How do I read this from this girl?

[Luke Skywalker]

I asked a girl out to meet up this week and she suggested that we meet at an office social function instead about a couple of weeks later.

 

Here's the background:

- I asked her out twice and twice she said yes. The first time I couldn't fit anything in my schedule, and the second time I left a message on her line but my cell phone cut out, and I'm not sure if she called me back (and didn't leave a message) or not on the space of time my cell phone was offline.

 

Thus, I call her this third time and ask her if she wants to meet up again, and she suggests that I go to an office get together with her or something.

 

Now I'm a bit confused as to what this means. I'm not going to pursue her until at least after the date of that picnic in the time being, but now I'm worried I may find out a nasty suprize if I go. Like, suppose she has a boyfriend or other guys that are there, or suppose she brings her friends and I'm like intimidated to be around her as her friends may say critical things abou tme, etc... Is she avoiding one-on-one dates with me?

 

Or, maybe I'm reading too much into this, and if I'm available on that date, then I should go to the picnic, and if I'm not, for whatever reason, then I may pursue her further after that and either fish or cut bait from that point on.

 

I don't understand an office picnic concept because it's too public, and it's not private enough like a normal date, so I don't know what to make of this. It's difficult to pin this down as a rejection or let down, I'm just confused as to the message.

 

Any ideas?

[DN]

The first date I went on with a girl once was when she invited me to her office Christmas Party.

 

Turned out just fine.

[Luke Skywalker]

The first date I went on with a girl once was when she invited me to her office Christmas Party.

 

Turned out just fine.

 

In this case, we work in the same office.

[NewLogic]

Hiya! New here.. just wanted to say:

 

Maybe you can use this opportunity to flirt with her, try to get her to laugh, and generally like you more. Then at the end of the office party, if you two are enjoying each other's company, you could ask her out for dinner or something.

 

What other option do you have? Not go? I think that would be even worse. After 3 times she might just think you're messing with her.

[bostonbruins24]

If I was highly interested in a girl I know I would find the time to fit her into my schedule.Perhaps she thinks that you are not that interested in her,thus her less than enthusiastic response.

[Luke Skywalker]

If I was highly interested in a girl I know I would find the time to fit her into my schedule.Perhaps she thinks that you are not that interested in her,thus her less than enthusiastic response.

 

Very well, I think this is the direction that I would like this to go.

 

Firstly, I think my personal trend is to go away from one-on-one dates and stay in a group type of setting, or to socially network since I'm socially anxious around girls in one-to-one settings and am liable to freeze up anyway, memorise script lines as thought I'm play-acting, or ramble on stuff just to feel less nervous.

 

Secondly, I do wish to err on this particular side. I've gone crazy for girls before and it ended VERY badly. Having explored the other extreme, it's now time to try an opposite policy. This is an office. If something goes nasty it's going to poison the environment and I cant allow that to happen.

I've purposed to virtually err on the side of delay, not being that interested, and really not caring all that much. If she's meant to be in some capacity in my life, and it's God's will that she should be in my life and she has a good purpose to be there, then I think that it will work in the end anyway. Maybe sometime in the future there will be a more balanced policy.

Right now, it can fall through the cracks on delay and it's acceptable - but going psycho is not acceptable. I did that with one girl and we haven't written to each other since.

 

Thirdly, while I would like a relationship, fundamentally, I don't have room for this in my life. There are too many dynamics that form a bit of a drag in my life to make it natural for a relationship to form. I think these things really have to go naturally and just come together rather than having to force it.

 

So, even if I'm really interested in a girl, at this stage in my life, if she's meant to be, then I can be weeks or months (or even years) rather than being in a rush and going psycho.

[Luke Skywalker]

I've decided not to go to the picnic despite confirming with her a couple of nights ago. I felt a heaviness about going and just wasn't into the idea of going on a picnic today (when that happens every little excuse to delay getting organized can just derail you) and decided to relax at home instead. thereforee, I've decided to forfeit.

[Luke Skywalker]

Update:

 

I said hi to this girl again in the office. At first I was shy to go into her office because I felt I didn't show up to the picnic and asked her out like three times before. Plus she seemed really friendly with other guys, and didn't talk to me while I sat next to her on a meeting which occurred earlier.

 

She said I should have gone to the picnic as it was really allot of fun. I sat down and chatted with her and hung around her office for about a half hour.

 

Another agent came in and saw us together after fifteen minutes, and seemed to undermine the Real-Estate advice I was giving her and basically make me look like an idiot there. Oh well, I guess I made someone feel threatened.

 

As mom said, and I feel, she's probably not the right girl as she's two years older than me, not really the same faith, and obviously, I asked her out a few times and didn't properly follow up, so I don't think I'll pursue anything further than occasionally friendly chats with her since that seems to be the best fit for her in my life, and vice-versa.

[NewLogic]

Update:

 

Another agent came in and saw us together after fifteen minutes, and seemed to undermine the Real-Estate advice I was giving her and basically make me look like an idiot there. Oh well, I guess I made someone feel threatened.

 

Don't let that chump undermine you! You gotta argue your point and prove your higher value. Display some alpha male traits. Chicks dig that

[Luke Skywalker]

I just got a text message from her today saying that she really likes that personal note I left in her mailbox stating that I enjoyed that last meeting.

 

I'm stunned and do not know what to do. I just relaxed and looked at some parts of a DVD movie in my computer and didn't know how to react to that. I suppose I'm a textbook example of a nice guy or something.

 

I've already asked her out three times and flaked out on her and acted like a wimp when I was confronted by that guy. I suppose she's just being polite.

