could life get any worse? please help!

[s0urcandy]

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[pboy]

Hm. seems like a tough one here.

Have you tried talking to him about what happened before? I mean, i think things need to be the straightest possible before a child is brought into this. At first things seemed so great, but when he says he "can't fake it anymore", when did all that start? What happened? WHy did he fake whatever?

if there is a child on the way, he needs to step up and be a man.

[s0urcandy]

the problems have just started since i got back from italy, end of june. and i havnt told him about the pregnancy yet

[Zeitgeist]

Wow. Tough situation. I'm honestly not sure what to think here. My hunch is that he's freaking out a bit because it may be that your current fighting situation is bringing back memories of his failed marriage. And right now, he's probably trying to escape that. I would give him a little time to see what he does next. As for the pregnancy thing, wait to see what the "real" result is. While I'm usually for full disclosure, I'm not sure that that would be the best option right now b/c the timing is so crummy and as you said, it presents a real possibility of being taken the wrong way. I'm going to think about it some more and post more thoughts later when I have time. Do you have friends that you can trust with this information?

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

First of all try to calm down. I know that is hard but you really need to try because when you are so emotional it is hard to be rational and that is what you need right now.

 

About the arguments: although sometimes they can seem trivial and unimportant they can have a corrosive effect on a relationship over time. Much better to find a better way to discuss things without getting too involved.

 

Remember that he had a relationship before that went pear-shaped and so he may be concerned that a similar pattern is emerging. Different girl and different issues - but with the same result for him - unhappiness in the relationship.

 

If you both love each other and want to make things work - these issues are fixable given good intentions and willpower.

 

It is complicated now by the pregnancy and you need to make some fast decisions - particularly about whether you want to keep the baby. Don't rush into anything that cannot be changed later.

 

But he does need to know - in fact, he has a right to know because it is his child as well.

 

I suggest that when you are a little calmer you ask him to come over to talk about the relationship and that there is something else you need to tell him.

 

Assuming he agrees, then tell him you love him and want the relationship back on track - but if he doesn't you will understand. Then, before he says anything, tell him about the pregnancy. Tell him you didn't get pregnant on purpose in order to keep him because you know that wouldn't work - but you do realise he has a right to know.

[s0urcandy]

thanks so much, i have calmed down. my friends took me to a clinic and it is comfirmed - i am pregnant. i talked him into coming over when he gets off work, so we will see what happens then ... -sigh- i am so scared

[DN]

Being scared is understandable. But try not to be too emotional because that puts the wrong sort of pressure on someone. You want him to be with you because he wants to be - not because he wants to stop you crying or because he feels sorry for you.

 

Good luck - and let us know what happens.

[mrdsth.g8fan]

so you were out of the country for a while before this happened? sumthing you may have to be on the lookout for is that if he freakz over thebaby he may question if its his. 1 of my friends was in a similar sit, and she wuz just out of the state for a few weeks!!! thats something that could really damage the getting-back together atempt. do you have a time frame? just so ther can b no ? to him. does that make sense??