I want him in my life

[arietta23]

I have posted several times here. But basically my ex and i broke up in Feb. after 4 months of dating. We attempted to be "friends" but it was friends with all the benefits. 2 weeks after we broke up he was asking this girl out and would text and call her while he was with me. I found out and kind of lost it, crying, pleading...all the bad things. He basically wouldn't return any of my calls and after that I went into NC. It has now been 4 months of NC. I think of him everyday. Some days hurts more than others.

 

I have tried dating. Exercising. Reading. Going out with friends. All seem to be bandaids to the soul.

 

We have mutual friends and I was told a few weeks ago, that he has alot of free time because my replacement, according to my ex was "high maintenance".

 

I texted my ex last week, " how's everything?" but he never responded.

 

When i think about the relationship, I know it was missing alot of important things that I thought I could live with, but with the added knowledge that he was never really into me and was able to throw me away without any problem, I think i deserve better. At least my head says that. My heart is saying other things.

 

But the meaning of me writing and asking for help, is that I really miss my ex.

I miss the friendship. I miss the hanging out. And confiding in each other. I just miss him. I want the friendship part back. I know that this has a whole can a worms to it(like the current gf) but can it hurt more than i have been feeling for months now?

 

Would it be wrong to have LC with the ex?

And how do I get him to respond to me?

 

I think the reason he didn't is he thinks I want the relationship back and why would he want that while he is in another?

Do I have to wait until it ends with her?

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Zeitgeist]

I think that you shouldn't cry over anyone who wouldn't cry over you. You've gone 4 months NC. Keep going and it will get better. Once it gets better you will see that there are other fish in the sea. And the one that wants you back will make you wonder what you ever saw in this one.

[luvs2kayak]

I don't want to sound mean, but my impression from reading your post is that he was "not that into you." Then when you had the rant after you realized the friends w/bennies wouldn't work, he decided to write you off. In other words, he sounds like a cold and self-centered person. I could be wrong, but that is my impression.

 

Try to get a stronger backbone and walk away mentally and emotionally from this person. Find someone who loves you and embraces you, and who would not reduce you to friend w/ benefits status....

 

YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!

[Rising]

Also, I think it's likely too fresh to have a functional friendship. You are clearly emotionally attached beyond the scope of friendship (not that it is a bad thing, but it might be dangerous)

 

My ex and I have tried being friends, like we were before she and I got together, and it's just not possible. There's too much history and its so obvious that we aren't just friends anymore when we talk. Avoiding certain subjects, a level of intimacy that creeps it's way back into the conversations, etc.

 

The part of him you miss is the same part of him that drew you to want to have something more with him. That wouldn't likely change and would most likely lead you to more frustration, especially if he was continuing dating while you were together.

 

I agree that you should keep the NC and try to balance your thoughts of missing him with thoughts of pushing forward and finding yourself someone who will give you what you really need in a relationship.

 

Best of luck

-Rising

[Hollyj]

It will be even more painful if you try to be friends. It doesn't work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Don't contact him again b/c when he doesn't respond you'll feel worse than you did initially.

[penelope13]

i agree with everyone else: it seems you are still too vulnerable to be having any contact with him; it's normal to miss the friendship and the hanging out; but just ask yourself if you just miss being in a relationship, or if you miss something that is uniquely different between him and all the rest?