day 9 of NC.

[suzie q]

well, it's feeling better most of the time. nights are the worst, by far.

 

i wrote earlier that he had sent me a message the other day on myspace asking how i was doing and wishing me a happy belated birthday. that was the first time he's initiated contact in 6 weeks, so i was annoyed that it was on myspace of all places. i sent him a message back saying "thanks, whats up" and he never sent anything back. i know he read it because myspace tells you when it's read, but i am a little annoyed by that. i think he probably didn't say anything back because he was trying to be light hearted in the one he sent me and i just sent him that without telling him anything about me. no matter what the reason he didn't respond, i'm still a little pissed off. i haven't gotten to the pissed off point since the break up because it wasn't a bad breakup or relationship, but i am a little annoyed that he didn't say anything back.

 

whatever. i am doing what i can to just pretend it didn't happen at this point so i can continue with NC on my part (i don't count that as breaking it only because he initiated it and i told myself i'd never just flat out ignore him) and not feel like i have to start all over.

 

hang in there everyone!

[yankeefan74]

I'd just like to tell everyone that is also going through the pains of NC that I work with my ex, and seeing her every day is a lot harder than the alternative.

 

Not only that, but she still hangs on to feelings for me, even though there is someone new...she will not leave me alone unless i literally say something horribly mean to her. And i can't do that, because it's not who I am.

 

She went to visit her parents this weekend. She hasn't seen them in over a year as they live out of state and with everything that was going on with her, she wasn't able to get down there. I was supposed to go with her to meet them for the first time, instead...i was home last night, trying desperately to go to sleep. I had just about nodded off when she sent me a text to tell me she had arrived safely at her parents.

 

I know that those urges to pick up the phone, to send a text, write a letter, etc are overpowering at times...but if you really think of the alternative - everyday, seeing someone that you love so much that you feel as though a part of you died when they said goodbye, and not only that, they are smiling, laughing, going about their lives - it's far better not seeing them.

 

My ex called me a little over a week ago 5 times one day while i was on vacation. She emails me at work. She emails me when i'm home. She sends text messages. She flirts with me. Completely ignore her you say? When i completely ignore her, that is when she is at her WORST. She will wear something she knows i like. She'll tell me she misses kissing me, and then she will kiss me...She is a classic example of someone who cannot be alone, and when things got a little rocky with us as we approached the 1 year mark...she did what she's done her entire adult life - run away.

 

So to all of you out there who haven't heard from your ex, and it hurts - you may be wondering what they are doing, who they are with...you may want to contact them in any number of ways...I am here to tell you that you are far better off continuing to do what you do.

 

So for you suzie, and everyone else out there working hard to heal, move on, and get back to living life -- I think of all of you every day...and I hope that each hour, each day, each week gets easier and easier for all you.

 

I believe my situation is the perfect example of what NC is all about. It's not a ploy to get someone back. It's the only way you can be sure that your heart is not broken nearly every single day again and again. The last time we had a real "heart to heart", she told me (this was last week - several weeks after we broke up) that all she wants is a house with me, and a happy life together. yet she is still with someone else. lol

 

I will echo suzie's message - hang in there, everyone.

[giggle3474]

job. I know its tough but hang in there. I don't know what your story is or whether or not you want him back but it is probably best that you don't answer his emails like that. You answered back and left it open for him to either email you back or ignore you. He chose to ignore you. and now you're here posting about it so it obviously bothers you a little. I say if it happens again, just ignore HIM. If you just have to say something, say, "hey - thanks for the birthday wishes." and leave it at that. By leaving it open like you did, you let yourself be rejected in a small way. You don't need that when you are trying to accomplish moving on with your life.

 

Good luck! and happy belated b-day!

[giggle3474]

My gosh. my heart broke with every word of your post. Your ex sounds very manipulative and insecure. Almost like she needs you to be chasing after her in order to feel good about herself. Im sorry that you have to work with her, though. I can only imagine how difficult that would be. Just keep smiling, keep enjoying the magnificance that is you and keep NC! Maybe she will come around and see the error of her ways or maybe not. It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do and you shouldn't have to hang around for that. Good luck, stay strong and above all stay smiling!

[yankeefan74]

Thank you so much...I really appreciate it. She is absolutely those things you mentioned. I never gave her insecurities much thought because, frankly, everyone is insecure about something. But I have stopped allowing any interaction that involves us talking about the past, or her "new relationship." She is, of course, talking about this person like he's the best person ever put on the planet...I just told her i have no interest in hearing about any of that.

 

What keeps me going, frankly, is that I know there are sweet, loving, caring, intelligent, sincere, and honest women out there that are also single. I think i've gone through the "i don't want to be alone" stuff as much as anyone...but guys just need to look in this little thread alone to see that there are amazing women out there who are also single.

 

I think you and suzie both seem to be more than a week into not contacting your exes, and I hope that it's getting even a little easier...

[GoldenHillGuy]

I will agree with giggles because that's excatly how my ex is. Again, I allowed myself to be sucked back in to be 'taking care' of her while she was sick and her dog while she was away thinking that we were getting back together. When she handed me the friend card after I was straight up with her, I told her that we shouldn't speak anymore. That's the part that really hit home with her. She wanted me to be around to ease the pain of loneliness. I'm not going to play that role. In fact, when I first started dating my ex, for the first few months while things were still casual, every morning she'd get a 'wake up' call from her last ex. I didn't think too much about it because he lived cross country, and actually thought what a sucker he was for doing it. Here I am laying naked with this woman in bed and this poor guy was calling to wake her up. LOL. Sucker. Anyways, that's what she's looking for right now, and I'm NOT giving it to her.

 

So, I feel for you man. I don't know if I could handle seeing my ex everyday. I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes, and if I had to see my ex's everyday, I'd probably still be chasing her. Anyways, sounds like you're hanging in there alright. Keep it up, and good luck to you. Take care.

[yankeefan74]

I appreciate that...I've been following along, like a lot of others, in your thread about trying to reconcile with your ex...sorry that things turned out the way they did, but good for you for telling her that perhaps in the future you can be friends, but not right now...maybe not ever. I'm sure you will get calls, and texts, emails, whatever....stay strong.

 

My ex called me on tuesday morning of my vacation a couple weeks ago. It was the first time in over a year that we'd gone 4 full days without seeing one another. She told me that she was "hurting" from not seeing me, and that she really missed me. My response was pretty cold at the time - basically i said that she had made her choice - she chose that pain.

 

But it did shed some light on how she was feeling. For some reason, it helped to know that not only does she still think about me, but that also, it bothered her not being as close as we once were. I didn't have to sit around thinking "She doesn't love me anymore", or "She doesn't think about me", "our time together meant nothing". I really only had a couple days of that. I know how she feels about me...in the end, this all just boils down to she wanted to see if the grass was greener, which is a pattern with her. Since she was willing to risk what she and i had just to see "what else was out there", then I simply didn't mean enough to her...at least, that's how i look at it.

 

I don't initiate contact with her at all. But since i also don't want a war in the office...i do reply. I steer any conversation away from "us", or what is going on with the new guy. There are times when I occasionally say things i shouldn't...but since complete NC is impossible, I suppose that's bound to happen.

 

Anyway, I've called her a grand total of 2 times since she broke up with me. She's called me over 30 times...it's been crazy. I haven't answered each call, but as friends, family....and giggle here pointed out...my ex is obviously quite insecure about a lot of things. I've known that for a long time, but never really connected it to our breakup in any way until recently. It's helped.

 

Hang in there everyone.