jarias2311 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Hey guys, My ex and I decided to call it quits for good just two weeks ago today. During that time I told her that if its over then its over over which means I just simply cant be her friend bc it will be too hard. Anyways, two weeks have gone by and i have kept NC up but there have been days lately where I can tell I am getting weaker and weaker and I want to talk to her. To make a long story short, today my ex broke NC and texted me. When i saw her # pop up on my phone my heart just sunk and I got nervous. Heres what the text said Hope everything is going well for you....you dont have to respond to this text, I just wanted to say hi.. Now ever since she sent it my mind has been racing as to why she would text me. My friends have told me its bc she wants to still see if she has me so to speak. For right now it has been 3 hours and I have not responded. I just need to know from anyone who can help, should I text her back? I dont want to be an * * * * * * * and make her upset bc im just a nice guy i guess u can say. So what should I do? PS...why would she text me in the first place? I dont understand it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isilv3r Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 She misses you of course. Sometimes people text things like that bcuz they feel comfort knowing that the other person is still around. I've sent almost the "EXACT" same text msg to my ex and when I wrote it, although i told her not to respond, I wanted her too...but i was giving her the option in case she didn't want to. Text messages can be really hard to decipher but one simple like this means she misses you....probably as much as you are missing her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyboy Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 i would not text her back, there is no need. whether she realizes it or not, she just wants to know if she can still have you, if your pining over her...as your friends suggested. if she ends up wanting you back, she'll try a lot harder then that...and she should have to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isilv3r Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 It's not entirely true. However, it depends on what happened to the relationship. Why did you break up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarias2311 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Thanks for the replies..if more can respond that would be great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deang Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 she's feeling guilty and maybe missing you a bit...she wants you to tell her everything is ok so she can get back to her life without you....let her sit there... her text doesn't require a reply. I had my current date do this to me when we fought a couple of weeks ago. After we made up she asked why I didn't reply to her text and I asked her what she wanted me to say...she wanted me to say everything was ok so it would relieve her of guilt and she'd know I was still there for her. I'll go with my very recent experience and say don't take the bait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deang Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 oh and when I didn't reply to the text...the next day she called me apologizing for upsetting me...while our situation is different it's a little window into what the person is thinking when they do these things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diamond78 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Well, who knows why dumpees do this....but if you decide to reply I would say something like this: "I am doing very well, thank you." and leave it at that! I wouldn't ask how she is doing, and my text would make it clear that I'm doing pretty good without her. or you can just continue on with your NC. I think either option is best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 she's feeling guilty and maybe missing you a bit...she wants you to tell her everything is ok so she can get back to her life without you....let her sit there... her text doesn't require a reply. I had my current date do this to me when we fought a couple of weeks ago. After we made up she asked why I didn't reply to her text and I asked her what she wanted me to say...she wanted me to say everything was ok so it would relieve her of guilt and she'd know I was still there for her. I'll go with my very recent experience and say don't take the bait. If this is the case what do you suggest a woman in this same position do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarias2311 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Will not texting her make her upset? I just dont really understand as to why she would text me. All its done from my side is just make my head spin for the whole day.. This is so difficult Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Will not texting her make her upset? I just dont really understand as to why she would text me. All its done from my side is just make my head spin for the whole day.. This is so difficult From a woman's perspective who also broke up with her ex (but I regret it) she probably wants to test your response, maybe she wants to say more but is scared so she put that out there to see what you would say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarias2311 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Can you explain that a lil? From a woman's perspective who also broke up with her ex (but I regret it) she probably wants to test your response, maybe she wants to say more but is scared so she put that out there to see what you would say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicky8989 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 ive done this before. she probably thinks she made a mistake...if you dont text her back then she'll probably go crazy. what was she trying to get accross to you...? the text was pointless, so of course she wants you to text back. If you dont want her back, then dont text her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Can you explain that a lil? Take me for instance I would love to just come out and ask him does this mean we are over but I am scared of response. (I have already told him that I was wrong and that I was sorry, but he still hasn't said that he forgives me either way). So that being said if I was too send him a text something small just to see if he would respond, and respond favorably that would probably give me the confidence or courage to say more. I am not saying this is what she is doing but it could be!