Some things never change - My son's dad and alcholism... our camping trip.

[ImThatGirl]

Long story short, my son's dad went on a Cub Scout camping trip. Got mad at me and started drinking. Who the heck does that? My son doesn't understand alcoholism, drinking, or anything about it. (yes we have talks about drugs and alcohol - that they are bad but he has no clue his dad is an alcoholic.) I have written much more - moreso because I have to vent! Some things/people never change. I should have known better! When I realized, we packed up and left saying we just didn't feel up to staying another night. I don't know if the other parents knew but feel that I handled it the best possible.

 

 

So, we had a camping trip with my son's Cub Scout group this weekend. His dad was supposed to go camping with my family a couple weeks ago. He had to cancel so I told him he could go on this camping trip with us.

 

He got to my house late. I had arrangements to meet my daughters dad so him getting here late made me late. (I hate being late.) I tried to be patient, giving him credit for at least driving here. He pulled up in his new lumber truck. Sigh.

 

Get to the campgrounds late and set the tent up in the dark successfully. This morning had breakfast, went on a hike, horseback riding, lunch, and a marshmellow shooter game (a blast.) Still not too much fussing. We had dinner duty - cooking for about 40 people. Went swimming - left early to get dinner started.

 

He talks about how he's not going to use their grill, he's gonna do it his way on his little round rack with a fire. (Stress for me - that'd take forever!) He tells me that if I don't stop, the night is going to be a bad one. We got back and started dinner, me staying away from him (him cooking with another dad, another mom and I doing other things.) Got dinner done wonderfully.

 

Little bit later he asks me to go to gas station as he can't drive, nodding at his cup. (he was drinking!!!?) Then few minutes later, he's rambling (he's drunk!,) his hands are shaking.. I tell him we need to drive to the bathroom, leave my son to play with everyone else. He gets angry during drive, walks back. I call my mom "what should I do??" I was terrified he'd create a scene in front of everyone.

 

Talk to my son, he's okay with not sleeping over another night. Tell his dad we're gonna pack up - he's angry but not loud. My son goes to sleep as soon as we get in the car and his dad gripes a bit, me not responding (I know how he can be when he's drunk.) Get to my place and at last, he's off... he stopped drinking before we left and drank water. I tried to get him to let me take him home but he refused.

 

Sigh.................. He will never change. Ever.

[Samedy]

I'm sorry. I was not raised in an alcoholic household. Quite the opposite. I was raised to be very responsible around alcohol. I can't even think of a single time where I may have seen my parents intoxicated. I find the very idea of a child seeing their parents intoxicated detestable. This is how I was raised.

 

Your son may be learning the opposite. Which is why it is very important for this behaviour to stop (on your husbands part), or for your son to be removed from these situations.

 

It is not all doom and gloom. My grandfather was an alcoholic, as the story goes. He would become nasty and mean towards my grandmother. Then one night my grandmother had had enough. She packed her bags and brought them all to the front door, where she told my grandfather that unless he stopped, she would leave him. He stopped drinking after that point. I would see my grandfather drink beers every now-and-then, but he stayed away from the hard liquor and he didn't drink to the point of intoxication again.

 

My point is that from this, my father learned not to drink, and that alcohol was something to be mindful of. Which then was passed on to me. Either way, for better or for worse, your son is learning something about alcohol.

[ImThatGirl]

Samedy, thank you so much for taking the time to respond... Really appreciate it.

 

Little more info: I left my son's father when my son was six months old. My son is now eight years old. My son visits him but usually just for a few hours or a day, every other Saturday.

 

I suppose before my son was born, I just didn't realize how much of a problem his dad's drinking was. How serious. I learned quickly and moved out as my son deserves better than that.

 

His dad has been on better behaviour for months! I was hoping him going camping would be good bonding time with my son.. I went as well so I could oversee - and my son wouldn't have went if I had not.

[ImThatGirl]

Additionally, my son had no idea he was drinking tonight. Nor has there ever been a time that my son has realized "my dad is drinking - my dad is drunk."

[Samedy]

That's good. I hope it was just a one time slip-up, which it sounds like you think it is.

 

I can understand how someone drinking habits can go unnoticed when starting a relationship. Binge-drinking is such a norm for early adulthood behaviour.

 

From my university friends, it seems most people go through a "drinking/drunk!" phase, and where some outgrow it and leave it behind, others just keep going.

 

It is easy for people to tell you NC with him, but he is the boys father. So it is really good you two are keeping that connection there. You definitely should try to preserve that.

 

Did your Ex get help to control his drinking or did he do it cold turkey?

[ImThatGirl]

Well, I suppose he never stopped drinking. I'd say he's a functioning alcoholic. For the past 15 years of his life. One of the major reasons my son never stays overnight with him (I don't allow it.) He's been doing better I thought - he looks healthier, seems happier, etc. He's never quit drinking though I'm sure. I just had NO idea he'd drink at a Cub Scouts event!?! How terrible.

 

I haven't been interested in him in years. It's all about ensuring my son has his father in his life - - even if it's not the traditional "son/father" time and all. But tonight... makes me feel like he will NEVER have his priorities right.