suzie q Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 well... i decided last week to start allowing myself to meet new people and see what else is out there. i was thinking that even if i'm not ready for a serious relationship right now, it'd still be nice to explore the options. plus, it would be a good way for me to keep my mind off my ex. but, i have been talking to a few guys, just to get to know them--and it seems like i lose interest really fast and i feel like i am trying to make myself be interested. i mean, the guys are nice, but they just aren't my ex. i also found out that my ex's ex gf heard that he broke up with me because he told me that he wasn't sure if he was over her. apparently, she got really mad at him and told him she was happily married and that he was just her best friend and someone she's known for a long time and that would never happen and now some girl hates her because of him. blah blah blah. i also heard that he told his sister that she's different than she used to be, i guess meaning that he decided he didn't have feelings for her afterall... this is seemingly good news, however, it makes me hopeful. which is stupid. i mean, i know without a doubt that he will realize he's made a huge mistake by breaking up with me, but i also know that even if we did end up getting back together, it wouldn't be any time soon. it shouldn't be any time soon. i mean, if he needed time to sort out his feelings, a month isn't going to do it. i don't know. plus, he told me that he didn't feel the same about me, and when he told me that i felt like he was just embarrassed that he had feelings for a married woman--because that's the original reason he gave me when we broke up. i guess i can't tell the future, but i wish i didn't have this stupid feeling of hope right now. i really can't handle it and i don't know how to get rid of it. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Well, I guess it just depends on you and how long you have been split up. I am going through exactly the same thing. No one really interests me at all. I thought I would set up an internet thing & that maybe that would help me see who is out there. It just backfired and made it worse. Apparently the only people interested in me are 15 yrs my senior...im almost 40 anyway, I deleted it this morning. I felt weird about it the whole time as it didn't really seem like me. So, I guess I will know when Im ready. I felt like I was forcing it too, but I'm obviously not ready now, so I just need to find something else to occupy my time til I am. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Only you will know when your ready. Link to comment
wishiknew Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 suzie, I find that I have the same problem as you do. I can be out with new people, great people but I just tend to lose interest and my thoughts drift back to my ex. It's tough because we both want to be out there to get our mind off of things, but our mind and hearts always seem to wander back. Link to comment
suzie q Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 yeah, karmageddon... i started online dating, too, with the encouragement of a bunch of people. it's not me at all. i am just annoyed with the guys on there and i'm bored. i'm not sure that i'll keep it, either. i like talking to new people, but i guess i'm just not as open to it becoming romantic as i thought. Link to comment
suzie q Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 wishiknew--i guess if we have to ask if we're ready, we probably aren't. i just really hate the idea of just sitting around waiting for something to happen, but it just isn't natural for me to go out and find something. i don't know if that made sense, but i am just not the kind of person who has ever looked for a guy, it just happens. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 yeah, karmageddon... i started online dating, too, with the encouragement of a bunch of people. it's not me at all. i am just annoyed with the guys on there and i'm bored. i'm not sure that i'll keep it, either. i like talking to new people, but i guess i'm just not as open to it becoming romantic as i thought. Yeah, I took that advice from a friend/s as well. I work with all the same people day after day, so meeting someone new is not an option here! Besides I would never date someone I work with anyway. It seemed like a good idea on paper, but in reality I know that it must be me. That coupled with the fact that I don't like rejecting people or making them feel bad at all....and I am just NOT interested in the people approaching me...and the people I approaced are not interested in ME! LOL!! So..meh. I let it go & I feel better about it. Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Apparently the only people interested in me are 15 yrs my senior...im almost 40 Shoot, there's some 54 year old women I'd date!! Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Shoot, there's some 54 year old women I'd date!! LOL!! You go for it Mutley! Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Actually, she's 52. (I just checked) ...and...um...married. Link to comment
wishiknew Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 wishiknew--i guess if we have to ask if we're ready, we probably aren't. i just really hate the idea of just sitting around waiting for something to happen, but it just isn't natural for me to go out and find something. i don't know if that made sense, but i am just not the kind of person who has ever looked for a guy, it just happens. That makes perfect sense and I know exactly how you feel because i'm in exactly the same situation as you. I've never had a successful relationship when I was actively looking for one, all of them just sort of happened upon me. Right now I think I'm just trying to expand my circle of friends and not force or expect anything to happen. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I agree, I have never been one to go out and look for one either. Usually it has happened through a variety of different ways, but, on the flip side of that doing it the way I have doesn't seem to be working either. Which prompted me to try something new. And mutley, what are you doing looking at 52 y/o married women anyway!??? Was she on a dating site??? Link to comment
