I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore =[

[-Stutterfly-]

I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know whats going on in my life, everything seems to be going past so fast in a blur, and I am still in slow motion, just stood there looking at everything going past in a haze. Nothing feels real, as there is no reality, and I am questioning myself, I feel as if I am trapped in someones imagination, and I want to break free... this makes me feel numb and confused, am I weird?

 

I see things when I'm scared, i know its illusions in my mind, even if life doesn't seem real, they seem to be in my own reality, nothing makes me happy anymore, its like I am working on auto pilot... I'm scared

 

This world feels stillborn to me, and I'm just a zombie walking amongst the rest of them... I just don't know whats happening to me, I feel as I can do anything without consequences... am I mentally unstable?

 

I just want the honest truth off of someone... what do you think I should do?

[aireyc]

How old are you, are you in school. do you have a job, a family? I went through a funk a few years back for no real reason, but if you could tell us a little more about yourself and your position it may be easier to help you.

[-Stutterfly-]

I am 17, I have had depression since I was little, I had a bad childhood filled with violence and abuse, I am at college, and I have behavoiur issues... I snap for no reason... I was referred to a Physchiatric Ward when I was 13, but I promised I would get better, but I haven't, I seem to have got worse, I have nightmares, hullucinations, and I don't know whats reality and whats not.. I'm so confused

[Jetta]

You really may need mental help. Go to your school counselor and get referred. Hallucinations aren't normal. I've experence what your experiencing, that zombie feeling and everything. Get help, you may need meds.

[Mia More]

How old are you, are you in school. do you have a job, a family? I went through a funk a few years back for no real reason, but if you could tell us a little more about yourself and your position it may be easier to help you.

 

if you focus on the positive things in life you will get through this.

[-Stutterfly-]

I try and focus on all the positive things, but I just seem to disappoint everyone, I got pregnant at 16, and forced to have an abortion, even my stepdad said I was a disgrace.. i turned to drugs to try and numb the pain, that just made things worse, I am now locked in my house like a prisoner, and I just don't see the point no more, I am more depressed and more lonley then I have ever been.. its got to the point where I am just scared all the time... I've turned to SI its my only saviour atm... The Dr's said it was normal for me to be like this... how can this be normal... its not... I'm part of someones imagination!! Thats not normal...

[Pocket Rocket]

I try and focus on all the positive things, but I just seem to disappoint everyone, I got pregnant at 16, and forced to have an abortion, even my stepdad said I was a disgrace.. i turned to drugs to try and numb the pain, that just made things worse, I am now locked in my house like a prisoner, and I just don't see the point no more, I am more depressed and more lonley then I have ever been.. its got to the point where I am just scared all the time... I've turned to SI its my only saviour atm... The Dr's said it was normal for me to be like this... how can this be normal... its not... I'm part of someones imagination!! Thats not normal...

 

You are not well and your depression is making you act out and possibly make bad choices at times. We all make bad choices from time to time and we all make mistakes. Don't be so hard on yourself, just focus first on getting better. I think your doctor may have meant it is normal for someone as deeply depressed as you to choose to SI. But clinical depression is 'not' normal, and it can make a complete mess out of your life.

 

Would you be able to seek the help of a professional? Perhaps they could prescribe medication to ease some of the pain. It would give you the chance to deal with other things going on in your life more effectively.

 

Please stay safe hun. Depression is a terrible thing to go through, don't let anyone dismiss it as just bad behaviour. There is away out (several in fact).

[Genuine_Ghost]

I agree with the above. This is an issue which needs to be dealt with by trained professionals, people who can really help you. Arrange an appointment as soon as possible, and I know it's hard, but try to stay positive.