lmnorthrup Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 We have been in a serious relationship for 5 years now. I am 23 and he is 22 in November. Things were great for the first 6 months and then I made a mistake. Someone took advantage of me pulled down my pants and snapped a picutre of my rear end in my lacy panties and all. Then this person showed the picture to my boyfriend and told him it was all my doing. My boyfriend has a hard time trusting people to begin with so this really threw a wrench in our relationship. He still brings it up to this day and doesnt believe me when I tell him what happened. Because of this he has been very protective of me when I'm around men, and would actually prefer if I don't spend anytime with men other than my father. On top of this my boyfriend and I have been through hell and back with various issues that have come up through out the 5 years. We have tried breaking up several times, but it never worked. We always missed eachother so much and felt such a strong urge to get back together. In a way we have a bond that cannot be broken. He has struggled with my depression and anxiety and I have struggled with his anger and immaturity. He actually used to be very verbally and mentally abusive. This has gotten much better, but he still freaks out sometimes and speaks to me in way's he shouldnt. Because of our issues I have completely lost my lust for him and we pretty much stopped having sex. He begs me all the time for it and complains about how horrible it is not to have it, but I feel awful when we get intimate. I know it's not a physical problem, it's a mental problem. He really has a hard time understanding that in order for a women to want intimacy she has to feel happy in her relationship and be treated a certain way. He say's it's unfair to keep him from having sex at his age and that if I "put out" then he will be nice to me. Well after no sex for such a long time he has admitted he no longer views me in a sexual way and sometimes looks at other women. We are seeing a sex therapist and she has suggested we put sex on hold and work on non-sexual intimacy first. She has also instructed that we use positive words and avoid topics that may cause arguments, plan one special date a week, and take spend 15 minutes once a week to talk about things. Both of us have been so busy that this has not worked out to well yet, but I am ready to make it happen now. I have tried talking to him about it and still has not responded or shown a sense of urgency over the issue. He say's he wants to make things work, but then sometimes I'm not sure he really wants to. We have talked about friendship, but neither of us really wants to give up on eachother. I'm really hurting right now because of this and just don't know what to do. We have something so special and care for eachother so much, but something needs to change. Any suggestions on how we can get on the same page and work things out? Link to comment
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