greensleeves Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 You're doing the right thing.....you can hang on! Whatever decision she makes, it will be better than being in a relationship with her where she isn't as commited as you are. You can't carry on the way things were, she has one foot in and one foot out. She shouldn't expect you to sit there waiting while she figures out if she wants you or not. Just keep busy, you'll be okay. Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Day 1 has passed. The silence is like hell. I havent heard from her. Neither did I contacted her. I tdont know if she would talk to her best friend, or him about how she wants me. Maybe she visited my formal friend at home and watching tv toghetter. It makes me sick! I must show I'm not the weakest. I should not ask her if she has figured out already... I should stay silent and show I'm not the weakest I must hear from her. I will sleep now and get up and look at my phone in the morning to see that she didnt texted me. Oh dear...Must show I'm stronger than her... Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 Yup still no message from here, shes still figuring out I suppose . I dont have clue what she will do. It's really taking long now . Silence kills me Link to comment
greensleeves Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I know that you're going through a tough time Just keep in mind you were honest with her about how you felt about this...you didn't tell her not to have any contact with him, just that you were uncomfortable with it and her response was to lie to you about blocking him on msn. Let her figure this out...no matter what decision she makes, it will be the right one for both of you. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone who who is wondering if they should be with someone else. If she chooses to end the relationship with you, it will be hard for you for awhile, but in the long run it will be the best thing for you. Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 I know that you're going through a tough time Just keep in mind you were honest with her about how you felt about this...you didn't tell her not to have any contact with him, just that you were uncomfortable with it and her response was to lie to you about blocking him on msn. Let her figure this out...no matter what decision she makes, it will be the right one for both of you. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone who who is wondering if they should be with someone else. If she chooses to end the relationship with you, it will be hard for you for awhile, but in the long run it will be the best thing for you. Thanks again for the advice, It seems like I'm visiting this forum more than a thousand times a day. I'm completely following jettisons advice now for about 2 days: I stepped out of her life while shes figuring out and I'm sseing new girls on friday and saturday. I really wonder how she is feeling. I'm getting thoughts to act like I'm doing great without her (although I dont) . Should I do this ? eg posting party pics on myspace or netlog ? Would that be a turn off or turn on ? Or doesnt it matter at all ? Link to comment
greensleeves Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I wouldn't bother doing anything to try to make her jealous or worried...it will come accross as game playing. Just focus on you right now. I saw your other thread about breaking up...doing any of those things as well as posting pics etc. will only make you look bad in her eyes, but more importantly it will make you feel bad. Just carry on as normally as possible and continue to be a decent person, you can never go wrong if you just take the high road. Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 I wouldn't bother doing anything to try to make her jealous or worried...it will come accross as game playing. Just focus on you right now. I saw your other thread about breaking up...doing any of those things as well as posting pics etc. will only make you look bad in her eyes, but more importantly it will make you feel bad. Just carry on as normally as possible and continue to be a decent person, you can never go wrong if you just take the high road. thanks for advice. still no sign of her. It's like she's dead or something :s. I'm starting to worry :s Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 someone tell me not to be weak and worry about her.. I have the temptation to contact her friends to see if shes still alive. I hope she didnt runned into a tree or something like she said the last time i saw her ...48 hours ago Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 Apparently she is still alive. A friend of me and her texted her (without me asking for it): "Havent heard from you, how are you doing ?" She texted back to him: "Hey, no I'm not really well, I'm really sick now, I still love X and meanwhile Y is making my crazy. I don't know if X's decision is permanent or if he wants to start over if i made effort.." X= me Y= formal friend What do you guys think ? Jettison where are you ? Link to comment
