What is it with guys???

[ansleynicole]

I don't really know where to start but I need some insight...I was dating a guy last year who I love dearly to this day. We only dated for four months but we knew we loved each other and were headed toward marriage or at least thinking of it. He is divorced from a woman who treated him really badly and I think he has a lot of emotional baggage from that although he has been divorced for three and a half years. Anyway, he liked me a long time, almost a year before he ever got up the courage to ask me out and from day one together we could not get enough of each other. I am the first person he has sought out since the ex wife, he dated a girl that some people set him up with but he didn't really like her or see himself marrying her(even though they dated almost a year). We talked on the phone everyday for hours and went to church together (we met at church). Nothing could be better. We talked about his past with the terrible ex wife and I assured him that I loved him and would never leave him. However, he dumped me one day at a church get together after a misunderstanding between us. Just to be short, I was supposed to eat at his house with his family for our birthdays and I had had strep throat the week before and we didn't get to go out and I decided not to stay at his house that Sunday cause his sister in law is pregnant and his little brother was taking chemo for Hodgekin's disease and I didnt want to get them sick. I left church to drive him home and I got mad at him cause he would not talk to me in the car and I dropped him off and left even though he was motioning me to stay. I later went to church without him that night and didnt sit with him. I called him when I got home and he was really mad and did not want to talk to me but when I asked if he loved me he asked me what kinda question is that. He really was not plain in his explanation of why we were breaking up or really gave me a reason at all, he just said that if we started out like this it would always be like this, I had no clue what he was talking about but it sounded like something from his past. I do know that his wife left him and said that his mom could take care of him now...so I guess he thought maybe I was leaving him too.

It has been six months since we broke up and I have went through hell. I love this guy with all my heart and I do think he is the one I am meant to be with. I support him through all of his past and he knows that. We still see each other every single church service and that makes all of this harder. I have been sending him notes and telling him how much I love him but I haven't really gotten a response from him. He talks to me briefly every once in a while and he still says little things that makes me think he still cares. I wrote him a note two weeks ago and he actually came up to me after church and shook my hand and said that he wanted to talk to me about the letter and I asked if it was bad and he said no. Well I let a week go by and I asked him one night after church if he was ever going to talk to me and he said about what? He acted like he didnt know what I was talking about and I could tell he did and then he switched to saying that he enjoyed seeing me at church and hoped I enjoyed seeing him. Now that sounds to me like he still likes me.

I don't know what to do or what to think. I still believes that he loves me cause I wrote him a letter and told him that if he didnt still feel the same that he needed to tell me and he never said anything. I don't want to give up on him and I want to wait while he is getting his life in order cause I believe that he is just scared because of what happened with the ex wife. I mean he saw a future with me and even discussed marrying me with his parents. Although when we discussed marriage previously he said he needed a better job, and now he has one and bought a old house to fix up and he said I needed a job-which I am desperately trying for. I hope that he is just scared and will come back one day but I don't know. Does anyone have any opinion on this or viewpoint or advice or anything to help me????? Is there hope for getting back together?

Do you think he still cares about me?

[jamin]

First I would like to say: Please put spaces between your paragraphs because it is much easier for us to read it that way. I know that typing can be a constant stream of thought.

 

I agree with you for not wanting to get his family sick. One of my brothers had cancer, and has recovered, but we had to be very careful to avoid him if we were sick.

 

There must be some underlying issue. It is hard for me to believe that he would dump you just for not going to his house on one night. Most likely, he has issues from his first marraige.

 

His comment "if we started out like this it would always be like this" probably comes from frustration in the first marraige. Two people can work out problems - but only if they are both willing to work at it. You seem willing to work on the relationship. If he is too stubborn to change then your relationship may never work.

 

Hopefully he will come around and realize that he loves you enough to risk starting another relationship. But there arent any guarantees of this, so you can wait it out or move on.

[ansleynicole]

Thanks for the info. I do think that all of his problems stem from the first marriage cause there was no other reason for us to break up except that he is scared. He had to have loved me pretty deeply in order to consider marrying me one day. And he is the one who sought me out in the first place and maybe he was not as ready as he thought he was. I had went out with his first cousin and didn't really want to date him cause I was more interested in this guy and I found out sunday from his first cousin that he asked him if he minded if he asked me out. So this was like 8 or 9 months or so before he got the courage to even talk to me. I know he is extremely slow and careful so maybe there is hope for us someday when he works through his issues.