Ever have to go thru your dead parents' house/stuff after they were gone?

[crosstownTraffic]

I'm doing that now and not sure if it was the 800 mile trip almost 2 weeks ago I drove ALONE, or just the overwhelming task of going thru my family stuff and trying to clean up the house at the same time, so possibly my family can put it on the market.

 

 

I painted one of the rooms... It looks good, but still need to do the trim on the windows and ceiling.

I'm starting to feel like Atlas though and I don't really know anyone in this town anymore and feeling desperately lonely.

 

I also feel exhausted. I have a friend back in my state I now live in for the last 15 years. We talk every day.. however, i just met him about a month ago. Nice guy really. We've had some nice long talks. Found out though he has a girlfriend! She's quite older than him, but so... all he's ever goign to be is a buddy.... not that I think I would want to date someone as young as him... but we went out to have something to eat and drink and he never mentioned her during dinner.

 

I'm tempted to ask him if he's got any hot cute older male friends I could date!

well... someone give me some positive feedback.. the faucet sprung a leak last week and this guy came to fix it.. only thing is.. he didn't do a good job and started a leak elsewhere, then, I had to call in a real plumber to fix his mess.... then the pipe in the basement started to leak. Luckily he knew how to fix that...

I am so on the fence here. I could stay in the house, my family would allow it, but we are thinking we ought to sell it now.....so my family doesn't have to keep paying the bills for it...

 

The neighborhood or should i say town has really changed though. Lots more crime and just bad elements in our town then when I lived here.

 

I am not sure i'd want to stay here for a few years, given that.. and it's getting worse.

people are talkign to me here at least though... the guy who delivers the mail is cute too!

well gotta go get another chore done.

I think i need to take a break.. i'm going to tyry to go swimming this week. I need a break bad! LOL

take care y'all, leave me some posts, okay?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

That's a very tough job to do. Both my parents are still alive but I dread the day when I will have to sort through their stuff..a very painful process. My friend just when through that process as her mother just died. At least her father was around and her sisters as well so she didn't have to do it alone. If you are not comfortable living there and you have a solid life elsewhere, it probably makes more sense to sell the house. The memories are in your heart anyways...a house is just four walls and a roof...it is the people and stuff inside that make it a home.

[correspondent08]

Hi CrossTownTraffic,

 

My sister did what you are doing, she moved back to my mother's house after Mom died. My sister did the vast majority of the house cleanup, I was there on and off to help with some of the work (moving big furniture sorting through Mom's book collection), but my sister did some of the really difficult things by herself like going through Mom's closet and sorting her clothes. My sister also handled a lot of house neglect like you are talking about, leaky pipes, broken door locks &c.

 

After her staying there for a couple of years we worked out a deal where she took over ownership of the house, and my brother and I took Mom's savings, things worked out roughly equally. I recognized the necessity of the job my sister was doing, somebody needed to look after the place, and the place needed some general maintenance and cleanup, so the house bills were jointly paid for a while, but after a couple of years I did push her a little to make a choice and either commit to staying there and having it become her house or to simply sell.

 

My sister was a little further removed from my mother than I was, she found living in Mom's house as a sort of route to understanding our Mother better. I still enjoy being able to visit the house, although I don't think I could live there.

 

Its a hard job, Good Luck

[watergirl]

I had to do that last month. It was very hard. My father had a small (2 bedroom) apartment and it took my brother and I 12 hours to clean it out. We ended up keeping stuff like pictures and heirlooms, but the furniture and stuff we gave to an auction house to sell. See if you can get a friend to come help you for a day or two. It will take the burden off of you. Where's the rest of your family? Why can't they come help? Also from what you said, I'd sell the house. You and your family won't have to worry about it. The other thing you could do is keep it and rent it out. Then you might get a little income.

 

I'm sorry for your loss but I can honestly say I know what you're going through.

[crosstownTraffic]

well, that is another thread.. my brother did not get part of the house, only some contents of it.. although other members of my family did get a share of the house (but he already OWNS a very large house) and is not willing to come help me clean stuff out.

My sister-in-law did offer a while back, but I was upset with my brother, whom has hardly spoken to me at all since my mom died.

That is a whole nother thread in the making... I'm totally flaggerghast and shocked and hurt at my brother's attitude... but he's been sort of non-communicative and hateful for a few years now....

 

anyway... there's been this realtor who contacted me asking if we wanted to sell the house.. the only thing is.. she's from the same neighborhood, her family is, and she wants me to have the house sold at a very low price to get it sold quick, cuz the market is so bad..

However, she also wants me to make all these improvements and do all this stuff that takes time and money and it's just enough to just go thru the house and try to sort out what I want to keep.

