heyguys Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 hello. i recently discovered my bf creating a myspace profile (he made it 7 weeks ago and i saw it 2 days ago). at first i was mad he had it a secret from me, but the more i looked into i, i saw he had been searching all the girls that lived near his zipcode. he would send them messages, under a fake name, exchange instant messanger names with them, to chat more one on one, and had real pictures posted of himself. he would ask them where they lived, flirted by asking if they had "any secrets" and admitted he had a fetish for indian/middle eastern girls. this was all disturbing to me as we have been together for 3.5 years and i saw so hints or clues he was up to this. at first he had no explanation why, he said it was not a big deal, bc at the time i didnt know of the actual flirting, then he tried to blame it on me saying i spend too much time with my family and not enough with him (which is partly true, but mostly not true) i go to church and lunch every sunday with them (he is invited to come, but doesnt" and just hang out with them alot. when i am with them i dont pay attention to my phone and i miss his calls and he gets irritated. but at the same time when i am with him, i miss other peoples calls and spend my undivided time and attention with him. regardless, his excuse does NOT justify his recent actions in my eyes. he said sorry and he was guilty, once, via text message, but frankly he does not sound sincere. he says he had no bad intentions of following through with this online friends, but the fact that these are real girls from his neighborhood sent of big red flags. i dont know what to think. i am so upset and hurt that he did this. besides my and my family time, our relationship had been stably great for a while (with normal couple fights) please post feedback and advice. thanks Link to comment
Lainers Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 To be honest, I say get rid of him. Really, can you trust him? Link to comment
heyguys Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 right now i cant trust him. i am so hurt and shocked, its scary bc i did not ever see this coming. i mean i knew we fought. but i was so certain he was all about me Link to comment
greensleeves Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Even if he hasn't followed through with meeting any of these girls, I still see it as a betrayal. It may not be a big deal to him, but what about how you feel? Also, he shouldn't resent the time you spend with your family and use that as an excuse for what he's doing. If I were you, I'd take some time away from him...maybe he'll realize what he stands to lose and you'll realize that you have better options. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Honey, i hate to tell you, but your boyfriend is experienced at trolling for sex on the side... >>he would ask them where they lived, flirted by asking if they had "any secrets" and admitted he had a fetish for indian/middle eastern girls. So what he was doing was trying to set up a situation to see if they'd accept 'secrets' (i.e., they'd meet up secretly and not tell their own partners about it), and is specifically trolling for a particular 'type' (indian/middle eastern) girls he probably has a desire to sleep with for variety or to satisfy a sexual whim. Last week he could have been trolling for Swedish girls, and the week before for girls who like S&M. He's not inexperienced at this from the way he approaches them up front asking about secrets and specifying a particular 'type' he's after, which means he's probably done it before and may already have cheated with someone (or several someones). If i undercovered what you did, i'd run screaming out of there, get tested for STDs, and don't look back. Link to comment
TechResQ Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Try looking at it this way... Would he be so willing to say it was no big deal if you were the one with the secret mySpace profile and you were doing all of the sex talk and flirting with different guys in YOUR area? I doubt it. I'll bet he would hit the roof! Especially since you two have been together for 3 1/2 years!! He is reaching for straws at this point because you have him backed into a corner. He has been busted and he will say anything to get out of it.:splat: Don't let him divert the blame on you for being with your family. How ridiculous. It is HIS fault, not yours. Good luck and God Bless. Link to comment
heyguys Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 here is msgs he exchanged with one girl. names have been changed. it starts with most recent msg on top, and first msg at bottom... Subject: RE: Hi! Body: lol.... aww sorry to inform u but im not from xxx but i used to live on xxx and pipeline if i can rmbr correctly!! but now i live n xxx closer to xxx n xxx area!! ahhhhh my secret well friend i do have secrets but i jus can't spill dem out like dat .. hehe nah jus messn with ya i rlly don't have n e secrets... ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: ..Clip.. Date: Jul 26, 2008 12:17 AM Nice Nice... I am off of xxx, where in xxx did you live? Let me guees you are from xx? hehe I knew it! hehe J/k... everyone has secrets, whats yours? ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: ..Mar.. Date: Jul 25, 2008 5:36 PM you are from xxx well guess what thats where i used to live ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: ..Clip.. Date: Jul 22, 2008 11:34 PM Hows it going? Hey, can I tell you a secret haha... I know its weird, but for some reaon Indian girls drive me crazy haha and I think you are very cute hehe. That is the first time I ever told anyone that haha... How embarrasing I am haha I totally understand if you think I am weird and choose not to write me Take care, Clip Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I'd hehe and haha his sorry behind out of my life after seeing those messages! With all those hehe's and haha's in there he's sounding like an IDIOT teenager trying to prove how innocent/harmless he is to lure these girls in. How ANNOYING and obviously trolling for girls he is.... Really, you should lose this guy. Link to comment
Zampotne Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Oh my god those messages almost made me throw up. If he "haha"d one more time I would've lost my lunch. What is it that you like about this guy? He's blaming you for his infidelities. Haha. Not funny. And not acceptable. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I'd hehe and haha his sorry behind out of my life after seeing those messages! With all those hehe's and haha's in there he's sounding like an IDIOT teenager trying to prove how innocent/harmless he is to lure these girls in. How ANNOYING and obviously trolling for girls he is.... Really, you should lose this guy. I couldn't have said it better. This guy is scum...lose him. Link to comment
heyguys Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 i know. i myself wanted to vomit after reading his ridiculously nasty msgs. well i say nasty bc it was behind my back, during our relationship so if feel awful. he says he is sorry, but is not putting much effort into repairing this. he says he wants to wait awhile for the steam to blow off. he said he has no explanation and he is sorry and he had no real intentions to go through with anything in real life...i dont buy it Link to comment
TechResQ Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 You are on the right track. Don't believe a word out of his lying mouth. Stay strong. Take care. Link to comment
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