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My busy BF ignores me during the week! :mad:


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My boyfriend just started medical school and his behavior has been strange. Before he started, we discussed how much things would change because he is a very dedicated student and very ambitious and wants to do well. I want this too. I've told him too that I want his priority to be SCHOOL, not me.


We are generally together all weekend long and practically joined at the hip. It's never "too much", we truly mutually enjoy every minute we spend together. We say how lucky we are to be together and are sad when the weekend ends. He says "see you ... when I see you, I guess".


This is the 2nd week of school, but he does a 180 on me during the week! It's so strange. It feels so distant, like another person. I feel so neglected or as though he is going to break up with me at any moment. This can't be true, because we get along great and have a lot of fun, but these feelings of insecurity keep creeping in during the week! Of course I pretend that the "distance" during the week is perfectly fine because I'm so busy too and dont want to be the needy girlfriend.


Is this just because he is so studious and had started school and wants to focus and devote all of his attention to school? Perhaps the school has scared him into thinking he needs to study 24/7? I am going crazy here! I don't want to overwhelm him or ask questions since he was clear that he wanted to focus on school. I just need assurance that there's nothing wrong. Am I overreacting or overly insecure?

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med school is crazy intense. i'm surprised he has that much time for you on the weekends. there's a lot of homework, a lot to learn, and intense competition in med school. since he is with you on the weekends, i'm assuming that he's not blowing you off. just be there for him.

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Am I overreacting or overly insecure?


Overreacting, YES. Insecure, maybe.


It's med school. It's really, really, really freaking hard. And intense. And exhausting. Oh, and never mind the fact that your boyfriend is learning a trade in which people's LIVES will rest in his skilled hands.


Dude, it's only the second week! You've got YEARS of this to look forward to. And then there's internships and residencies and things don't get much better once he gets his license and becomes a doctor.


Really, if he's already an intense and dedicated student, you've got to back off. Don't make this period of his life harder on him than it's already going to be.


EDITED: Went and quickly looked at some of your other threads... yes, I do think that you need to chill it a little bit. It sounds like your boyfriend more or less told you that you're smothering him. Freaking out about the fact that he's in med school and can no longer spend 7 days per week with you is not going to help this relationship, considering you've only been dating 2 months.


Good luck!

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I guess I am overreacting, But I've told him before that I don't need to spend every waking moment with him and understand he is busy. BUT I want to feel like I would be a priority if I COULD be and I am still important to him. Meaning, he could tell me at least that he is thinking about me, or texts "good morning" or "hi" or something, like he used to. It's gotten to the point that during the week, he calls me by my first name when he NEVER used to...even on the weekends it is "babe" "honey" "sweetness" or something along those lines. It just feels like he is not only physically apart from me during the week, but emotionally too. That feeling is hard to deal with.

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i think he's probably genuinely busy, studying, etc.... and yes, things will get crazier. if you think this is bad, it gets worse. this is just the second week of school. and when he starts his residency, man. when my brother did his residency, he sometimes had to stay awake for 36 hours straight. i think you might just need to learn how to deal with him being that busy. you may want to take up another hobby or something. med school requires a lot of time, it's very competitive, and he has a lot he needs to memorize/learn.

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I'm gonna take the opposite side here...


Similarly my last BF was pre-med at a top 20 uni, earning a 4.0. He went nuts, it consumed him, he REALLY changed. I was saying all the same things as you, it's actually terrifyingly similar reading your post...


You have to find a relationship that suits YOU. Maybe you are looking for different things. So far it has been my experience that if a person wants you in their life, and really wants to spend time with you, they make it happen. Even if it's you WATCHING him study for God's sake. It's just that I've been here, and the buck won't stop here. I just have a hard time believing someone can be totally vacant allllll week... for me, when my BF and I were finally discussing breaking up, he admitted to me that he was not nearly as busy as he had claimed, and could have made time, had he not been "freaked out about the future".


Your situation may be different, but mine taught me to never settle for this kind of thing.

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He just broke up with me...

Said it was too serious, too fast. He wasn't ready for such a serious relationship at this time in his life. So I guess my intuition was right. We have such an amazing time together but I think that that scared him. And he ran. I have a tendency to be overly motherly. I need to learn from my mistakes and not put my boyfriends first, at least at the beginning of a relationship. I feel like I've screwed yet another relationship up. But I need to be strong about this and I've told him that I don't want to be with him if he didnt want to be with me and not to worry because I wont beg for him back. He said he kept double thinking whether this was right. But I think he just needed to feel like he had his own life back. I will give him his space and No Contact. We'll see each other Thursday to exchange things. We'll see how that goes. No crying, I will be strong about this. I think thats the most attractive thing in a breakup, to take it and respect yourself and if it was meant to be, they'll be back.

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Not long, 2 months. But in those 2 months we pretty much saw each other every day, met all of each other's friends and entire families, so yes it was pretty intense.


The same thing happened to my friend, whose boyfriend broke up with her over the phone. Things were GREAT and he had so many things going on in his life, so he decided to cut her out. 3 months later realized he couldnt live without her and now they are married with a baby. Funny how things work out.


I keep telling myself I just need to be strong about this. I managed before him and I can manage now.

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i'm sorry. i know how these things go. well, at least it is over sooner rather than later, and yes, he may come back realizing he made a mistake. however, you can't count on it. he's probably really stressed, hearing all the stories of how intense med school is, he can probably barely breathe. anyways, i'd lay low, focus on yourself, your hobbies, your life before him, etc.... and if he wants to find you, he knows your number. hugs.

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