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Need some advice.....

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I dont know what to do now.....I posted a few weeks back about struggling to cope with losing my Mum from Cancer in March this year. Since then i have been seeing a councillor every week which i thought was helping a little, though where four months ago i felt sad all the time, now i do have some moments when i can focus on other things .

This sunday just gone, my best friend of 15 years, got married. The day would also have been my mums birthday, July 27. My dad was scattering mums ashes that morning with my uncle and aunt. I was a best man at the wedding. Everything was fine or so i thought, as i didnt remember anything when i woke up monday morning, but have been told by other friends, about midnight i got extremely emotional, and very angry, hit somebody and had to be restrained by several other people. I was apparently then hysteric and crying uncontrollably asking people why mum had to die. This went on for quite a while. I had had a few drinks, my mistake, however this has never happened to me before. I hate violence and managed to have a few beers with everyone on his stag weekend a couple of weeks before with no problems. Obviously i will not be drinking again but i am absolutely beside myself that i ruined my friends wedding for him and his wife. I didnt really want to go to the wedding in the first place because of the date and everything but i also didnt want to let him down obviously, which now i have, and he probably will never forgive me for. I am in the process of writing everybody and i accept that they may not accept my apologies. I will never forgive myself for this. My councillor says i hate and blame myself for mum getting sick. I do realise now that i should not have drunk alchohol. Why would i possibly lash out with people i love and respect though? Where is this anger coming from? Im totally at a loss here and am just so miserable..i cant go on like this...Can anyone give me any advice??? Four months on should i be feeling like this?? I know theres no magic answers but any opinions would be welcome

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It's all completely normal. I can't even imagine what i must feel like. Anger is normal in grief, its a part of grief, she'll always be in your heart which is the most important thing, Its not the type of thing that goes away, but in time the hurt and anger and pain WILL fade, but you'll always miss her and ask 'why'


Just keep seeing your therapist/councillor and talk about it when you need too.


Sorry for your loss.

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