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Ok, Iv been with this girl for over a year, she is my first "real" relationship and my first love(Im 18 and so is she), about 8 months ago i had way to much to drink and kissed a girl, so naturally im scared of drinking (The mixutre of my meds + drinking ruins my self control anyways not about this)

Iv always sorta been a jelous freak. I hate it, I dont want to be but iv been diogonosed with ocd and that doesnt help.

i want my girlfriend to go out and have fun without me. recently she went to a work party and drank and danced (i wasnt there) and all was well. I was worried but i got over it, tonight shes going downtown to bars (Drinking age is 19 here in canada so shes almost legal but anyways), Shes going to bars and like should i be worried? Shes with her cousin which is pretty much her best friend, and shes with a few other best friends. She wanted a girl night so i left it alone and said have fun, but inside im still uneasy. She said she wants to dance with other guys, and like she told me she'd never dance sexual like me and her dance, but just the thought makes me sick to the stomach. Am i just being ridicoulous? I dont tell her to stop, i used to but it made her think i dont trust her which i do fully, so i just shut up and keep it in.


I want her to have fun, but should i be worried about her going downtown to bars? and dancing with other guys?.

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No it isn't bad to feel like this.


We all feel like it. The very reason your partner wants to dance with other members of the opposite sex is usually the trigger for alarm bells to ring. Its instinctive.


The thing is its catch 22. If you trust her, you let her have her girly night and flirt with the men that might take her away from you. If you don't, she sees you as an obsessive and then wants to get away. In situations like this its hard to win.


Most young girls want to get out and experience a few other men - they get bored, want more fun and action etc. Then they start looking elsewhere (just like us men do if you can admit it to yourself). Unfortunately you can do very little about it as its instinctive. The only thing you can do is be prepared just incase the worst does happen.


Also, if she's allowed to go out on girly nights and dance with other men what stops you going out with the lads and flirting with the ladies?


"Absense makes the heart grow fonder!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'd be very worried .....thats how it all starts .........and the guys in the bars are there normally to hit on the ladies .....


When they are in poarty mode and your in home body mode ......you'll be the one sitting home at night worrying ......and then they start to come home later and later.


And then all of a sudden "You're no fun anymore" Be there done that so they say.

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Well from a girls perspective.


It's great that you've "let" (not that she needs permission- but you know what I mean) her go out girls night out. If it was JUST this yes, you should shut up and let it happen; you DID say you trust her. This is key. If you say your trust her- then you must trust her.


Now as for going out and dancing with other guys... that is a no-no. However, if a guy were to approach her (I'm also from Canada I know how the clubbin scene works been in it for 5 years now) and ask for a dance, it might not be SO bad if she dances a little (no horny contact just maybe dancing face to face). That I would deem harmless (after all it is girls' night out because she and her cousin or whoever want to go out and have a little eye-candy and maybe be noticed just a little by a guy. (Remember, this is harmless... she's done nothing wrong- if she only does this IMO). I have done/ do this on a regular basis. I've never crossed the line with any man... and if when we're dancing he tries to grab me, touch me sexually, or pull me closer that is the end of the dance. If she is adhering to this I'd say it is harmless fun.


ALTHOUGH, I find her telling you she wants to go out on girls night TO dance with other guys' I would worry to! (I would NEVER say anything like that to my bf!- Mind you, I don't go out TO dance with other guys').


So in conclusion, you should sit your girl down and you two need to discuss your boundaries. By that I mean you need to tell her what you are grossly uncomfortable with if it is dancing with other guys' in any shape or form then you need to tell her- you feel that's crossing the line. If you feel you can handle her dancing with other guys' as long as they're not grinding, then you need to tell her. And in turn you should ask her what her boundaries are for you. Once thrown out there you both need to discuss if you guys can hold up on each of your sides to obey the boundaries- if you can't then well you won't trust her, and she won't trust you and that's the end of the relationship.

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