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That is horrible...or maybe OK


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Me and my boyfriend (ok..ex...) split up two weeks ago. He kind of initiated it but I had been thinking about it for a while. It is obvious I need to be single and sort my depression and anxiety out without the pressure of an intense relationship. (Plus i find it hard being independent in a relaitonship). And I've been making lots of efforts since I am single but obviously it's going to take a very long time for me to be stable so I need to work on myself, for myself and not for him, continuously and maintain a stable state. It'll take time. In the meantime, we always say we'll go NC but we keep on contacting each other and even if its nice at the beginning, one of us always ends up upset.

 

 

I can't bear the idea of never getting back with him even if I've been doing lots of things for myself. He is very depressed by the breakup. He says the only way we can do things is to do NC for good, no online profiles, nothing, or else he imagines the worst when i tell him about my parties or holidays (me getting with someone else) or put up pics online. He says we will meet again in 2 months (it isnt a random date...we'll have new jobs, studies, houses, we'll be much more stable in our lives by then) and take it slowly from there, when I am stable and well and he sorts his own life out as well (the next two months will be hard for him professionally). He repeats that if I didn't have these problems, he would have never left and I am still his ideal woman, he just needs to let me go for a bit so I can grow.

 

 

He believes we WILL get back together because we do still love each other and want to be with each other so bad. But I need to be single. And in the meantime.....we have to do NC or it brings us down. But Im so afraid he'll fall out of love with me after 2 months NC, or we'll become strangers. Is 2 months that long? Not soo long is it...A friend of mine dumped his gf and did NC for 2 months, 2 months of being depressed and still in love and they back together. They split up again,its been 3 months and he still thinks about her even if his life is doing great. I'm scared I'll still be in love with him but he won't.

 

 

 

 

I don't know if what he says is great news or horrible ones! I know I shouldn't think about it as unfinished but how can I not look forward to being with him again when he says all this stuff.

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If you both love each other then two months apart with no contact will not mean the end for the two of you. I agree that you need time alone to sort yourself out...whether or not two months is long enough for you to completely fix what you need to fix is entirely up to you. You can spend the two months moping about things or you can spend the two months really getting your act together. However, even if you do get back together after two months, the positive changes you make have to be permanent, not just temporary until you are once again back together.

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I just broke it off with the love of my life .....2 months ago .......and I would love to go back and be with her under different conditions ......but I just can't right now....I also fear she has moved on ....the weekends are the hardest .......I just know she went back out there agian ....and she is very attractive and any man would totally fall in love with her ...........but a part of me trys not to worry....but I do .......I do not think we will ever get back.....I think she has convinced herself to fall out of love with me and to move on ........love will find a way back or it won't ........worry does nothing but stress you out ......I miss her and we have had no contact......well a little right after the break ....and she was really mad and hurt.......she still to this day does not really know what it did to me ...........all you can do is have faith........sounds like this guy will want you back though if you ask me ......

 

Good Luck ....I'm in your corner

 

Kuhl

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If you both love each other then two months apart with no contact will not mean the end for the two of you. I agree that you need time alone to sort yourself out...whether or not two months is long enough for you to completely fix what you need to fix is entirely up to you. You can spend the two months moping about things or you can spend the two months really getting your act together. However, even if you do get back together after two months, the positive changes you make have to be permanent, not just temporary until you are once again back together.

 

Very true...I don't have the choice about the breakup so I have to accept it...but I have the choice to control myself and choose what to make of the next few months.

 

 

I wish I didn't feel that pressure to get well super-fast...

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Sorry about this..does she know how you feel?thans for the suppot.

 

We split up in the past and he came back to me. It was the hardest thing for me to take him back but i dont regret. Now its more serious and I think its unbelievably hard to fall out of love when you just don't want to let go of certain feelings, but it will eventually happen...Why did you split up with her?

 

im also very scared my ex will move on but at the same time, i am taking steps towards moving on and hopefully i'll get to a stage where I still love who he is and who we are together, without feeling like I desperately need him back. I am unable to be with him now, and maybe, we'll see, I will be able to be with him once Im stable...

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