Seabreeze Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I hate when all these old sayings start to make sense such as: "What ever goes around comes around" or " You dont know what you have until its gone" So here is my story: I have been in a relationship with my girl since 2003 (end of high school, she did not go to my hs btw we sorta met through friends). Everything is always great in the beginning, but after about 2 years we started having some problems pretty much we did the ol break up for 2 weeks and get back together thing so many times I lost count.. well we made it all the way to 2007-2008 and thats when my g/f continued to nag me about "where this relationship is going" "do you see a future for us" "do you see yourself marrying me"....well at that time my type of answer was either I cannot answer that right now or lets just live in the present for now. This is around the time where we would get into fights for no reason and just get annoyed/ frustrated with each other until one little argument about nothing turned into us splitting up for 3 months...and now we are in the present. Present situation; So we parted ways for 3 months I started dating a few girls 3 to be exact, but no one I was really interested in. She started dating some guy from out of state that she would mainly talk to on the phone/online I think she may have visited him twice. Anyways I realize after dating a few people that I actually missed her a lot and wanted her back in my life especially after I found out she was dating someone else. I asked her out to lunch one day to talk she hesitated at first, but agreed. I told her I realized how much I loved her and was willing to commit a little more to the future.. ha what happened next I did not see coming. She pretty much looked spooked/surprised and tried to get away as fast as she could. She said she was completely over me and we should both move on, but I could tell by her face she was telling the half truth. Well after that lunch she didnt want to talk to me, but I am a very persistent person so she eventually gave in.. we talked took a walk in the park and kissed and she said she would think about us getting back together after her vacation (she is leaving in 2 days for 1 week). So I have been textin her regularly throughout the day, but she seems to ignore all my text so I called her a few times until she decided to pick up. I asked her why she was ignorin my text and then I said what ever Ill give you your space until you get back from your vacation then we can talk about us... ha then she says about us? I dont know if thats a good idea and then says " I gotta go". Yeaa so pretty much we have swapped places. I am the one now that "wants the relationship to work" more than her and I am willing to commit more than before and I have no idea what she wants. She seems to have mixed feelings as I did before. So it seems like to me she still loves me, but wants to move on and "figure out who she is and what she wants". I guess it has changed since we broke up. Now I dont exaclty want to move on, but this "if you love something let it go, and if it comes back to you...." sounds like its gonna take some time...so the question is do i wait and put my life on hold which might all be for nothing or should I just try to move on which I don’t want to do either. BTW for age reference I am 23 she is 24 Link to comment
LYC Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 This is the situation I was in a few years ago. Except, we were married and he didnt want to be married any longer and I tried to tell him it was just a phase and hes gonna regret it and blah blah, well needless to say we got a divorce and I moved on and he has deeply regretted it since. So, maybe she is feeling how I felt in my relationship. I think this is how a lot of women are, once you try with someone and consistently feel unwanted you force yourself to move on so you dont hurt anymore and you end up losing emotional attachment to that person for good. I think men seem to be in your situation a lot and want/need time to sort themselves out and then a light goes off like 'Oh! I really do love her, okay, im ready for her now' and then you end up losing out, so to speak, because she has already forced herself to move on. I know this isn't the most pleasant response to your post, but I just thought I'd share exactly how it was for my similar situation so maybe it could shed some light on yours. Link to comment
Seabreeze Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 I think you might be right. I just wish I could hear it from her, but once I made it clear that I wanted her back and I was willing to commit & appreciate her more she doesnt want to talk to me at all. I thought we were going somewhere after our 3rd and final lunch, but now she seems scared and doesnt want to talk to me at all. I cant help but laugh how funny life is sometimes. You would think she would say " yay you finally want what I want! Thats great lets live happily ever after" I should let her have her space, but I cannot do that unless she makes things crystal clear for me that she no longer has any feelings for me. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 You may need to back off for a while. She understands what you want. Now, I think, you just need to let her decide for herself. I know you say you cannot give her space... but the consequences of not giving her space are far worse. You may lose any and all potential with her. Link to comment
bepositive Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 After 4-5 years, it's understandable that she would push for marriage. The other downside is that you're still reasonably young (or at least you were when you started), and both of your needs and wants are still developing to some degree. She may have found that she prefers something different. However, Badman is right; you've said all you can say to her, and now the ball is in her court. She can't realize how much she misses you if you're always around. Good luck, and hang in there. Link to comment
Seabreeze Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 well....looks like its a little late for that. So I decided to keep calling her until she picked up she seemed angry when she picked up and told me if I called her one more time she would block my number...of course I had to. So I gave her a call today and her number has been changed....I could not help but laugh at this, but for some reason the further she pushes away the more I feel like I need to try. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 well....looks like its a little late for that. So I decided to keep calling her until she picked up she seemed angry when she picked up and told me if I called her one more time she would block my number...of course I had to. So I gave her a call today and her number has been changed....I could not help but laugh at this, but for some reason the further she pushes away the more I feel like I need to try. Oh dear, I smell a restarining order! She's made up her mind by the sounds of things. Save your dignity and your reputation as a sane person, go NC. Link to comment
Seabreeze Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 LOL! Im a lil crazy I will admit, but not enough for a restraining order. So I called verizon got her new number and started textin her she wasnt really surprised, but she did tell me this " I lost my feelings when i realized theres a lot more to see in life by MYSELF. lol" I mean thats really all I needed to hear before she was unclear. But I know when to let go...sorta Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 LOL! Im a lil crazy I will admit, but not enough for a restraining order. So I called verizon got her new number and started textin her she wasnt really surprised, but she did tell me this " I lost my feelings when i realized theres a lot more to see in life by MYSELF. lol" I mean thats really all I needed to hear before she was unclear. But I know when to let go...sorta LOL, no..........you didn't know when to let go. Anytime you need to call her phone service provider to get her new number, you're PAST the point of knowing when to let go. Come on bro! Take a hint. Just my opinion. Its harsh for your own good. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 LOL! Im a lil crazy I will admit, but not enough for a restraining order. So I called verizon got her new number and started textin her she wasnt really surprised, but she did tell me this " I lost my feelings when i realized theres a lot more to see in life by MYSELF. lol" I mean thats really all I needed to hear before she was unclear. But I know when to let go...sorta Is it that easy to get a phone number? Or did you have to lie to get it? Link to comment
Seabreeze Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 GoldenHillGuy: Ha I know I know, but she has done worse in the past. One time she broke into my car stole my surfboard and my beach pass just to get my attention. Stella Sleepwalks: Well not that I would advise anyone to do what I did because thats just passed crazy, but I had to lie a little. Link to comment
Seabreeze Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 Why is it so much easier to try to hate somone rather than just letting them go? Link to comment
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