He's totally moved on and well...

[Jetta]

I haven't. He's in Kansas with his girlfriend not new just girlfriend. Why am I having a hard time with this when I am the one who broke up? I think it's because I'm single and damaged now so feel very unlikely to every hook up again, despite what psychics are telling me. I'm part of a messageboard that psychics regular so I get regular readings for free. Anyway I'm fat now because these meds caused weight gain of 50 lbs. I'll have to starve to lose weight and I'm not up to it right now. How do you lose 50 lbs.?

 

How do you tell people you lost custody without sounding like a loser, okay I'm a loser. At least people say I'm beautiful but I'm fat now. I'm drunk so this isn't going to make sense. Couiples everywhere and I'm alone. I hate it. I miss sex, yes I do.

 

So I'm starting college in the fall and want to study Speech, Language, Hearing Sciences. Yes I want to be a Speech Patholgoist, just have to see if I'll get accepted. I have two years left of college roughly so the end is in sight.

 

I regret the day I fell hard for the bartender. I should have just stayed married and made my ex husbands life miserable. Now he's happy and I'm not. He was a good guy for the most part, although he's the reason I lost my son, but my stupid first ex husband signed away his rights too and I'm so angry at him for throwing away his son. I know he did it because he molested he's 3 year old son. But my God someone needed to be strong and no one was.

 

I'm so weak. And so sad. You can never recover from losses I've suffered, at least that's my main thought. I am recovering albeit slow but recovering. Now I just have to deal with the worlds reaction. Suicide always looks good but it's not. I have sleeping pills just calling my name but I won't do it. It'd be so easy. My luck they wouldn't work. On the upside I know the stress of my life has defintitely shorted it. My Grandparents died in their 60's even though their brothers and sisters have lived until near 90's. My dad is dead at 64 his dad died at 46, I don't have much longer hopefully.

 

I the span of a year I lost my dad, lost custody of my son, got divorced, lost custody of my daughter, and lost my job, lost my son permantely, lost my mind, and died inside. Now I'm supposed to sing at my brothers wedding. HA.

 

Basically I'm running through emotions. Logic is out the window. I got divorced trying to save my son, didn't expect to lose him completely. Then had nothing to fall back on and fell apart. Didn't even have a job to throw myself into. I could have been homeless but my family came to my rescue. I came from such a good family this whole world is totally shocking to me. My dad was a vice president of a major company. He was a cival engineer. My mom stayed home. I wanted to be just like them and never could make it happen.

 

God I hope college is the answer for me, it's not coming easy so I really wonder.

[ghostgirl116]

hi honey... i don't have much to say. i'm glad suicide isn't an option for you. i've been hospitalized twice in my life for attempts, and i can promise you the moment it kicked in what i had done, i never wanted to live so badly in my whole life.

 

is it possible that you can get off the meds? and of course, cut out the drinking... hard, but doable. (i'm an alcoholic but stopped drinking). i'm so sorry that things are what they are for you. we are all here for you.

 

xoxoxo gg

[yankeefan74]

I would add that you seem to be dealing with a lot of things at the same time. Try to sort through each issue, and not take everything on at once. You are dealing with a ton of pain, but you are just 34 years old, alive, and ready for a fresh start. You have a goal of finishing school, which is outstanding...a family that helped you...and cares for you...

 

Substances never solve any problems. You will recover from these things and put them in your past. You never know what the future may bring...

[cpujunkie]

Stay strong. Your not the only one dealing with similar crap.

[Jetta]

Ghostgirl - I switched to different meds that aren't supposed to cause weight gain. Still have though despite exercise. I don't know I'll have to really book it on the exercise front and cut out a lot of the crap food I've been eating, like all of it.

 

Yankee - I don't feel just 34. I feel old.

 

cpujunkie - Wish I knew what others were dealing with. It's hard losing kids, really hard. It's not like they died but it feels like it. There's no support groups out there for people with my problems.

[Takotsubo]

Wow, sorry for all that you're going through. It's certainly not any better drunk, but it is what it is... You will get through this.

 

You are a great person. You will lose the 50 lbs, complete you degree, and come back stronger than ever, despite the feeling you feel right now. Just give it a few years (They will FLY, trust me), and you'll be a completely different person!

 

In a lot of respects, you and I are the same. I went back to college later in life, really focused and did very well. I changed careers and was promoted a bunch of times in several years, and even managed to lose 30 lbs and ended up running a few 1/2 marathons. Up until 2 weeks ago, I had a great support system, but it's all gone now.

 

You're facing a wall. It's a very large one. It's keeping you out from where you want to be. You can either climb the wall, go around it, or just walk away. In order to climb it, you need to grow yourself and become strong enough to scale it. Going around it takes longer, but you don't need to be quite as strong to do it. Walking away is the easiest.

 

What do you do? You turn into that comeback story that everybody loves to read. We all love an underdog. There is no way you can't do it.

[Caterina]

You have goals you're trying to reach...thats a start.