Why do Ex GF likes to keep Contact ??

[SadMan]

Hi guys...

 

Well Most of you know my story, I broke up with my ex two months ago of 5 years. At the begging she doesnt really contact me or anything. But ever since she know I've been going out with girls (she saw me on the road) and I have a gf she keeps some sort of contact every 2 to 3 days (Online messages, cell, e-mail).... another words, she called me again....

 

Now my questions:

 

1) Why do Ex like to keep contact and ask every question she could about my life? Ex: School, Work, " GirlFriend " ??

 

2) Why do Ex like to ask about the past and compare with my current GF ? Ex: you are more happy with her, you are more compatible with her....

 

3) Do they contact because they are unhappy? Sad ? Have problems ? Not happy with Current NEW boyfriend ? They want us back ?

 

or

 

They just want to call and ask so they can drag me on until I am emotionally dead ???

 

Thanks guys.... You guys have been great help to my previous posts....

 

I am sure lots of guys and gals like to ask these kinda questions

 

Thanks again...

 

SadMan

[andromeda]

You're doing the right thing by going out with other girls. You need to take care of yourself.

 

I can't analyze your situation, but it sounds a lot like the one I used to have. I don't even know the reason for the breakup (mine was another man, and it didn't play out, which was why my ex wanted to stay in touch with me).

 

If you were ever friends without being--or wanting to be--lovers, you could keep contact. If one of you can't go back to being friends without getting that nagging itch when you see him/her with a new person, then don't keep contact.

 

It kills me sometimes that I can't keep contact with my ex, because

I did care once. But then I think about how the new info will affect me, and, well...

 

The past is the past. Let it go.

 

My new girlfriend doesn't satisfy all my wish list, but she does satisfy the most important things on it. The things that last.

 

You will be happy again.

[luxe_13]

Hi Sadman

 

Ever heard "you don't know what you've got til it's gone"?

 

Now that she knows your seeing someone else she is feeling as though she really has lost you now.

 

I think that when she broke up with you ( i assume she ended it?) she still had the comfort that you loved her, even if she was done with the realtionship.

 

We (especially girls) always want what we can't have. Now that you've moved on she feels the need to contact you.

 

Keep moving on. This sounds harsh but I think if you let her take you back she will turn cold again once she knows she has you.

 

Or...maybe she has realised that she wants you back...

 

I would be wary of her reasons for contact. Don't make any rash decisions.

If she really wants you she will let it be known. Don't worry

 

You will be happy if you stay true to yourself and how YOU feel.

Don't let other people control your happiness. I am still trying to learn this.

[The Morrigan]

Ever have to choose between two REALLY yummy desserts, like Chocolate Sin, and Heavenly Cheesecake, and when you're SURE you've chosen the one you want - the other one on your buddy's plate takes on a new "oh man, wish I'd picked THAT one!" appeal? That's part of it - now that she sees you on someone else's menu and feels she's made her choice - all of a sudden the choice on HER plate doesn't look as good anymore. People tend to be acquisitive beings - just because we want one thing, sure doesn't mean we REALLY want to give up something else to get it! She might not have been sure she wanted you anymore - but oh boy she knows she doesn't like it when she sees someone else has you either! Pride, jealousy, possessiveness, self esteem; they all take a part in it. Just because she was dating someone else doesn't mean she was ready for the reality of YOU moving on - while it was something you had to deal with as part of the breakup, she's only now seeing that it's something SHE has to deal with. And of course, her pride would LOVE to hear that this new gf doesn't compare to her, etc., whether she really wants you for herself, or can even figure out what she wants. At it's most basic - you're obviously being found attractive by someone new - and have taken on that whole "hot commodity that I tossed aside" gleam. She's seeing you in a different light than when she had you - and probably a much more attractive one. And probably wants to think that if she chose, you'd give her reason to think if she changed her mind, you find her just as attractive, and would dispense with the new girl in favor of her. She's having a rather unpleasant awakening from thinking the grass was greener.

 

I don't think she's intentionally dragging your emotions out as much as her own, rubbing salt in the sting of her new thoughts concerning you. If you're happy with your new gf, do your best to concentrate on that, and not let her drag you through her belated emotional turmoil - you've been through this once already, and you really don't need to get put through it again.

[SadMan]

So what should I do ? I mean, I was with her for 5 years and no matter what she did, what ever wrong she did, I still have feelings for her.

 

It might not be as strong as before but there is still a part of me that still want to try again with her. My month saids NO but my heart saids yes....

 

What can I do If I want to be with her again ? What kind of move should I make ? What can i do to make her want me again ?

 

Is there anyway ? Or I am just imaging the imposible ?

[vfunkera]

hey sadman,

 

i agree totally with what the others have said. Can't add anything on that. As for these new ones-

 

What can I do If I want to be with her again ?

You must keep at what you are doing now. Its obviously bringing her back so if it aint broke dont fix it! The more you are moving on (ie running away) the more she will want you back (ie chasing you faster).

 

What kind of move should I make ?

Same as above. She will make the move. Understand this, the ball is in her court and IN NO WAY must you blame yourself if she doesnt manage to get the courage to ask you back. Its up to her and she will sooner or later. If she stops chasing, don't blame yourself for not taking action at the time. It was up to her, and it just shows that she wasnt really chasing to get back with you- rather to see if you still wanted her.

 

You ask her out again and you will only give her the impression that you are still thinking about her, and thats the reaction shes probably looking for. This will also risk rejection.

 

What can i do to make her want me again ?

Already answered.

 

Additional notes-

 

I mean, I was with her for 5 years and no matter what she did, what ever wrong she did, I still have feelings for her.

 

It might not be as strong as before but there is still a part of me that still want to try again with her. My month saids NO but my heart saids yes....

 

I'll try to come to some conclusion about where your feelings are coming from, although deep down only you will know-

 

Love?

ok you've been together for 5 years. Thats a hell of a long time and loads of people have forgotten that, and that is an enormous factor, especially for her. Was she in love with you? Is she coming back because of love. Shes with another guy, but all she seems to want and is missing is you. They say if you let something go, and it comes back it was love and yours to keep- she is coming back and i will guarentee that she will not be letting you go for a while if you two get back together.

 

Are you in love with her. Would you die for her? They say that love will never die- have you lost some feelings for her. Are they as strong as they used to be? You've got a new girl right? You feel comfertable with her or do you miss what you and your ex had. In this situation i would compare her to the ex.

 

Memories

The more usual suspect that alot of people mistake for love. 5 years is a long time and more then enough for people to get attached to each other with. Do you miss her or the memories of her? What you could of had or what you did have? I thought i was in love, i was convinced. 6 months on and i realise i was only yearning for the little things me and her did. The memories. Also realise that she will be a changed person after this experience. What about her, do you think she is coming back on memories and jealousy that you are with someone new. Look at the way she is conducting her approach with you. She certainly wasnt chasing when you was single.

 

I think your mind says yes but your heart says no, or at least that how it should be acting.

 

You have something new Sadman. She is the past and is probably still living init. The way she seems to be coming back at you does not sound like love, but rather jealousy. This new girl has picked you and probably trying hard to commit herself to you. You will know deep down if it is love or the memories that want her back.

 

Good luck