How does he do it?

[ljoy74]

I am yet to find help with this.

 

My boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up about a month ago. We broke up because he got tired of not seeing each other and felt that he had to be without me to make the pain of not seeing me go away. (Hope that makes sense to someone out there) He told me falling out of love with me would be the only way he could heal his broken heart. He said from the beginning, even before the beginning that he had to remain friends with me if we broke up. He told me that I was to amazing and wonderful of a person for him to ever be without. I let him go about the belief that we'd stay friends for a while until about 2 months ago when the break-up talks rolled around. I could not let him think that I could be his friend after he broke my heart. He cried so hard when I told him that. In 4 years I had seen him cry twice, but never like he cried when I told him that. We talked again a week or two later and my heart had changed. No matter what happened I wanted him in my life and I knew that.

 

Now that we've been broken up I'm at a block in the road. He has a new girlfriend, and did 2 weeks after we broke up. I feel bad for him that he had to put someone immediately into the spot I once filled, but you can come to your own conclusions. I went semi-NC on him. I let him do all the contacting and he did. He texts, he messages online, he calls. The only thing he never mentions is his new girlfriend. We haven't seen each other since we broke up but the day we did he cried and told me how glad he was things didn't end on bad terms.

 

In conclusion.... I'm sort of lost as to how he has a new girlfriend but keeps me in his life. Come to any conclusion you'd like and please share it with me!

 

Sincerely,

Lost her (L)joy.

[Pappers]

Let him get a taste of his own medicine and go NC completely.

 

He is on a rebound / filling a void / or something with this new girlfriend. All the while you keep in the picture - so now he has her (physical stuff) and still gets you (emotional connection stuff).

 

He is thinking of HIMSELF only! If he really cared for you he would let you go and find someone else.

 

I'm sure he'd flip if he knew YOU had a new boyfriend!

 

The section on Healing after a Break Up can be quite helpful....

 

good luck and hugs to you in this tough time. But really, you need to gain some control here and have things on your terms!

 

As in the movie 'The Holiday' - be the leading lady of your own life!

[penelope13]

your story sounds a bit like mine (if you want read it on ).

 

i know a lot of people will tell you that he never truly loved you and that he didn't have the courage to be truthful about wanting someone else.

 

but there is the possibility that (I guess you guys wer long distance?) he really deeply loved you and that it was too painful to miss you all the time (my ex broke up with me for the same reason).

 

about the new girl in his life: just because he is sleeping with someone else doesn't necessarily mean that he didn't have true emotions for you. it could be that it is just easier to burry yourself in a new, non-serious (i mean emotionally) relationship, because it keeps you thinking from what is really on your mind.

 

i have stayed in contact with my ex for 8 years, because i couldn't bear the thought that after such a deep connection we could just walk out on each others life completely. he has proven in the same way, that i'm still very important to him and i am convinced that he loves me.

 

since our break up we both have dated other people, sometimes even for a year or longer, but we have always admitted to each other, that we were never emotionally serious about any of them

[ljoy74]

Penelope it was great to hear your story!

We weren't exactly long distance. We just went to different schools and lived accross town from each other. Getting to see each other was difficult because for a while we had to rely on our parents to take us to see each other and neither of our parents were ever very thrilled to do so. Once we started driving things got easier but his parents had strict rules on when he had to be home and how late he could stay out with whom. I know they were scared that we'd get "physical" but making him come home earlier didn't keep us from that.

 

But it's the past now and I am going no contact. I am strong and I can face my feelings without putting someone else in the hole in my heart.

[penelope13]

ljoy. stay strong. even when you move on and open yourself up for new posibilities, it doesn't mean you can't still have feelings (positive ones) for an ex, it just might be a slightly different kind of love