Does reading ENA too much not help us move on?

[HoTung]

I was wondering if anyone feels that coming onto this site too much doens;tr actually help us move on.

 

ENA is truly a great site and you realise you are not the only one in this position however sometimes i feel great when i log in but after reading all the threads, i feel sad and depressed and miss my ex.

 

Its very strange as this site is mean to help us move on. But sometimes i feel its a place for dumpees to pour out their heart about how much they miss their ex and the advice we get in return is NO CONTACT (which is prob the best way forward)

 

I am not putting ENA down as i love chatting to everyone but was wondering if anyone feels that ENA is actually holding them back in the healing process.

 

We all come on here before we are going through a break up of some sort.

 

Do you think the people who have success in getting over their relationships are the ones who don;t log on?

[ghostgirl116]

i have found that i will come here for a while, and then need to stay off for a few days. sometimes its good for me not to focus on that aspect of my life for a while.

[ImThatGirl]

I don't think that logging onto ENA = not healing per se.

 

However, just like all situations in life. Sometimes, some of us need a chance to maybe withdrawal or take time to ourself to feel better.

 

When my ex and I split, I came here first. I also talked to many of my friends about how hurt I was - how I couldn't see a future so clearly because I had planned it with him.

 

It became a habit. Kind of like going back to that favorite spot by the lake that you always enjoyed with your ex. I needed to step away and take time to absorb the newness and find my path with getting through this all. ENA is a wonderful place to come when you need the support from others. It's also a great place to visit during your healing and after. But just take a break for awhile if you need to - time to recreate and restructure....

[Lady Bugg]

I do think obsessing about a breakup by looking for posts geared toward reconciliation

or people who have gotten back together DOES keep you stuck. Youa re looking for that ONE story that will give you hope..even if a hundred haven't worked out.

 

What has helped ME in the past has been to NOT focus on my own issues...but rather

to help OTHER people with theirs. As long as you are using the site as a tool

to move on and not a crutch to stay stuck, then it is helpful.

 

Another thing is...some posters come looking for advice but do not want to accept

advice they DON'T want to hear...so they keep themselves stuck in a miserable cycle.

For those posters, they probably need a little more something than a forum to help them

get past their breakup.

[SchecterGuy]

I've thought about this too. It seems like a medium for people to get advice and hopefully get their head on straight. At the same time there are a lot of depressing stories that may make you dwell on your problems. Like my worry is I will not find someone after my breakup. Reading a lot of threads about people that have never been in a relationship or haven't been in one for ridiculously long times just makes me more depsressed. This kind of prevents me from moving on. At the same time I can vent absolutely whenever I want and get things off of my chest and people will listen. That is good.

 

I am personally hooked on ENA. There are some interesting conversations. And I have actually met a few cool people. Unfortunately they all live in the UK and is kind of a pain to talk to with the time difference. To me its like alcohol... The cause and solution to all of life's problems.

 

And as for me, I think this site has helped me get through a lot so when I am all better and things are going good for me I will continue to post here and hopefully help others.

[dqueen]

Yes, I feel this way sometimes. When the enotalone website comes up, it's like all I see is my ex's face...his name...his everything and the entire time I'm surfing enotalone, he is "there" in my head and my surfing habits are reeled towards finding some answers about the relationship I had with him, etc.

 

Don't get me wrong. I LOOOOVE Enotalone...I have received such amazing and helpful advice here and will always be grateful for that. The one thing I do which helps me is taking breaks from this site. You'll notice that I disappear for a month or so, then return again after a while. This is now the second or third time I have "returned".

 

Also, I do think that some people for whom this site has served their purpose move on and don't log on to the site again. Only a handful stick around to pick up others when they're down.

[Weeblie]

Do you think the people who have success in getting over their relationships are the ones who don;t log on?

 

Sometimes it seems that way. Can't really know since they don't log on though.

 

Anyway. I think that in general ENA is amazing. There's a couple of threads and posts that I've bookmarked to read on a bad day that automatically cheer me up and give me hope.

 

But, I'm not going to lie. Sometimes there's an amazing amount of negativity oozing out of here, which is expected since a lot of people who come here aren't exactly happy. I know for me, it's kind of hard to come here for advice that's personal.

