Lucy__lou Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I'm sad to say I'm falling in love...and it's with someone I'm not compatible with. Does anyone have any experience or wisdom about this kind of thing? ----- Edit: for the first couple of folks who found this post too minimal, I'll elaborate. 1). he makes me miserable. I'm a slap dash kind of person. A kind of stumbling cloud of disorganisation, and he's a nit picky perfectionist. He's annoyed by people who aren't perfect like him. I really don't shine around him. Knowing what he's like makes me less confident, and less colourful than I normally am. I am normally happy but around him I shrink. 2). We're from different class backgrounds. I don't really know his exact class background, but I know he's from a nicer place than what I am. Compared to him, I'm trailer trash. That's discouraging too. so that's all. I'm wondering if I'm wasting my life wanting someone who doesn't really bring out the best in me. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 why do you feel you're not compatible? Link to comment
xXPusHedAsiDeXx Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Need a bit more of an elaboration to give my opinion on this, maybe the saying opposites attract applies here? who knows. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Sometimes we are attracted to people that are not good for us or to people that do not share any of our interests or values....what are you talking about in terms of compatibility? Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Hmmmmmmmmmmm This happens all the time to me. The sad truth is that I actually do "better" with people who aren't like me. Girls like me are annoying...I'd rather not date myself. That's like two cats in a bag (or crabs in a bucket, or scorpions in a jar, or whatever the expression is) Often we are attracted to people dis-similiar to ourselves. I think that's nature and evolution talking. Link to comment
a_lifters_life Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 This is quite an interesting topic ... waiting on more responses. Link to comment
GHdancer Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 One thing you can say about love it is never an easy ride but is you are in love then the person is obviously right for you. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 it sounds like you have an issue with self esteem. There is no reason that you expressed where you would not be compatible. If anything, maybe his good side could rub off on you and make you feel better about yourself Link to comment
pboy Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 opposites attract? what makes you love the person? Link to comment
scared and alone Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 lmao. sounds like me and my boyfriend. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 opposites attract? what makes you love the person? I guess we are quite opposite, only thing is, I think he has a lot to offer me but I don't know if I have much to offer him, or if he is inclined to really appreciate my best qualities. As for why I'm falling in love with him... - He's friendly to everyone - He sees the good in everyone - He is giving. He always thinks of others. - He's perceptive. He picks up on stuff other men wouldn't. - He's not macho. - He's cute, but not at all conceited about it. - He's smart. i.e. he's socially in tune, and he's also really good at achieving whatever he sets his mind to. I guess he's well organised, and a good problem solver, and also a hard worker, which goes back again to his lack of arrogance, that he realises you have to work hard to get results in life. - He's balanced. He's both career driven, and very sociable, all again, in a humble kind of way. It's all about giving for him. anyone feel sick yet? I'll stop. as for me and what I have to offer him? I guess I'm more interesting than him. I'm more colourful, funny, charming weirder, but I don't know if that stuff has enough value to him for him to give me a chance. So I feel small around him, and it means he brings out the worst in me. - - Link to comment
summerpeach Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 . So I feel small around him, and it means he brings out the worst in me. - - incorrect, you bring out the worst in you. No one has that power over you Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 . - He's friendly to everyone - He sees the good in everyone - He is giving. He always thinks of others. - He's perceptive. He picks up on stuff other men wouldn't. - He's not macho. - He's cute, but not at all conceited about it. - He's smart. i.e. he's socially in tune, and he's also really good at achieving whatever he sets his mind to. I guess he's well organised, and a good problem solver, and also a hard worker, which goes back again to his lack of arrogance, that he realises you have to work hard to get results in life. - He's balanced. He's both career driven, and very sociable, all again, in a humble kind of way. It's all about giving for him. - Does he have, like, a sister or something 'cause.... Link to comment
wtm78 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 i think you need to know how wonderful you are... how unique you have been created... and being different does not make you inferior... you dont need him to make you feel good to feel good about yourself... you need to be comfortable with yourself.. love yourself.. love your strengths.. love your weaknesses... accept yourself the way you are even if you are not perfect... he is just as imperfect as you are... no one is perfect... dont put him on the pedestal... you deserve the best in life.. and you got him... that is why you are worth it... Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted August 2, 2008 Author Share Posted August 2, 2008 i think you need to know how wonderful you are... how unique you have been created... and being different does not make you inferior... you dont need him to make you feel good to feel good about yourself... you need to be comfortable with yourself.. love yourself.. love your strengths.. love your weaknesses... accept yourself the way you are even if you are not perfect... he is just as imperfect as you are... no one is perfect... dont put him on the pedestal... you deserve the best in life.. and you got him... that is why you are worth it... Thanks wtm, those are good words. I thought I was stronger than this. I know that I'm susceptible to beating myself up whenever I meet someone I think is amazing. I thought I was past it, but here it is again. It's really unhealthy, I know. I'm just wobbling a bit and temporarily doubting myself because he's making me feel so much love for him, and it's sort of like the floor has been removed from under my feet and I'm panicking a little bit. Thanks Link to comment
wtm78 Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 be strong... because you are strong.. Link to comment
username1607307862 Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 most people iv fallen for have not been compatible AT ALL. but i dont want someone just like me cuz that'd be boring. go for it! Link to comment
guitars Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 We usually (consciously or subconsciously) fall in love with people who are supposed to teach us something or who reflect some disowned part of ourselves. The trick is to learn from them without becoming codependent and falling into the trap of leaning on them to "complete" us. You can love this guy - you clearly have something to learn from his confidence, good nature and high self-esteem. Link to comment
j.man Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 My ex and I were pretty much opposites. I come from a poorer background, she comes from a more privileged one. I'm more politically conservative, she's extremely liberal ( or was when I met her ) I'm loud, often obnoxious. I listen to 80's Movie themes and sing along. She's reserved and sits back listening to Indy. I'm very "eh" about other peoples' lives and cultures. She's very involved in trying to understand them. I'm a health nut compared to her. I'm energetic and love to go out to do things, she'd rather spend most her time hanging out. Her and I were and are very different people. However, we lived with eachother for six months almost literally spending every minute with eachother with no desire for space. We truly made eachother the happiest we'd ever been when we were with eachother. If you're with someone and their differences frustrate you, you probably don't love them. It's when you want to be a part of what's different, want to grow into them, that you know there's something special. We both discovered blends of our interests and even new mutual interests to compliment our differences and keep things interesting. There was never a dull moment between us. In the end, we split because of my irresponsibility, not clashing personalities. How different we were yet how much we loved eachother is what keeps me hoping for us, it's how I tell myself that if I fix my issues of independence, we can give it another reasonable and optimistic shot. I would say it's a very beautiful thing if you can find someone you genuinely love who you know isn't like you, nor will ever be. They will keep your life interesting, and keep you growing. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Thank you J Man, It was great to read your experience. The more people say these things about difference being an attractor just confirms why I'm falling for this boy. Now I've just got to find a way to see if I don't have something to offer him too. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Lucy, you sound infatuated, not in love. That doesn't sound like love at all. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Lucy, you sound infatuated, not in love. That doesn't sound like love at all. Really? I guess I wouldn't know... Does infatuation often precede love? Do you think this could be the early stages of something more? Link to comment
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