How can i deal/handle/get past this...

[Elizzy09]

Ok so i need a bit of help. I love my bf to death...weve been together almost 3 years. In the past, he's admitted to 'screwing around' with a couple girls. Since then, weve broken up and gotten back together; but only AFTER i forgave him. I know generally who the girls were, never formally met them, but know of them i guess you could say.

The other day, my bf and i went to the community pool, and sure enough, one of the girls was there. Granted, he only made out with these girls(this one while grinding at a party?!) but it still hurts and whenever we saw her, i felt so many emotions!..embarrassed, hurt, stupid...its hard to explain. Like here i am, clinging to my bf, and there she was, knowing he had me then and still does...yet she did stuff with him. I know, so high school

 

 

Has anyone ever experienced this or can explain it better? How can i deal and get past it?

[dreamwarrior]

Listen hon, although this never happened to me before or that I am aware of...and if it did he would be history....now if he did this while you were broke up then that is a different story, since when people break up they don't think they will get back together, but if he did this to you while you were together then you have to keep your honor and tell him to get lost.

 

For sure your trust in him will always be on guard and always be thinking what is he doing or where is he at, and who is he with every time he goes out....you deserve better...trust is very very important and if you have any doubts then you must evaluate this relationship.

 

Take care and good luck

[Elizzy09]

this happened a long time ago, probably a year. It was while we were technically together...but kinda on the rocks. I am not leaving him, already did that and did my own thing for a while, realized i loved him and wanted him; and got him back.

 

For me, its just seeing those girls around...like at the pool. Just knowing that stuff makes me want to throw up

[lillybee1982]

this happened a long time ago, probably a year. It was while we were technically together...but kinda on the rocks. I am not leaving him, already did that and did my own thing for a while, realized i loved him and wanted him; and got him back.

 

For me, its just seeing those girls around...like at the pool. Just knowing that stuff makes me want to throw up

 

It makes you want to throw up because deep down inside you resent him for what he did, and like you said... you feel like a fool. Those girls did not make you feel like a fool then, and they are not doing now. It's him that is making you feel that way. Because you really don't trust him do you? You probably feel weak for wanting someone back that would betray your trust to begin with. And seeing those girls there reminds you of what he did and how easily he could run into a situation like what happened before... because he already did it.

 

Not saying that he will repeat his actions. He did admit it to you, but who knows what else happened he did not mention. Could have been worse than he told you. But him telling you was about HIM relieving HIS guilt. Not to do you a favor. Because if he was really sorry and believing he would never do it again, then he would have confessed to himself what an idiot he was and NEVER do it again. Telling you was a guilt cleaner and a way to test the waters to see what you will tolerate or not.

 

I could be wrong... but who was the one that ran back to who? You to him right? Not the other way around. Even though the men who run back after a betrayal are known to cheat again too. So it's up to you, but realize like another poster said... your guard is always going to be up, your trust in him will never be the same... and the respect was gone for you the day he did what he did...and it was not just with one person. You can't have a relationship with that missing. Unless he is truly changed for the better. Have you changed for the better given his actions? You have changed in your relationship but not in a good way in my opinion.

[Elizzy09]

Thanks for the posts. Any tips on how to overcome these feelings though? Esp around these girls?

[lillybee1982]

Thanks for the posts. Any tips on how to overcome these feelings though? Esp around these girls?

 

 

My post basically said what I would do.... I don't think you trust him, and that's why you feel this way. Those girls are not the ones making you feel bad.

 

Re-read my post

 

In a nutshell... to answer your question:

 

The only way to not feel that way is to begin to trust him again, and let the past be the past... or get out of the relationship because he messed it up for both of you and you will never be able to trust him fully.