YES, throwing out one's parents clothes has to be the hardest thing yet!

I have tried to go to several clothing consignment shops but they are so damn picky and just want stuff that is ony this or last year's styles and even though my mom's sutff was in impeccable shape, I have watsed several hours rounding it all up, taking it to the consignment shop, only to end up bringing it to good will or the thrift store and just giving it to them for a tax credit...... sad.....

 

they were so hateful.... the consignment shops... and the estate auction people are not much fun to deal with either..... they want EVERYTHING... even if it is something you want to keep!

I cannot give them everything, and if the house does not sell.. what is the point of coming back to a house COMPLETELY empty and trying to get by?

[crosstownTraffic]

I sort of get where your sis is coming from. It seems a bit therapeutic to stay at my folks' house as I did not get to see them much, living in another state before I died.

 

Also.. the house is really kinda nice.. it's a 2 story, nice yard, safe neighborhood... super convenient to everything....

 

I hate paying so much rent in the state I live presently.... my family would let me live here for very little cost... only utilities.. so.... i'm kinda contemplating asking the family to wait before we sell the place... the market is the worst it has been in years...

The only hassle would be getting all my stuff back from where I live now... or... we could sell... probably take a 15% loss on the house and then i'd have even less to get a place of my own with.....

I should go online, huh, and see what is available and for what price in the area I live in now, shouldn't it? That way I could tell my famiy whether it's wise to sell or not...

[crosstownTraffic]

BTW, watergirl, I'm sorry about the death of your dad. You know the hardest thing is parting with stuff from my dad, as we didn't see each other for several years before he got sick and died!

I don't know.. the market is just so bad right now and my rent is really outrageous... I love where i live, it's so pretty... but it's gotten so expensive, there's no way I'd be able to afford some place there if I bought a place, and the social scene has become so weird...all these thousands of rich new people have moved in, driving up the cost of everything..... but at the same time, you cannot find a decent job to save your life!

[chocolates]

Ive done it recently. Both my parents died within a year of each other. They lived 6 hrs away, and for a few months we did nothing.

 

So mum died last June, and it wasnt til december that i started sorting thru stuff.

 

The went back in feb and sorted thru more stuff and then put it on the market.

 

And now i have some stuf here, i will be sorting thru that again as well.

 

Its just not something you can rush, and in the end you have to remember its just "stuff"

 

The clothes are pretty hard, i took most to charity.

 

basically what i also did was firstly get sentimental or valuable or important things out of the house first, and then for some reason it becomes easier to deal with the rest.

 

So u just have to keep telling yourself its not a race, and just pace yourself.

[crosstownTraffic]

I shud of kept readin this thread the past few weeks, Have been so so busy, trying to go thru the house, getting the house more * * * * & span so If we wanted to put it on the market it would show better. Have painted THREE bedrooms with floor and ceiling trim all by myself and I must say it's a vast improvement. It's a nice little house... not really even that little honestly, I would love to stay in it, if the market is so cruddy it won't fetch a good price.

Sadly the neighbors that my mum & dad used to be so kind to and have been mowing the lawn in our absense for a fee hardly speak to me at all. That hurts.. but everyone says that people are quite standoff-ish here, snobby, and that is certainly apparent to me also!

 

However I have met some nice people when I've been up here and so I don't find it that grim people wise. I find many of the new people in my town equally as snooty and they have just arriced there!

 

So... we shall see, had the estate sale people come earlier this week and remove alot of the furniture and other stuff, alot of which I wish I hadn't parted with..... I hope they bring us a decent price for the house.

Afterwards I showed it to a realtor I thought I was going to be working with and all the improvements I did. He did not have one positive thing to say about the house and even insisted I must get rid of even more stuff!

For gods sake, who is to say he's even going to be able to sell the house for me at a reasonable price. He comment on why I kept my grandfather's old desk. It's a great desk and I would never find another one at a reasonable price, so why not keep it??

I'm not going to use him.... I don't like his attitude and I don't want to work with someone who insists that I do things that make me uncomfortable!

Tomorrow I'm meeting with another agent... I did meet with this other lady agent but I was not too impressed but at least she was sensitive to the fact that I had recent lost my family member.... so in worst case scenario I could use her I suppose.... Actually my family used to know her family and they were nice people and so.. i wouldn't really bother me that much to use her.... but she must list the house for the price i want and do what I want, not what she wants... after all she would be owrking for me, not vice versa.

 

well wish me luck....I'm not going to stay up here much longer.. I've got to head back.. I was hoping to find a decent realtor by now.. but that other guy... forget it.. I am not happy with him and I will not use him, simple as that.