the second i started to feel more optimistic...

[suzie q]

...he sends me a message on myspace. this is the first time he's ever contacted me first in about 6 weeks. i've had to initiate it a few times to get things from his house, but never has he contacted me first.

 

why?

 

i was just starting to feel better and starting to feel like meeting new people. i mean, i haven't felt "over it" but i was learning that everything is okay.

 

his message was short...he said

 

"Hey lady whats going on how are you doing happy belated bday

how do you spell belated is there no spell check o well"

 

i sent him "thanks, whats up."

 

i couldn't ignore him, i really can't do that. but i don't understand why he felt he had to do this. i don't think in this short time that he's been able to really think about what it is that he wants.

 

anyways, thoughts are appreciated.

[littlestar]

maybe he is trying to salvage a friendship from the wreckage.

[timetoremember]

If you're gut is saying "uh oh, here we go again" and that you're being set up for another dumping....say "hi and thanks" and move on..... just my advice from someone whos been there done that...good luck.

[suzie q]

i know he doesn't want me completely out of his life, but i told him i needed time before we could be friends.

 

he won't be contacting me just to get together and break up--i'm sure he's just curious about what i'm doing.

 

i guess i just wasn't prepared for this--i was prepared to not hear from him for a while. i just don't want to get my hopes up, but i am sort of already there.

[cpujunkie]

Take your time and be careful.

[thepain]

From experience, I also had a ex in the past that contacted me after the break-up and acted like he wanted to be friends again. As the months went on with us staying friends the harder and harder it got because I knew he was out meeting new girls. It felt like he was stringing me along until he found someone better. I finally had enough and told him never to contact me again. With complete NC for maybe about 1 year I finally completely healed. So if your guts tell you that he is not the one for you, complete NC is the best way to heal. Staying friends and knowing he's around dating other people just worsens the pain.

[audrey28]

if u want to move on, u have to stop playing the game of "why did he..", "what if...", "what does he want...", so on and so forth. there are many questions but to find those answers from him will only prolong your healing. try to accept that the relationship is over and that is the only fact that matters.

[suzie q]

thanks guys.

 

i am trying! i promise. i've said before that i accepted the relationship was over for now, but i couldn't accept that it was over for good because it never made sense (to me) that we broke up in the first place. we had a really good relationship/friendship.

 

it's hard to not talk to him when he contacts me because i'm so close with his family and we have mutual friends. i'd love to be his friend someday, but i'm not ready for it right now. he knows that and he's respected it. he actually told me the last time we spoke that he didn't want to be there for me too much because he didn't want to give me false hopes of us getting back together right now.

 

honestly, i don't know if he's the one--but i can't say that he's not. now i'm just as confused as he was a month ago about how he felt for me.