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After so many years sorting out my feelings re: love, I've encountered for the first time since my ex the thrill of romantic love. By romantic love, I mean the thrill of infatuation that so many people confuse with 'true' love. It was something that I thought I'd trained myself against, but was rather pleased to find myself still capable.


What pleases me, on top of the natural high, is that I can recognize it for what it is. I know I'm moving out of the country soon and that no matter what I might feel, here, there's nothing rationale that can be done about it on the physical front. I like her so much that if I were to make the moves necessary for that stuff, things would become weird not only for myself but for all the other people involved. This fact instantly excluded a truly 'intimate' relationship and left me free to enjoy my infatuation, free from all that.


I feel light when she talks to me. I grin seeing her happy. Just listening to her laugh is enough to make my day. What a feeling!


I've told her as much, though with a tinge of humor. Honestly, it does strike me as funny, the enjoyment of it. I'll be walking with her and I'll say something corny like, "Seeing you is like coming into port after a year on a stormy sea, feeling the sun as though for the first time." Silly stuff like that. She'll laugh and ask me if I plan this it but, no, it comes from the thrill of this thing. A lot of fun.


Very exciting moment due to the notion that I'd never have this sensation ever again. Anyone else ever had this experience?


Reitterated via Sinatra:


Why not use your mentality - step up, wake up to reality?

But each time I do just the thought of you

Makes me stop just before I begin

'Cause I've got you under my skin.

Yes, I've got you under my skin.


It's absurd, but I appreciate absurdity.

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