Panda2008 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 i started online dating, too, with the encouragement of a bunch of people. it's not me at all. i am just annoyed with the guys on there and i'm bored. i'm not sure that i'll keep it, either. i like talking to new people, but i guess i'm just not as open to it becoming romantic as i thought. I did the same thing, getting online, trying to jump right back in again - all the guys on there were not my cup of tea, and it all felt a bit forced. I thought I'm just not ready to meet anyone new, that it's too soon to feel any chemistry. ...Until I went out at the weekend and bumped into a guy I'd met once before and had got on really well with - he admitted he was attracted to me and I am to him - although he is dating someone at the moment so nothing will happen, it was good to know that part of me hasn't actually died! It will come along when the time is right I guess. I'd say best to get out more, have fun and see what happens... Link to comment
yankeefan74 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 It's natural to want a distraction...and also, the fear of being alone doesn't help...I can say that i'm about 3 weeks into my breakup, and there is a huge part of me that would like to meet someone new. But i also know that there's no way i'd have the energy for a new relationship right now. And i don't ever think it's a good idea to get involved with someone new if the pain over a breakup is still fresh. It won't end well. I'm not opposed to meeting people...but frankly, every face I see is being compared to my ex...and if I'm still hurting, it's just way too soon. Another person shouldn't be a distraction from the pain. That's why rebounds don't usually work in the first place - people don't want to confront the pain, and allow themselves to go through that - so they jump into something with another person. It's just too messy. That's my opinion anyway. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I tend to have a lot of time elapse between my relationships, and I haven't had that many. Mainly because I have a hard time letting go and moving on, so I tend to fixate on the ex. I have tried to date as a way to forget the past, but it doesn't work. I don't seem to meet guys when I try to do that. Right now I hope to meet someone soon and have been doing more things as a way to maybe meet someone. It's been too long since I've had a relationship, and I want to feel happy and loved again. Link to comment
suzie q Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 i understand what all of you guys are saying and i'm glad its normal. i don't so much want to be in a relationship as much as i just don't want to think about him anymore. i'm just tired of being upset and wanting it to work out with us. Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 And mutley, what are you doing looking at 52 y/o married women anyway!??? Was she on a dating site??? HA!!! No, I'm only fooling around. She's a co-worker that I secretly have a crush on. I don't think I'm THAT messed up to date a married woman....or even a co-worker. ps the thought of getting on dating sites again makes me cringe. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 ps the thought of getting on dating sites again makes me cringe. LOL!! Good! Crazy MUTT! I did hop on b/c I was tired of moping around, but I cancelled it yesterday. There has to be some initial attraction there for me, & there just wasn't with any of the people who contacted me & the 3 I liked, weren't interested...sooo there ya go! LOL!! I was thinking that perhaps I am to superficial as of late. Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 LOL!! Good! Crazy MUTT! I did hop on b/c I was tired of moping around, but I cancelled it yesterday. There has to be some initial attraction there for me, & there just wasn't with any of the people who contacted me & the 3 I liked, weren't interested...sooo there ya go! LOL!! I was thinking that perhaps I am to superficial as of late. Praps, expecting some instant gratification here? It's a process to find someone. You gotta be in the pool to swim!! Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Praps, expecting some instant gratification here? It's a process to find someone. You gotta be in the pool to swim!! True, very true...but I think my boat has a hole in it....and there is no life preserver...and no oars....and the fact that for some reason I used a boat analogy with a pool reference....really makes me second guess my thinking all together. Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 ....and the fact that for some reason I used a boat analogy with a pool reference....really makes me second guess my thinking all together. No, maybe it means you're on cruise? Even the "Love Boat!!" Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 No, maybe it means you're on cruise? Even the "Love Boat!!" OHHHH....That makes perfect sense since most of the on-line guys did resemble Gopher! LOL!! Thank you for trying to make sense of my ramblings! LMAO!! Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Thank you for trying to make sense of my ramblings! LMAO!! I SHOULD of been a psychologist (or a meteorologist). Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Ohhhh....I thought you were a quantum physicist!? Are you saying I have NOT been talking to Steven Hawkings all this time???? Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Ohhhh....I thought you were a quantum physicist!? Are you saying I have NOT been talking to Steven Hawkings all this time???? NO silly!!! You're talking to an old Hannah and Barbara cartoon character!! Link to comment
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