[yankeefan74]

I've found that offering words of encouragement...just being one more person that is here to support others if they need it helps distract me from my own breakup for a while.

 

I haven't searched for threads about reconciliation because I think that while people do break up and get back together, the only time i've ever seen it work is when the people involved have had time apart, and just start fresh again at a later time. And usually, there's no plan to get back together, one person just reaches out to the other for whatever reason, and you find you still have the same things in common, but some important things have changed.

[dqueen]

Sometimes it seems that way. Can't really know since they don't log on though.

 

Anyway. I think that in general ENA is amazing. There's a couple of threads and posts that I've bookmarked to read on a bad day that automatically cheer me up and give me hope.

 

But, I'm not going to lie. Sometimes there's an amazing amount of negativity oozing out of here, which is expected since a lot of people who come here aren't exactly happy. I know for me, it's kind of hard to come here for advice that's personal.

 

OMG!! Your avatar made me laugh so hard. "Receive bacon"! I will die laughing if I ever see those hand dryers again and bacon doesn't come out. I sure needed that laugh.image removed

 

Which reminds me that this forum also has an "Off Topic" section where you can go to chill out, relax and escape from the serious stuff on this forum when you're feeling overwhelmed. There's lot of fun games to play there!

[Karmageddon]

For me listening to the experiences of others has really helped me out immensly. Plus, I don't want to keep whining about my break up to my friends, so i know I can vent here which really helps me to let it go.

 

In addition, I really like to be of help to others, so helping someone else, really helps me take the focus off my own stupid whining.

[Lionel Hutz]

I can see how some may feel this way. But at the same time there are so many threads and forums not related to healing, reconciliation, cheating, etc. After one has come here to spill it all out we naturally befriend a few people here. It really truly depends on the person also. Do they come here to truly heal, to vent, or to be felt sorry for? It can be a mix of those all or just one motive. I came looking for answers. It truly helped and I got what I wanted. Now I come to discuss other frustrations, fascinations, and general hodge podge if you will. You can read the threads of those who want to pine over there situation and just feel bad 99.9% of the time, they usually get ignored since people can only give advice so many times, and after a while its rather repetitive. Those who tend to not get what advice they want wont log in anymore. Some take the advice heal, and dont log in anymore, while others take the advice heal, and make buddies in other forums.

[browneyedgirl36]

I do think obsessing about a breakup by looking for posts geared toward reconciliation

or people who have gotten back together DOES keep you stuck. Youa re looking for that ONE story that will give you hope..even if a hundred haven't worked out.

 

What has helped ME in the past has been to NOT focus on my own issues...but rather

to help OTHER people with theirs. As long as you are using the site as a tool

to move on and not a crutch to stay stuck, then it is helpful.

 

Another thing is...some posters come looking for advice but do not want to accept

advice they DON'T want to hear...so they keep themselves stuck in a miserable cycle.

For those posters, they probably need a little more something than a forum to help them

get past their breakup.

 

I agree with this. I feel good about being able to help others; it helps ease some of my own pain to reach out to others who need help.

 

I admit that sometimes I get depressed reading posts, particularly those from people who keep trying to reconcile or keep holding out for reconciliation and trying different "strategies" to get an ex back. While it's true that lasting reconciliations DO happen, I think that they are the exception, and not the rule. For the most part, people break up for good reasons and would really be better off with others. I guess it depresses me because I feel their pain -- I've been there -- and I'm trying so hard to move on that seeing people agonizing over whether or not their exes will come back to them sets me back some days. I also feel sad when I read about people who reconcile only to break up again -- and sometimes AGAIN -- and they keep giving the relationship a chance when it is clearly NOT going anywhere (particularly if the ex was abusive to them, addicted to drugs/alcohol, etc.) All I can say is, now I understand my mom's frustration over the years when I've wallowed in my misery about various guys! She tried to help me, and I wouldn't listen.

 

I love this site, though, because it's well-moderated, the people are, for the most part, wonderful, AND where else can you get such an awesome off-topic forum with scintillating topics such as "Maggots in the Meat Gravy," and "Does your belly-button smell?" as well as threads about TV shows, ridiculous fashions (like my thread about the mullet awhile back), 'Seinfeld' quotes, etc. Great stuff!