jettison Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Apparently she is still alive. A friend of me and her texted her (without me asking for it): "Havent heard from you, how are you doing ?" She texted back to him: "Hey, no I'm not really well, I'm really sick now, I still love X and meanwhile Y is making my crazy. I don't know if X's decision is permanent or if he wants to start over if i made effort.." X= me Y= formal friend What do you guys think ? Jettison where are you ? This push/pull you two have going on isn't going to suddenly end, even if "Y" is suddenly out of the picture. She started falling for your best friend. People don't put themself in that situation unless they are craving something else. Your best friend played a role for her. He could have been someone else. It allowed her to detach herself somewhat from you and seek her romantic/sexual validation from another guy. It's pretty human to do this. After we've been with someone for awhile, and some of the romance dies down, we want to know that we're still adored, admired, sought after. Our egos are like sharks... they never sleep. They are always in need of feeding. The more fragile (aka bigger) egos amoung us tend to need the most maintenance. Really, I think that's what your friend is for your girlfriend. It's what's they call a "heat check" in basketball. You keep puting it out there, and you want to see how far you can go/push it before everything crumbles. Obviously, your little LC was the right way to go. She's already questioning her relationship/friendship with your "friend", and she's back to wondering if didn't just make some huge mistake. This is step one. That's fine. But what happens when you're back together? There is no game here. This is real life. How will you trust her? How will she trust herself? How will she get the needs of her ego fulfilled without considering engaging in one-off, inappropriate relationships? Only you two can figure those answers out, and it will involve a lot of courage and honesty on both your behalfs. My current advice is to wait until she gets the balls to contact you. She knows she's in the wrong. Then, have a talk with her. DO NOT be demanding. DO NOT say "I told you so" or even hint at it. Tell her "this was a wakeup call for me. You need something that I haven't been able to give you. You need to figure out what that is, figure out if I can give it to you, or else figure out how to leave so I can start over with a new woman who isn't going to play this game with me. I was sure about you up until this point. I'm not sure anymore. Make me sure or else lose me." Ok, that is rather demanding, in a sense, but don't set a definite timetable. There is no need to quantify this. Just give her the space to figure things out and do her thing. Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 Thanks for the advice. Is day 3 since I followed jettison's advice and guess what she texted me saying that she misses me and she couldnt leave it about texting me. And that she will send an email tonight, and she hopes I will respond... I'm pretty nerveous. It's bad news isnt it ? Link to comment
jettison Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Thanks for the advice. Is day 3 since I followed jettison's advice and guess what she texted me saying that she misses me and she couldnt leave it about texting me. And that she will send an email tonight, and she hopes I will respond... I'm pretty nerveous. It's bad news isnt it ? Impossible to say whether it's good or bad news. If she actually fell in love with your friend, and she's leaving, then I'd argue that it's good news. You don't want to date someone who is in love with a friend of yours. If she wants to get back together then it's also good news because I'd assume she'll come at you with some kind of legitatmate apology and an epiphany of some kind. So, in a sense, either are good news. Don't worry that you're done the wrong thing though. You haven't. This hasn't been your puzzle to solve. It's hers. Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 I got a mail from her where she honestly says shes sorry for everything and that she wants to start over. She also said she rejected my formal friend and that her feelings towards him are gone. Jettison, you are ALWAYS so right about everything, your advice is like gold! I'm so thankfull!!! PS: She's a bit jeaoulous now that I have plans in the weekend with some female friends ;-) Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 26, 2008 Author Share Posted August 26, 2008 Apparently she didnt meaned anything from her mail. It was good for a day or 2 and then it started all over again. She was seeing him again. I finished with her yesterday. I feel so bad becouse of what she has done to me Link to comment
greensleeves Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Try not to feel bad about what she's done to you, feel good about what you've done for yourself. Walking away from this situation is the right thing to do. Link to comment
FireFighter84 Posted August 26, 2008 Author Share Posted August 26, 2008 Try not to feel bad about what she's done to you, feel good about what you've done for yourself. Walking away from this situation is the right thing to do. thanks for the reaction. I also have exams . I'm a real mess. I think I might skip an exam and go out. I dont know Link to comment
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