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarias2311 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 ive done this before. she probably thinks she made a mistake...if you dont text her back then she'll probably go crazy. what was she trying to get accross to you...? the text was pointless, so of course she wants you to text back. If you dont want her back, then dont text her. She broke up with me..thats why I am so lost as to why she texted me.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deang Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 no one is going to base getting back together on whether you returned a text message...if she's that worried about it she'll call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 She broke up with me..thats why I am so lost as to why she texted me.. There are many reason why. The only to find out is to text back. Or you could stick to NC. Depending on what you want out of it. Do you want her back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deang Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 if you want her back stick to NC...if you want to reassure her that you are still there for her even when she doesn't want to date you anymore then text back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarias2311 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Yes I want her back.. How does sticking to NC get her back? I dont undersatand that 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thouse Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Yes I want her back.. How does sticking to NC get her back? I dont undersatand that 1 They say it makes them more curious and makes them seek you out. Want my take on it. I am hurting right now because I dumped my boyfriend and I regret it, but I won't beg and I won't kiss his butt because we have both done things, and when he broke up with me the first time he came back after a couple of months and I did not make him grovel or beg. If I contacted him a few times and he did not return contact, I would say to heck with it. So it's really taking a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gee Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Yes I want her back.. How does sticking to NC get her back? I dont undersatand that 1 Nevermind sticking to NC to get her back! Just stick to NC for your own good! Let's say you replied and then you read or hear something that might hurt you more...would that make you feel better? Unless, she texts/calls you to reconcile then i say go ahead with caution, but why bother replying to something like this? It doesn't mean a thing (Action Speak Louder than Words)! These texts are setbacks and it is obvious becauseyou are here! NC is to heal and start to get your life back on track! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarias2311 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 But what does it mean from her perspective? What is going through her head?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whes Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I think it was said before, but what probably motivated her to send that text asking how you are was guilt at breaking up with you. If you tell her that you're O.K., then she doesn't have to feel guilty anymore and she can move on. I do not think she wants to get back together with you, and I agree with the others that sending a text message back is not a very good idea at this point. It just gets you thinking about her all over again. IF she ever wants to see you again, and it totally is in her hands since she was the one who ended things, it will be up to her to call, not you. There is nothing you can do to change her mind or decipher or sway her feelings, so for the sake of your own heart, let it be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deang Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 read these posts to get more of an understanding of NC...you are more likely to push them away then you are to get them back by chasing or replying to nonsense texts and NC is mainly for you and has a side benefit of sometimes getting the ex interested again. Check out some of these threads...majord and superdave are pretty spot on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jessiesgirl14 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Yes I want her back.. How does sticking to NC get her back? I dont undersatand that 1 its a very hard concept to understand but trust me because I have been there. You think if you dont text her back that she will think you dont want to be with her/you are over here/you dont care, etc and that she will move on. I remember when my "ex" told me a couple months after we had broken up(but still remained in contact) that he had "met" this girl and was taking it slow with her to see where it goes but wanted to remain friends with me. I was absolutely devestated and gathered up what little strength to tell him that we couldnt be friends if he was dating someone else. 3 days went by and I returned home one afternoone to him blowing up my IMs, telling me how big of a mistake he was making. Needless to say, we are back together, of course have had our issues/moments, but doing well. You need to show your ex that YOU are in control. If you answer to every single beckoning she makes, you will show her she has control over you. No one can say yet whether this text means she is checking up or that it means she is making the attempt to reconcile. Id say wait to see if you receive another one. If you HAVE to, wait a little bit longer(to show her you arent waiting around for her call) and text back a short and sweet "im good thank you for asking" and leave it at that. Dont let her know you miss her or want her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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