The end of my 5yr relationship?

[lmnorthrup]

We have been in a serious relationship for 5 years now. I am 23 and he is 22 in November. Things were great for the first 6 months and then I made a mistake. Someone took advantage of me pulled down my pants and snapped a picutre of my rear end in my lacy panties and all. Then this person showed the picture to my boyfriend and told him it was all my doing. My boyfriend has a hard time trusting people to begin with so this really threw a wrench in our relationship. He still brings it up to this day and doesnt believe me when I tell him what happened. Because of this he has been very protective of me when I'm around men, and would actually prefer if I don't spend anytime with men other than my father.

 

On top of this my boyfriend and I have been through hell and back with various issues that have come up through out the 5 years. We have tried breaking up several times, but it never worked. We always missed eachother so much and felt such a strong urge to get back together. In a way we have a bond that cannot be broken. He has struggled with my depression and anxiety and I have struggled with his anger and immaturity. He actually used to be very verbally and mentally abusive. This has gotten much better, but he still freaks out sometimes and speaks to me in way's he shouldnt.

 

Because of our issues I have completely lost my lust for him and we pretty much stopped having sex. He begs me all the time for it and complains about how horrible it is not to have it, but I feel awful when we get intimate. I know it's not a physical problem, it's a mental problem. He really has a hard time understanding that in order for a women to want intimacy she has to feel happy in her relationship and be treated a certain way. He say's it's unfair to keep him from having sex at his age and that if I "put out" then he will be nice to me. Well after no sex for such a long time he has admitted he no longer views me in a sexual way and sometimes looks at other women.

 

We are seeing a sex therapist and she has suggested we put sex on hold and work on non-sexual intimacy first. She has also instructed that we use positive words and avoid topics that may cause arguments, plan one special date a week, and take spend 15 minutes once a week to talk about things. Both of us have been so busy that this has not worked out to well yet, but I am ready to make it happen now.

 

I have tried talking to him about it and still has not responded or shown a sense of urgency over the issue. He say's he wants to make things work, but then sometimes I'm not sure he really wants to. We have talked about friendship, but neither of us really wants to give up on eachother.

 

I'm really hurting right now because of this and just don't know what to do. We have something so special and care for eachother so much, but something needs to change.

 

Any suggestions on how we can get on the same page and work things out?

[redhearts]

Your better off without him, its trial and error in your probably first serious relationship

[elizmdavis]

Because of this he has been very protective of me when I'm around men, and would actually prefer if I don't spend anytime with men other than my father.

 

He has struggled with my depression and anxiety and I have struggled with his anger and immaturity. He actually used to be very verbally and mentally abusive. This has gotten much better, but he still freaks out sometimes and speaks to me in way's he shouldnt.

 

Well after no sex for such a long time he has admitted he no longer views me in a sexual way and sometimes looks at other women.

 

We are seeing a sex therapist and she has suggested we put sex on hold and work on non-sexual intimacy first.

 

 

 

Perhaps you are trying to push a square peg in to a round hole. The square peg being your dreams and desires of a happy future with him; the round hole is your current relationship (everything about it!).

 

You want there to be respect, trust, understanding, companionship, and all-around happiness right? That is your square peg. However, there are many things that are keeping you two from this. It all comes down to you as individuals. You admit your own depression and your issues with his attitude. He has issues with anger, abusive words and maturity. These things can hinder people from clairvoyance in their relationships. I am sure you are trying to aid your depression (if it is serious), you are probably good at it. Unless he is willing to see through his behavior (which is not an easy task) then he will not be able to help turn your relationship into the square-hole!

 

Maybe you guys should justtake personal time...lots of it...NC! It's not breaking up, it's taking a breather to decide what you really want. You must want something different than this, that shows you are growing and maturing as a person. 22 and 23 years old is still young....there is a lot to learn. I am 24 and all I can say is, everything that I've wanted to happen and planned for have not turned out like I'd thought - it was either completely different or better than I imagined.

[sti_2004]

Your better off without him, its trial and error in your probably first serious relationship

 

whoaw whoaw whoaw... help a sister out.

 

And whats this square peg through a circle hole anyway. I mean who sez that?.

 

 

lmnorthrup your definitly in a sticky sticky situation...its kinda like trying to ride a bike with one leg. it just doesnt work.

I think a break like living seperatly might work well, so all those good feeling can resurface you know.

Maybe going out with your friends on the weekends and him with his.

 

Theres no reason why you guys cant have a great life together though. Like the he girl above me was saying everythings not like how you always thought it would be.. its true but You can definitly make things work if your both smart.

 

Im with the time apart idea. some shock thearpy.

Maybe you guys could get separate hobbies and just support each other instead of relying on each other??

 

Best of luck girl, only a strong few make it.