How do you get over someone you still want?

[Soul_Seeker]

For those who have not read my previous (long) post, a brief summary of my story is as follows:

 

My boyfriend of 5yrs broke up with me just before Christmas. His reasons were that he felt pressure from the relationship, our differences were too great and he wanted freedom. I haven't seen him since Christmas Eve – we kinda ended as good friends with the intent to stay in contact. My last contact with him was on New Years Day (phone call), which he initiated.

 

I do want to get back together with him, but I know that I should give him his space so that he can sort out his thoughts and feelings. As much as I would love to, I've kept to the no contact rule (admittedly, it has really only been one week). If there is no contact between us for the next two months or so, will I even have the opportunity to try reconciliation?

 

I know that I should treat this time as time to grieve, get over him and move on with my life but sometimes I can't help but wonder if I sit back and don't contact him in anyway, it gives him a more concrete reason to move on.

 

In the 5yrs that we were together, I had contemplated and discussed a break up about 2 or 3 times. We have never really broken up for any length of time before this final one. I personally believe that in such a case, it would be worthwhile to try again because we have never experienced separation before. Being apart forces you to look at the relationship from a different perspective and I truly believe that I have learnt so much that would help strengthen our relationship. I'm just scared that even after given his time, my ex won't want to hear about my new found knowledge or say that it's just too late. It doesn't seem fair…

[Frodo Baggins]

Your worries are very relateable, especially with the time separation thing. You worry that maybe the other person will move on or think you've lost interest, and it's okay to feel that, those are natural fears. But you'll find that it is more of an internal fear than an actual problem; the time apart gives you the opportunity to develop your ability to basically live alone and become self-sufficient. You've already grown considerably as far as perception, which is really impressive, but there is still a lot left to go. What's important here is faith, faith in your boyfriend's commitment to the relationship.

 

If he is committed to the relationship, then you have nothing to really worry about, since you know and are confident that he will come back. If it results that he wants to move on (and that would have been something he had in mind before the separation, not because of the separation) then you'll have strengthened yourself enough from the hiatus to be better able to accept it and move on yourself. This is really a test for both of you, to see how committed he is and how strong both of you are.

[jd21]

I can definitely relate to your situation. My ex broke up with me 3 months ago after dating for almost 3 years. His reasons were very similar to your ex's. It has been very hard but I know I am doing much better now that I look back at the 3 months that have passed. To answer your question about no contact, he of course will not forget about you. It wasn't some short, unmeaningful relationship. You were together for 5 years and I'm sure shared a lot. You don't just forget that. If you do not contact him then this will give him time to miss you and most importantly, for you to heal. I have been trying the no contact thing for about a month now and he actually has started to contact me, just asking how I'm doing. It's not much but I guess it shows he's thinking about me. This is the same guy who right after the break up did not contact me at all. I was the one who called and begged and pleaded for him to want to try again. This obviously wasn't working so I figured why not try not contacting him. It might make him miss me and start rethinking his decision and it will show that I am moving on, which many ex's do not like to see. Even if he does not come back, I've given myself time to heal which is so important. I think you should do the same. I know it's hard and I've fought so many urges to call him. When I get the urge I either think about the conversation we'd have and how it will make me feel worse after or I'll keep myself busy. I hope this helps.

[crookster_man]

Some times the best thing for us is the thing we desire the least. The purpose of any relationship is to teach us things about our self and the world around us. thereforeeee, as long as you learn something, every experience can be a positive learning one.

 

The fear and doubt you feel is natural, but rest assured that things will find a way of working out in the end. As long as you search for the positive in everything, it will be easier to bare the hardships.