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Stop caring...


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Earlier today I was feeling down. I had no plans for the day and was thinking to myself too much... And I was sorta thinking about everything that makes me unhappy... I kinda think I could've done better this semester and last. And that I could've socialized more. I, unfortunately, think I kind developed a small crush on this one girl. Sucks cause it hadn't happened in a while. Anyway, so I looked around for something to do, and went out and had fun and stopped thinking about all that stuff. But I want next semester to be different. I kinda wish I cared less about people MIGHT think, and just speak my mind, and if they don't like it, I don't care, really. People won't do it. But I've found a couple of people that I've talked to and thought were just upstuck jerks before really talking to them, but they turned out to be ok... so I just wonder how many cool people I've overlooked since I entered college just cause I thought they were thinking something that they truly weren't.


I dunno. I kinda wish I knew how to not care... Cause I'm thinkin maybe most of the time it's just be being paranoid, because not all these people can be that nasty... Or maybe they're in a nasty mood (plenty or reasons to be... If I didn't try to be more upbeat and didn't have out of school unrelated hobbies, I'd be extremely unhappy) and just talking to someone brightened their day, and it could very well happen to more people than I've tried... Just a thought. I want to stop caring because in 2 years (or maybe less) I will not see these people anymore. I want to stop caring because I've only got 2 years left in college and I want to make the most of them, and think I could meet more people that way. I see barriers, but even if they're there, I think if I didn't care, I could just overcome them. Shouldn't care about whether the barriers are truly there, or if the people wanted them there. If they did want them there, their loss, screw them. Otherwise, it's a win that I wouldn't have had if I had followed my gut feeling... I dunno. Anybody ever overcame this stupid paranoia? I'd like to know what to do about it...

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I have sort of a similar problem but I've always been able to deal with it. My problem is that i overanalyze everything and read into everything way too much. So say i have a friend and i say hi to her walking down the street, and she doesn't say hi back, i will be bothered by it until i see her again. Also i analyze the things people say, the way they say it, their body language etc. I think i have some sort of OCD or something. But sometimes its just that...we read too much into things. I just keep trying and talking to people, and generally if u are nice and approachable, they will respond in the same manner. In university everyone is basically there to make new connections since many people are coming from all over the place. Just don't be shy and even if some people are jerks, there are much more who are decent and nice. Make eye contact, smile, talk about things that u have in common like classes etc. Also, make sure that u ask them questions about their lives too, no one likes someone who only talks about themselves. Just talk to them as if u've known them for years. I always start off like that and it always turns out great. as for girls, NEVER pass up a chance! because if she's not interested then, thats basically the worst that could happen...she would tell u she's not interested. But if u never talked to her then u would never know and u might be missing out on a great connection with someone. Just don't be trying to pick up every single girl that passes by...because thats just sleezy. But if u like a girl, start by being her friend, and then see where things go.

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In my university, people just walk by looking into some horizon or the floor... Everybody looks bummed. It's a hard school. There's very few girls, no parties (not that I care too much about those), no fun. And it's so damn tough the great majority of people only get some crummy banged up degree with so many C's and D's that no good school will take them for gradschool. Forget going to stanford, or any other great school in another state they aspired to go before they knew how this worked... So only this one will take them, which goes against their immediate instinct of getting the hell up away from here as soon as possible... All of the above is true for me, but I also hate my career. It doesn't even come that naturally to me... Dunno what does anyway. And if I had chosen something I really wanted, it'd have been something where there's no money to be made, and you know how the world works today: it's all about the $. Even the gas prices are making people struggle further to make ends meet.


Anyway, yes, I tend to over analyze things... you may have noticed already. But most of what I wrote is based on what I've heard from other people as well as statistics (I distinctly remember during my health class when the professor showed some statistics that said this was one of the unhappiest schools). I too notice the way people say things, and when they say hi and how they say it, and when they do not say it at all. Most of the time I misjudge, cause I might think they're ignoring me, but then next time I see them they say hi as if nothing had happened, and I figure maybe they didn't see me cause they were too deep into their thoughts and I didn't say hi first, etc. You know what I mean.


It gets in the way of my networking sometimes... As per girls. For example, this one I mentioned above, I do wish I had been her friend, cause last semester (not this one that just ended, but the one before), I talked to her a couple of times and actually thought she was cool, which was the complete opposite of the vibe I got from just seeing her around this last semester. So maybe that vibe was just BS made up by my own paranoia. Either way, even if I were trying to pick up every girl I meet, it wouldn't be that sleazy, cause I hardly meet any anyway, lol.

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