 

Man, I'm hard up for an attractive girl in my life, and sometimes it just rubs into me funny. Just today, after viewing parts of that DVD, I went to the gym to exercise and went on a threadmill machine that had a TV connection on it. Then I saw another attractive girl on the cycle that did not have a Tv connection. I gave her a weak smile and proceeded to the threadmill for the Tv connection, but the TV wasn't working. Something just felt weird inside, like I wished I talked to that girl, and I just left the gym afterwards. She was working out on another part of the gym while I was walking out of there. That feeling of mind of just wanting to give up and quit. The girl who is subject to this thread is also attractive, but two years older than I am.

 

I'm not sure whether both of the above instances are linked, or how they are linked. But I do not know one thing, when it hits you, it just hits you. Wish I just knew what it was.

[Luke Skywalker]

First of all, I'm in Canada, so the laws/rules are different in Canada than they are in the US. For example, there are no sexual harassment suits or anything of that nature here.

 

Second of all, this is a Real-Estate office with agents working there as self-employed independent contractors. Business lunches with other agents and flirting around is a common thing. Some agents may just show up at their office for a few hours a in a week's time, or may just work from home. This is not a full time agent that I see all the time there and she doesn't know many people at the office as I see her by herself most of the time, or with her own office team whenever it is there.

 

But, sure, I regret not going to the picnic, because if she were to let me down, then at least there would be a conclusion rather than a wimp out on my part of flaking out. I'm quitting persuit because I do not even have confidence in myself that I will follow through if I were to ask her out again. There has been no call to her to even set up another date because it's not a natural fit in my life.

 

Third of all, you don't know the girl. She's a Spanish girl that just recently immigrated from Equidor and seems to have a nice spirit and is not like other spoiled North American girls. The type of girls that you are referring to wouldn't likely give me a chance anyway and would friendzone me. The issue with this girl, is that I'm unable to fit her into my life, or I'm not properly pursuing her. There is no limerance or unrequited love, or any harassment.

 

For that set-up that you are saying to work, that means that I would have to chase the secretary working at the office. In fact, an agent did that and now he is happily married with children. The secretary quit the job and married him and got another job elsewhere.

 

In fact, the only real thing that I would have to do to risk a real charge is if I started slapping female agents in their buttox or made obvious and blatant sexual solicitations to every woman there indiscriminately - which of course of policy, I'm not going to do. So, if I were to do a threat assessment, then there is no threat as you are portraying.

 

If you check your stats, you'll see that workplaces are one of the places that people meet their future SO's and that view is just doesn't reflect the reality of the picture. I don't know how I'm explaining myself on this thread, but your reply totally out of the page.

 

Next time, read a thread before you reply or at least ask questions to get to know the details before you make a bunch of assumptions and make up a scenerio in your own mind that's a million miles away somewhere else.

[Luke Skywalker]

I say leave a female at work alone and let her earn her money without some creepazoid crushing you her period. Chasing women at work is the lowest form of game you can have.

 

Who are you talking to? Because you are not talking to me because you are not listening to my reply. One of the things about me is that I'm quite honest in my theads. I don't see the need to lie about an issue if I'm seeking input or advice as this is an anonymous board, I don't need to.

 

It seems to me that you think I'm lying, and if that's your belief, then you may continue posting your own fictional perspective of what you think I am saying.

 

For the record, I'm quite consistent on this thread, I've asked this girl out three times, she said yes twice and on the third time suggest we go to a picnic since I didn't know where to take her and did not follow through even with that. I've given up on myself since I don't think I'm motivated enough to pursue her. Do you think I'm lying about that?

You cant offer any useful advice because you have to deal with the facts.

I also said I do not have a crush on her. I do not recall doing anything that would show that I'm demonstrating a crush on this girl that's stated on this thread. If you have some fiction in your head of what's going on, then enjoy your own fiction, you are not helping here.

 

 

With so many single women out there waiting for a nice guy and here you are not even seeing that she is trying to let you down nicely.

 

How is she trying to let me down nicely? If that's your interpretation of her inviting me to a picnic, then I respect that. Other people have other interpretations of that where they didn't jump to that conclusion but suggested I should have followed through. You are just another opinion. Without having tested reality here for myself, we can all speculate on what could have happened if I went to the picnic or if I decided to continue pursue her. That's all it would be, speculation.

 

Now, the reason I updated this thread is because she texted me about a personal note I sent her. She got it probably two weeks later after I spoke with her. I didn't text her back or call her. Instead, I looked at a DVD movie since I didn't know what to do with that reply. Nobody replied back, and I think that's fine for a blog like thread. She would be an idiot for making such a text message if she believed I had a crush on her and I was stalking her. Again, I disagree with your perspective.

 

You are making some sort of claims that I have a crush, or that I'm stalking her or I'm el creepo -- but you have nothing that I have written on here to back up what you are saying. She said 'yes' each time I asked her out, I didn't know where to take her or it couldn't click on the logistics of following through to set up a date.

[Luke Skywalker]

Thread-update.

 

I went out for coffee with this girl yesterday and have also invited her to come to my church. She would have come last Sunday, but I wasn't able to make it so we set it for another time.

 

My continue at frequency of seeing her about once a week or so and see what happens.

[AuthenticAuthor]

Cool it, Zenmack. The way you describe how workplaces should work sounds like something from 1984. A "safe environment" maybe, but certainly not a friendly one. I think that employees having irrationally-emotional problems with others sould be the ones to be fired over the the nice guys like Luke here. And if he's fired for such a stupid reason, more power to him; find a job where the employees no longer wear diapers.