After 1 year, ex calls, is that a good thing?

[thisishell]

I'm not sure if this needs to be in this section or in the healing section because the post really touches on GBT and healing.

 

A short recap of my story is I was in a LDR for 3.5 years and my ex broke it off over an email to pursue another. I was devastated to say the least but after a few months of feeling sorry for my self and hoping and praying every day that she would see the light and realize the mistake she had made I started moving on. Not moving on the sense of dating but moving on the sense of working on myself.

 

THats my first piece of advice that i got when I joined enotalone and it really does work. I am currently working on an MBA, I have found a church that I really like and I have lost some weight. About 8 months after the breakup I started exploring the arena of dating but realized I just wasn't ready.

 

The second piece of advice I would have is to not rush getting back into the dating scene and to not judge your timeline of dating on other people. You will know when your ready. Currently I am dating and realizing that in fact there are other people that I can like and who can like me.

 

Well, now to the point of the post. Last week I receive a phone call and it was the ex. After all the praying I had done, it finally came true, she had contacted me and the best news of all she admits that she made a huge mistake and knew from the start she had but couldn't face contacting me and what she had done. I know what you guys are thinking. WHy are you talking to someone who dumped you over an email? and Why are you talking to her after over a year? I talked to her because I was able to ask the questions I needed to ask and let her know how what she did effected me. THe point I am trying to make is that even though I had prayed she would come back and we could try again I have made so many changes that I am not remotely interested in getting back together. Working on yourself truly does change your life. I have made huge changes and she has stayed exactly the same. THose of you who are like me, who prayed to god everyday that your ex will contact and say the words you have longed to hear about getting back together, just know that it may happen and you may be the one to say NO. I am at the point right now where I feel empowered but I also feel just a twinge of guilt. Guilt for myself because I wanted her to come back so badly and now I do not feel the way I used to. I know that sounds weird but thats how I feel. Anyway, sorry for the ramble and I hope that this post helps someone realize that NC and working on yourself can lead to more happiness then you ever thought possible.

[kickedin]

nice post......prayer helps in many ways

[cpujunkie]

Wishing you the best.

[dreamguy]

How long were you in NC with her before she called ?

[riley123]

I have made huge changes and she has stayed exactly the same.

 

Good post.

 

I think this is why reconciling is rarely successuful.

[gee]

It is strange how people imagine how you want your ex to come back to you...either it be he/she showing up at your house or calling you any minute to tell you how much she loves you and made a huge mistake! That is a huge mistake to do because you will be waiting for something that might not even happen! So, don't wait and just let go and give them what they want! Good things happen when you least expect them! That's how God works..it will never be your way!

 

In your case you did a great job at working on yourself and dating when YOU were ready to (never rush)! I am doing the same thing and I am almost 8months into the break up.

 

Your post was awesome! Good luck with whatever you decide to do with your ex!

 

Best wishes and God bless!

 

gee

[thisishell]

dreamguy....

 

I have been in NC almost from the start of the breakup which is just a little over a year ago. SHe contacted me from time to time through IM and left just one liners but I never did respond. There were a few times I was online and she would contact me so we did have a few conversations, maybe 3 total over the past year. I guess I should consider that LC instead of NC since I have spoke with her those few times over the year.

[dreamguy]

dreamguy....

 

I have been in NC almost from the start of the breakup which is just a little over a year ago. SHe contacted me from time to time through IM and left just one liners but I never did respond. There were a few times I was online and she would contact me so we did have a few conversations, maybe 3 total over the past year. I guess I should consider that LC instead of NC since I have spoke with her those few times over the year.

 

Perhaps but trust me that is VERY very limited contact. Kudos for staying that strong for a year !

It's only been 7 weeks of complete NC from both sides for me and I already miss her like hell !

[Steve 7745]

I've got a theory.

 

I call it "Seasonal Rememberence". Basically, when two people break up, a year could pass and during the time of the relationship, that person could begin to think about you. A lot. Hence, after a year they're probably at the height of the time they'll want to talk.

[girlyantics]

This is interesting. The ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine recently began contacting him right around the one year mark. He broke up with her and he was jerk actually. I found that especially strange. But I feel like there is something to that.

 

Don't want to admit it but I've thought of the ex recently, approaching a year. ACK! Also a jerk to boot. And recently people bring the guy up, and ask me about him. Hearing about my friend's experience is making me paranoid of a run in.

[Hollyj]

What did you say about the hurt she has inflicted? And, what was her response.

 

I would like to express my thoughts and feelings on how the relationship played out-only if he contacted me- but I wouldn't want him to think that I still cared for him. Even if it were a platonic friend I like to express my feelings to their actions for closure. For some reason I need to have an understanding of why things happened as they did.