm going to bed at about 11:30, and we get off the phone. In reality, I stay up hours later to have some time of solitude to watch TV, play with my pet rats, play guitar, or read. I let her do things she wants to do, be it go to parties, get drunk, go to the movies, go out of town until 3AM, etc. I trust her, I know she won't do anything, but sometimes I feel like I'm not getting the same courtesy. My family went on a trip to NYC this summer. I love that city so much. She hated the idea of me going, because when her ex went on a vacation several states away, he cheated on her multiple times. She begged and pleaded for me not to go, but I went anyway. I know that sounds callous, but I haven't gone on a family vacation for years. She hated it. Every time I called, she was in tears, yelling at me for going, saying she hated me and such. I could only have privacy to speak to her in the fire escape stairwell in the hotel, but that got very cramped very soon. When I told her I had to get off the phone because the small quarters was scaring the hell out of me, she would get furious. Also, she said she was almost raped while I was in NYC, but she got out of it by saying she was pregnant, which she's not. She also said he took her ID when he stopped trying to penetrate her. She was very convincing. But I saw her ID. Granted, I very well may have been mistaken about him taking her ID, and she says I was, but I swear I remember her saying that he took her ID. I think she was trying to get me to feel guilty for going on the trip. This weekend she read my text messages to an old friend that lives in the NY area. The minute we got alone, she punched me in the jaw. I started to gather my things and leave her house, but she said she was sorry and actually got on her knees and begged me not to leave. So I stayed. Recently I told her I was molested as an adolescent. Now she won't let the subject go, and constantly wants to talk about it, regardless of how many times I tell her to stop. Before you think she's a psycho control freak, just know she's gone through a lot. She's been raped and molested since she was four, beat, shot, and definitely has a lot of mental problems. But when she's happy, she makes me very happy. When we're apart or she's upset, everything is horrible. Is she abusive to me? If she is, what can I do to help the situation? How can I keep her happy without me being miserable? I'm very sorry that this is so long. It's more of a rant than anything, so please don't flame me for not condensing it or anything. I just need some help making my gf happy, that's all. Thank you all. Link to comment
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