[renaissancewoman101]

I've moved on from my ex, and I hang around ENA mostly just to give advice and chat with people, although most of the people I was friends with, have left, and that is kinda sad.

 

I also do have other problems and since I don't have many friends in real life, I post on here to get advice. I also give advice to others too.

 

And it is interesting to read about other relationships, breakups, etc., gives me info about the variety of breakups that can happen to oneself.

[Blue Streak]

ENA is going to effect everyone differently. Its a great place to request and provide advice, direction, guidance, and kill time. At the same time, it should never serve as a crutch you know?

[renaissancewoman101]

This is a great place to kill time when I'm bored at work.

[HoTung]

yeah i find myself logging in esp during the day when i am bored at work.

 

I sometimes wonder if the poeple that do reconcile with their ex's are the one who are not on this site and not doing NC.

[exploding head]

Ive noticed that posting here has become sort of a daily affirmation. I suppose it makes me feel as though im accomplishing a fair bit after all Ive been throguh in the last month.

[xRoh]

Ah I'm loving this place right now! Most people are very supportive and offer great advice, not just on relationships and getting over an ex, but in general.

 

I have to admit, I did first come here because of my break up, but I also browse the other forums on this site.

[hisoldflame]

i just started here and am flat-out addicted. expressing myself and hearing from others 'holds the mirror up' so to speak, and gives me strength and clarity. on some level, it gives me affirmation that i did the right thing. also, hearing people express the very same emotions i have and am currently going through validates that my feelings are normal, and that i'm not alone!

 

i actually didn't perceive it as a playground for dumpees, but then again, i was the dumper, so maybe was focused on that type of information.

 

one of the things i'm trying to do is create healthier relationships down the road, and i hope this site will help me in that pursuit.

 

maybe try focusing on topic areas that can help you deal with the end of the relationship, rather than the ones that give you false hope.

 

 

btw, i hope i haven't been too whiney in my posts. i hate a pity-party as much as the next person, but sometimes feeling a little sorry for yourself at first [ok, so it's been a year!] helps you move on in the long run.

[SchecterGuy]

Yeah I gave up the pity party once she said she was never coming back. Now I try to make threads that are more health related or kind of look at the happier side of breaking up. Although I may rant in other's threads. I also have become addicted to giving advice. Hopefully I can help someone through experience.

[HoTung]

yeah i think ENA is my new addiction

 

soemtimes i feel great, log in, and then wallow in self pity

 

but today will take a new approach and be positive

 

stuff the ex - if he doesn;t want me - i don;t want him

[Godwin]

yeah i think ENA is my new addiction

 

soemtimes i feel great, log in, and then wallow in self pity

 

but today will take a new approach and be positive

 

stuff the ex - if he doesn;t want me - i don;t want him

 

Yippee, progress at last!

[maka56]

Not me it helped me move on, it made me realise that it happens to a lot of people not just me, it makes me positive when I read posts on here, I can understand relasionships more.

[so-so-sad]

I dont think I would have coped at all in the last few weeks if it wasn't for the support that I found in ENA.

 

Breaking up can leave you very much alone. I became very isolated from others in my last relationship - so ENA is helping me to reach out.

 

I have read lots of sound advice and instead of clinging to my ex I am going to look after myself, work through my issues, heal and grow.

 

I am already looking at joining two new social groups next week!

 

It sounds heavy, but I dont think I would be doing all this without the help I have got from ENA. It has helped me to get a balanced perspective.

 

Before finding ENA I was near to throwing myself on the floor at my Ex's feet and begging his mercy to take me back!

 

So thanks thanks thanks to Everyone x

[Mustang]

I think it can be a "bad" thing in that it keeps us thinking and talking about our ex on a more constant basis.

 

A few months ago, I was here for 18 hours a day and I was at my worst emotional period. I do think reading other people's stories and reading loads of stuff about how to get back with an ex can give us false hope.

 

It's a fine line. Life doesn't stop when an ex walks away but at the same time this site has been a blessing for a lot of us.

 

I do think however that sooner or later, we naturally just move on and we visit here less and less. Almost as if our brain says: "You know what? She/he isn't worth all this."