I Think My Friend is Bulimic

[LW4E]

Hi,

 

This is about my friend, she was my girlfriend for nearly three years before breaking up with me last April.

 

The break up was a messy and confusing, but all along, I knew she left me for someone else. Before she broke up with me, she began working out a lot, saying she really wanted to lose weight, as she was more than a hundred pounds overweight for her age. She started working out heavily in late February, and I noticed that after her workout period, she would immediately go up to the washroom, and I'd hear her throwing up. I would check up on her because for a bit I thought she was legitimately sick. After a while, I began to think she was doing this intentionally, so I confronted her about it, I asked her if she was inducing her own vomiting, because this only happened after she worked out, and it went on for weeks. When I confronted her about it, she got offended and told me not to think "stupid things."

 

Well, she left me for someone else in April, and to this day she has lost over seventy pounds. She's happier with herself nowadays, and I'm happy for her that she's lost all the weight.

 

the other day I was on a forum site, one that is a little like ENA, I was looking up a quick fix for a nagging sunburn and I found a post that was made by my ex... I had no previous knowledge that she was a member on this site, but I recognized her username. She posted under a thread about being overweight, it was posted back in May, it said things like "I have lost close to fifty pounds now, and I have taken some unhealthy routes to get to where I am now." At another point in the post it said "I just think about my boyfriend when losing weight, I'm doing it for him."

 

So now, I'm a bit worried, because she's been on a journey to lose weight for less than half a year and told me the other night that she has lost over seventy pounds, and that just doesn't sound logical to me, I can't imagine losing that much weight in just five months.

 

Now I'm worried about her, because I've had family members who have really messed themselves up from a lot less. My ex has also told some of her friends that she can "never feel good enough for Jason (er new boyfriend)" and in a way, I believe that, because I've known that guy for four years and it's well known that he has a superficial perception of what women should look like. Quite frankly, it's also well known that he's an A-Hole as well.

 

I know I can't even talk to her about this because she never listens to me, if I so much as bring up her new boyfriend, she thinks I'm trying to convince her that he isn't worth her time when, everytime I've brought him up, I've just been telling the truth, even if telling the truth means exposing his lies. So my ex never listens to me, but I don't want to see her get hurt.

 

I'm not even asking what I can do, because I know the most common answer will be "It's her life, she can make her own decisions." I've heard it all before, I just sometimes feel that as a friend, I can do more than nothing.

 

I just needed to vent because this has been bothering me, part of the reason I'm so concerned is because of the rate of her weight loss, because I myself lost close to twenty pounds in two weeks after she broke u pwith me because I went through a stage of depression where I wouldn't eat, drink or sleep... all I did was walk to school, sit there, and walk back. I know that's unhealthy, but my body was rejecting anything I put into it. So now I look at her, and can't help but to worry for her life.

[morgane]

um, it's not that hard to loose weight quickly if you just consume less than 300 calorie a day, drink lots of water and work out alot. I've lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks before, it's not that hard, but alot of it was also water weight so that's might be the case with your friend.

[delphi88]

It sounds really hard to think that she's doing something damaging to herself, but as you said yourself, she has to make her own decisions. I think if you are worried you she speak to her again (or if its easier write or email her) and just tell her what you're worried about. Make it about her, try not to bring up the bf if that could cause an argument. You could just make it clear that you think she looks great as she is and that you're there if she wanted to talk, and then leave it. She might take your advice or she might not, but at least you tried. I know it doesn't sound great advice because you'll obviously still be worried, but I guess all you can do is be on standby to help if she ever wants it x

[LW4E]

Isn't consuming less than 300 calories a day unhealthy anyway? the lowest reccomended calorie intake per day is four times that amount.

 

Like I said, I noticed her in the washroom throwing up a lot after working out, not to mention, for a while (I don't know if she still does) she was eating a lot of unhealthy foods as well, pop, chips, popcorn, kraft dinner close to everyday, yet she's still losing tons of weight.

 

I don't know about going to her about it, even if I don't bring up her boyfriend, she'll still take offense to it, that's the way she is. Although she is still my friend, her new boyfriend has told her a lot of things about me that simply aren't true and now she doesn't exactly treat me as an equal when it comes to her friends, I don't really care because I'm rarely every around her anymore. I recently got together with her for the first time in a month, that was on Tuesday, we were with another friend and she kept hitting me, saying "Well, you're just... Blake, so I hit you." So even if I did get down to talking to her, she'd never listen to me anyway because I'm pretty sure she sees me as a monster because of her new boyfriend (Who doesn't even know me on a personal level.)

[floaterg]

you sound mature for your age. it seems like you've already done something by confronting her about it. if she doesn't want help, she's going to have to deal with it on her own, despite how you feel. i give you kudos for saying anything at all.

[LW4E]

you sound mature for your age. it seems like you've already done something by confronting her about it. if she doesn't want help, she's going to have to deal with it on her own, despite how you feel. i give you kudos for saying anything at all.

 

Mature for my age? I get that a lot, but sometimes I have to argue it

 

There is a part of me angered by this, when she was with me, she would always complain about her weight and say that she wanted to lose weight, sometimes even going as far as to say "I want to look good for you." I would tell her that I don't care how much she weighs and that if she did want to make an effort to lose weight that she would do it for herself, and nobody else.

 

I don't know how some people think, but I wouldn't want to date someone who I thought I wasn't good enough for. I think it shows that her new relatinship is already an unbalanced and uneven one.

 

With all the weight she's lost, she's still finding flaws in herself, and I think this'll continue until she weighs next to nothing. With all the weight she's lost, she still says "My arms are huge." When he arms get smaller, she'll find something else to criticize herself on until there is literally nothing left.

 

God, I hate this whole situation...