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Hey guys, I have a question.


When I first dated my husband (back in high school), I straightened my extremely curly hair with a chemical relaxer, just like all the rest of the girls with my type of hair. My hair barely went past my chin.


We broke up in high school. I moved away for college and I cut my hair short and vowed never to put a chemical relaxer in it again. Over the years, my hair grew to the middle of my back, but, being extremely curly, shrinks to my chin most of the time. Granted, over time, I heat-straightened my hair every once in a while (less than once a year) to see the length, but most of the time I kept my hair in styles that complimented my curly texture.


When we started dating again 2 years ago, he saw that I wore my hair in curly styles all of the time. However, he would drop hints about wanting to see my hair straight. He didn't see a problem since I used to keep it straight all the time before. I heat-straightened and he went gaga, taking pictures of me and playing in my hair the whole time. He would go back to normal when I washed my hair and went back to the curly styles.


He would even try to project that I liked my hair better when it was straight. Actually, I don’t—I like the length, but the straight look really elongates my face and shows my giant forehead. I much prefer certain curly styles that soften my face and don’t draw attention to my forehead. In addition, I believe that I’ve been keeping my length because I don’t straighten my hair all the time. I notice more split ends and short sections after I straighten, especially when I get a hard press. And when I chemically treated my hair, my hair never went past shoulder length.


So, we’re newlyweds, and yes, he’s still complaining about the straight hair. I halfway want to straighten more so he’d leave me alone, but I’m terrified of losing my length. Plus, like I said, I prefer curly hair on me.


The irony is, I don’t ask anything of him except please don’t get a jheri curl. Heck, he chemically relaxed his hair a few times since we’ve been together and I don’t say much (although I think that he looks like a broke down pimp sometimes)


So, is straightening my hair more often really a issue worth fighting over? Should I just give in (although the thought makes me sick to my stomach)? Or should he just suck it up and be happy with a curly head(but he won’t see me as beautiful)?


I know everyone should love you the way you are--but I’m thinking practically here. Plus, it’s not abusive, it’s just a difference of opinion.

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my first reaction to this was-- he's being so inconsiderate, selfish and because he loves you he should think youre beautiful either way.


then i thought, my boyfriend, i hate it when he doesn't shave. i think it looks ugly. i still think he is gorgeous and i still want him just as much, but i think it looks really bad to have a heavily unshaven face. he likes it though.

he only shaves for me.

and then when he randomly doesnt i feel offended that he wouldnt do that for me.


but it doesnt take away from how much i want him and how much i love him.


so maybe this is the same kind of thing.

compromise compromise compromise is what you have to do. straighten it half the time or some of the time, and keep it the way you want for the rest of the time. Or, just leave it the way you like it, and then only straighten it for special occasions.



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Thanks, I was thinking about straightening it just for special occasions or once a year. It just doesn't seem like it's enough though. I straightened for our wedding, but he was mad because I didn’t “maintain” it (our apartment flooded and we moved and I sweated it out within 2 days). He claims to not even remember when I straightened it before August). It just sucks because he doesn’t usually go wild over me except when I straighten my hair. Now he claims to have given up. I want extra attention ASAP! Lol It doesn’t help that I’m pregnant and overanalyzing stuff now anyway.


I'm still a little peeved though. I took the time to straightened it, and he still wants to get mad because I didn't keep it for more than 2 days (despite the extenuating circumstances). Why look a gift horse in the mouth? Maybe I shouldn't think of it that way.

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I think someone told me about some recent hair straightening advances that are easier on the hair, and last a long time (up to 6 months). They are not cheap though, i think she told me it cost $250 to have it done in the salon.


You might want to ask around at a top salon and find out the newest treatments that are easier on your hair.

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