missingapartofme Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 My best friend and I have had another big argument. We have had three or four major blow ups over or three year friendship. This time it was worse than it ever was in the past. Our arguments are always about the same thing. He is a very private person and really doesn't let to many people close to him. But I can read him really well, and its really hard for him to hide it from me when something is wrong. But thats where is starts to get to the argument stage. I start sensing somethings wrong, I ask him, he denies it. But I feel him start pulling away such as, he doesn't want to do many things with me when I ask him, when we talk on the phone the conversations start to lull and the text messages start to dwindle. This is my problem, I start sensing all this and start feeling like i'm losing the friendship and I start pushing him. Well, lets just say, yesterday I pushed a little to hard. I have had alot of things going on with myself for the past year. I am getting divorced, lost my house to forecluse, claiming bankruptcy and have moved in with my sister. He on the other hand started a relationship with someone and moved further away. Not to far but enough to make it not so convenient. We used to live close to each other. Anyway, I have been asking him to do few things lately and there is always some excuse as to why he can't. Yesterday was the last straw. I asked him to come by and I would make him lunch after he was done working. We both work nights at the same place. He said no because they had a new cleaning person coming to the house and he had to be home. Well, I just lost it. I never have let what was totally bothering me out but I did yesterday. There were text messages back and forth. Which were not so good. Anyway, I have never pushed him to his breaking point and I did yesterday. I totally lost all control of myself and said things that I have had bottled up inside. Well, he told me I had lost total control and that is was to much to deal with. He couldn't deal with that in his life right now and that he didn't want any friends in his life right now and he was taking a break. Of course, this has happened before but not to this extent. He has wanted space before and I have given it to him and he has always come back within about a week. I always have the feeling that I have lost his friendship forever when this happens. So far it hasn't happened. He comes back and we are as close as ever. But this time I said what I really felt . Sometimes I just can't stop myself. I really regret the things that I said. Now he won't even talk to me. I believe that the relationship at home isn't working out so well right now, because he alluded to a few things in the last couple of days. He gets this way with me and pushes me away when I get to close to the truth. He needs to deal with things in his own way and likes to be left alone when doing so. Of course I see all the signs, but ignore them and then its too late and we have a huge argument. Every year at this time we seem to have an argument like this. It is always around the time of his mothers death. I know he misses her and I can empathize with him because I too lost my mother. He has told me in the past that I remind him of his mom, so nice and funny. Maybe that has something to do with it to along with his relationship. Too much pressure I don't know. The thing that really bothers me is like I said we work at the same place. We deliver newspapers so we see each other everynight for a few minutes when we are picking up our papers. Anyway, last night I was really afraid to see him, number 1 thing being that I cried all day yesterday, and I knew seeing him would make me start all over. So I decided to go get gas and come back thinking he would be gone by then. But as I was finishing pumping my gas, he starts to pull in sees me and backs out and keeps going. OUCH!!!! Well, me being me, upset as I was knew where he was going up to the next station. So, dummy me, went there and pulled up. Well, I never saw the look on his face he gave me ever before, kind of pissed off kind of upset look. He looked like he had a rough day too. His eyes were all puffy and his face too. Anyway, just my wishful thinking that he is as upset as myself. So, I said to him are you that afraid to confront me that you had to pull away? and his answer was I told you I needed a break. And I said to him, I think we really need to talk, and his answer was I told you I needed a break, and turned his back on me and got in his car and left. I felt like he just slapped me in the face. We have been really close and have actually been thru alot together. I feel like my whole world just got ripped out from under me. Yes, I can see my faults, and I know what they are. Most of the time I can just not say anything more, give him his space and wait and see what happens. This time I just can't stop myself. I don't know why either. And I know the more I try to contact him or talk to him the more pissed off he will be at me. We have not had an argument like this for over a year. Unfortunately, since he feels hes in a stable relationship maybe he will feel like he doesn't want me around anymore. But I don't trust the person he's with. But thats a whole other story. Sorry, this was so long. I was trying not to leave to many things out. I'm just afraid that a really good friendship has been ruined. I want to try to make amends but I know he won't let me right now. Maybe I should just let him be mad and get over it, but what if he doesn't. I will be devastated. He is the only person I have let totally into my life. Knows the ins and outs. I feel like I really have lost everything. Again sorry this was so long. Link to comment
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