OC6 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Hi. I'm thinking about telling my wife that I'm not happy with the current state of our marriage and that maybe we should separate for a while. We're both more like room mates now than a happily married couple (it's been a long time since we were). I'm not very pleasant company to be around at the moment and I think a separation would do us both a lot of good. How do I start the conversation? 'Oh, by the way...' or 'I've been thinking...' or 'I think we need to talk..."? Would like to hear from anybody who has been in this situation. Thanks. Link to comment
timetoremember Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I started with "I'd like to talk to you tonight after dinner if that's okay"....usually they know what's coming, but unfortunately this is what happens when two people aren't communicating everyday...all of a sudden, one isn't happy with the way things are going, and "the talk" needs to happen. But once it's all in the open (and be honest but tactful and consider her feelings...not that I think you won't) maybe you might find that she has been having the same feelings (or is completely oblivious to it like my husband). Anyway, good luck. Take care. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 As in any intimate relationship, "I think we need to talk", is always appropriate. The strained relationship can be caused by a lack of meaningful communication. It is never too late for that to begin again. The connection that you two have shared may be still there but without communicating effectively, can be overshadowed by the events that take place in each of your lifes individually. Sometimes all it takes is a willingness for both partners to try. Many counselors report that if both spouses work on their communication skills, the marriage can be better than ever before. Unfortunately, "Communication Skills in Intimate Relationships" is not a required course. Link to comment
OC6 Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 I started with "I'd like to talk to you tonight after dinner if that's okay"....usually they know what's coming, but unfortunately this is what happens when two people aren't communicating everyday...all of a sudden, one isn't happy with the way things are going, and "the talk" needs to happen. But once it's all in the open (and be honest but tactful and consider her feelings...not that I think you won't) maybe you might find that she has been having the same feelings (or is completely oblivious to it like my husband). Anyway, good luck. Take care. How did it go? Were there tears, yelling, accusations, anger? I'd like to be as prepared as I can. I'm quite sure she feels the same as I do and the subject has been briefly mentioned previously during a not too pleasant 'exchange' regarding her mother. Thanks, your advice is very helpful. Link to comment
Pappers Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 How about you bring up the topic of couple's counselling instead? Then go together, and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, you can then separate with a clear conscious and it won't be so out of the blue or a shock to you both. Link to comment
OC6 Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 How about you bring up the topic of couple's counselling instead? Then go together, and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, you can then separate with a clear conscious and it won't be so out of the blue or a shock to you both. Good idea though I doubt it will achieve anything constructive. I'll suggest it and see what she thinks. Thanks again. Link to comment
timetoremember Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Well, no, no tears, just "uh oh, what is it this time?" My husband doesn't show emotion as he is not in touch with it most of the time. Nor does he react, so makes it a bit hard when trying to communicate. Sometimes I wish I could see some type of anger or response, to let me know that what I'm saying is actually making some sort of impact! I think what's important is to remain honest and let her have her say as well, and really listen to what each other is saying..repeat it back to her if you have to, just to let her know that you understood and respects what she's saying. If you remain honest with each other, then at least you know where each other stands and decisions can be made all above board. Let us know how you go. How did it go? Were there tears, yelling, accusations, anger? I'd like to be as prepared as I can. I'm quite sure she feels the same as I do and the subject has been briefly mentioned previously during a not too pleasant 'exchange' regarding her mother. Thanks, your advice is very helpful. Link to comment
meinreallife Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 My guess is that your wife already knows what is going on and will welcome a chance for open communication. In my own marriage I have found for the last year it has been easier to just not talk. We did have quite a fight last night. She was considering leaving me. I just don't know what is right anymore. Good luck to you OC Link to comment
Fireman Sam Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 If she dosn't know it's coming....you might be in for a shock. When my wife had that talk with me...I seriously went into shock/meltdown. Was truly the worst night of my life. You need to be careful how you do this. Link to comment
OC6 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 If she dosn't know it's coming....you might be in for a shock. When my wife had that talk with me...I seriously went into shock/meltdown. Was truly the worst night of my life. You need to be careful how you do this. She is aware that things aren't good between us but the fact that I'm asking for a separation might catch her off guard. How long did it take you to come to grips with the situation? Link to comment
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