shemojo Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Out of the blue, a distant childhood friend of my husbands has been writing him very much for a number of 2-3 months. He made casual mention it when she first wrote. From there I heard nothing more until I raised issue with her emailing him all the time recently. This is someone he met and knew only 2weeks during childhood(over 20 yrs ago), but they have periodically corresponded over the years. He had not really heard from her in many years (at least since we've been married, 8 yrs now), and out of the blue she starts to write a few times week. Her conversions progressed from a casual "how is life?" inquiries to reminiscing of that 2 week summer time moment of friendship they shared back when they were 14 yrs old. Though they had not seen each other ever since that time, and their individual lives went on, they kept in touch off/on over years, checking in to see how the other is doing. But, to me it now seems odd that she writes to him so intensely. And, that her conversations are limited, they revolve more around remembering those few short weeks in time, of songs, music they played,etc....rather than how are you, the wife, the kids, etc. My husband tells me this was simply a childhood friendship, he did not have any physical relationship with this girl even back then -they were summer time buddies for 2 weeks, sharing fun times. Perhaps he may not have known/recognized back then (as guys are guys and clue less to girls feeling 99%of the time) that she was longing for much more, and that she has carried those feelings with her over all these years, even though she is married with children. She goes on in emails to talk of how .. "meeting him in 20, 30, or even 50 years would be wonderful, if they could only meet again, by chance.." It continued on, and she recently wrote asking if it was okay to call as she did not want to upset, his wife[me] to which my husband innocently relied sure. She wrote afterwards saying she called but since I had answered she quickly hung up as she was afraid. If this was all an innocent conversation of old friends, then why is she afraid to have me answer or talk to me as well? I started to question her intentions and motives for contacting my husband after so many years of silence. I discussed this with him as well. Upon reading the progressions of her letters, closing in conversation with "love, kisses, pinches", etc... rather than "regards" or "all the best", it came apparent to me in her words that she was hunting for more. My husband did not help matters either, as he always answered to her about only himself, rather than discussing about us or our lives, to which I am admittedly somewhat upset, as I felt he did not feel the 'us' was as important to share with his old friend as just telling things of himself. I also by feel him discussing only of himself gave her encouragement to keep persisting about him and their relationship. I wondered if her flirtations were to see if he would flirt back and open the doors for her to pursue things further, even though worlds away. In talking with him and expressing my feelings and concerns over this matter, I felt he needed to know that I felt he was sharing things of himself with a woman who had nothing to do with us, and that in keeping this to himself made me feel as though I do not have 100% commitment of my husband. I had asked him to stop writing back to her and encouraging her, whether or not he understood he was doing this, or to write to her about us, and express how you enjoy your life with your wife,,,etc... just to see if that does not place a damper on things, in a kind way. In some way I feel she is desperately playing out a 20 year old fantasy she's held all these years about my husband, and looking to see if there was anything here to pursue with him. Or perhaps she was having marital issues or relationship problems of her own, I started to wonder as to how she was perceiving my husband in her fantasy: was this someone she could console in, or perhaps find more, her long lost true love? I really cannot answer for her motives here, but her words elude to more than friends. In any case when I I saw the intent of her letters changing I asked my husband to stop writing to her, and he knew I was upset by it. He avoided writing back for a number of weeks, and occasionally I'd ask of him has his girlfriend wrote lately, in a joking but informative way - he understood my meaning. Recently, she again wrote saying goodbye, implying she was perhaps pestering him and apologized, and that she only wanted to be his friend. He was good about not writing but apparently could not refuse to cut those ties and respect my wishes of him, to which I am distraught. Upon his writing back to her, she again writes again estactic that he has replied with her, and closed the letter "kisses, hugs, and pinches"... Frankly, I am not comfortable with any woman wanting to kiss, hug, and pinch my husband, no matter how far accross the planet she resides. He has other women friends, whom I know who never cross that line. I had asked my husband to disclose the letters, to read and discuss them together, even though he knows I've read most of them, but he has made no effort to do so. Instead he tells me it all meaningless and her letters are not that way, and it means nothing, that it is an innocent friendship. Yet, he continues to write back to her, even though he writes only brief, short lines, But, in doing so, (to me) it means that he fails to see how her emails effect me, and that he has no respect of my feelings or request. Since we already openly discussed this matter at great length, and he knew I was upset, and he continues on anyway, I am at a loss. I start to wonder if he is maybe intrigued with having a woman pursue him this way or that he is flattered by her flirtations, and he cannot help himself(guys, ...sigh). But, by him not respecting my wishes to cease wring with her places me in difficult position. He tells me their friendship is nothing more than that. I do not doubt his intentions, but he has led her on or at least provided encouragement about what will never be. And, his disregard for my request has left me feeling upset about us, so now she has successfully impacted my life and my relationship with my husband. I feel he should back away or at least let her know he is happy in love,and married, and has no interest in having those conservations with her and that her letters have become inappropriate. I am to the point where I am tempted to write her and ask to to stop writing him. .....so, what's a girl to do? Link to comment
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