thefustrateddude Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Which of the following is worse? And by what factor? Reading/Spying on your Significant Other's email's and personal notes once, thus breaking the trust they had in you. Keeping in touch with consistent emails and phone calls with your ex in secret the whole time behind your back for more than 1.5 years (even if it was to talk to them as a friend but the ex is still trying to pursue you romantically every time with love letters, romantic letters etc... while both bi-directionally hinting of missing each other, allowing the ex to guilt trip you every time). thus breaking the respect and honesty you had towards your Significant other by doing so. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 They are both bad. Both sneaky, both disrespectful. Basically no matter how you look at it, it's a trust less relationship. Link to comment
morgane Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 oh wait i'm sorry i was thinking about the dog of the comment above me, but to say about your situation, yes they are very naughty behaviors and should stop if you respect your significant other. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Keeping in touch with consistent emails and phone calls with your ex in secret the whole time behind your back for more than 1.5 years (even if it was to talk to them as a friend but the ex is still trying to pursue you romantically every time with love letters, romantic letters etc... while both bi-directionally hinting of missing each other, allowing the ex to guilt trip you every time). thus breaking the respect and honesty you had towards your Significant other by doing so. i think this is worse. if the SO snooped because they had a suspicion that something was amiss and they found that their bf or gf were corresponding with the ex and having these semi-flirtatious talks, i'd be pretty upset. i think that snooping is justified when you have good reason to suspect they are up to no good. i don't condone snooping just because you are bored though.... Link to comment
h0pelessr0mantic Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I would definitely say the second one is MUCH WORSE. Personally I see no problem with reading ur significant others e-mails, if u have nothing to hide then u should have no problem with it. The second one is definitely much worse. Link to comment
thefustrateddude Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Out of the two, I am guilty of the first, reading my girlfriend's email. I did that because I did have a feeling, kind of a gut instinct about it... and I found more than enough evidence. Why had I put up with all this bull * * * * for so long, the feeling of betrayal is a * * * * ty one. Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 The second one is worse because it goes on behind someone's back for 1.5 years, plus it involves another person. The first one is a one-time event and though it's not right, it's more easily forgivable. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Out of the two, I am guilty of the first, reading my girlfriend's email. I did that because I did have a feeling, kind of a gut instinct about it... and I found more than enough evidence. Why had I put up with all this bull * * * * for so long, the feeling of betrayal is a * * * * ty one. they often say that by the time you suspect something, they have already been cheating for at least a month. Link to comment
cavem4n Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Dude, I am there with you. It sucks to think that the person you have sworn your life for doesn't care enough about you to be straight up. Would it help to have her tell you the truth? Link to comment
thefustrateddude Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Dude, I am there with you. It sucks to think that the person you have sworn your life for doesn't care enough about you to be straight up. Would it help to have her tell you the truth? I don't know, I wonder what would change. I know what I need to do is to break it off with her, tell her to not speak with me ever again, and then box up everything we had together, pictures, and dump it all out. Easy said, after 1.5 years.. this is gonna be * * * * hard. I think I have something to do tonight. Link to comment
thefustrateddude Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 The phrase nice guys finish last, thats just bull * * * * . This is the third time something of this sort has happened (the previous two being a lot less serious though). For once, why arn't there any honest, truthful, caring, and interesting, and drama free woman out there.. I think I have lost all faith in anyone from now on. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 For once, why arn't there any honest, truthful, caring, and interesting, and drama free woman out there.. I think I have lost all faith in anyone from now on. i am! (or at least, in my own opinion i am!) you just have to keep looking. Link to comment
thefustrateddude Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 i am! (or at least, in my own opinion i am!) you just have to keep looking. Any possibility of making a few clones of your self? The world needs more Link to comment
Rabican Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 snooping and finding something = not nearly as bad as the offending partner doing something wrong for you to find in the first place. If you snoop for no good reason, or snoop and find nothing (thereforee your fears are unfounded) that is really bad. But your boyfriends vilation of trust with te ex is far far far far worse than snooping. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Second one is worse in my opinion. I see nothing wrong in checking a partners mobile phone or email addys and especially if you have reason to suspect, they may be cheating.... However, it's not something I did....else I would've learnt about my ex H's affair, long before I did and via the filthy texts he would receive from his OW on his mobile... What I have read online...a lot of people say, that it is improper to spy on a partner and check their personal things....yet these very same people see nothing wrong, in installing *keyloggers* on their computers, to check on their partner....err isn't that an invasion of privacy too?? A partner who has nothing to hide, won't mind that you check his personal things. I sure wouldn't mind a partner checking my email addys, phone, etc....I got nothing to hide! Link to comment
goingmad Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Does anyone consider, if you suspect something is wrong, that maybe just speaking with your partner and saying "I'm really uncomfortable with my suspicions - could you help me put my fears to rest by letting me see your emails?" I know that wouldn't work for alot of folks, but it would get the message out that 1) I am suspicious 2) I am honest. My husband broke into my email because he was paranoid, and he found two emails from an old friend that convinced him that I was having an emotional affair. It was a friendship - nothing more. He read way more into those messages than anyone could imagine. If he had asked me, I would have shown him my emails. Now I don't trust him one bit - and haven't since he dropped the bomb that he broke into my account. It's been 7 years and I still think he's a smuck for doing it. Link to comment
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