Dealing w/ a Bipolar Lover, IS This HELL?

[soulchef]

I have been in a relationship for over 2 years with a girl who was the love of my life. The reason I am so sure of that is because throughout my life I have dated so many girls and moved around because of my job being a chef consultant in many different aspects of the culinary profession. That I have asked myself the big question early in relationships, "Can I see myself walking down the aisle with this person?" If the answer is yes or even maybe I continue with the relationship. Well, not once in my life have I ever continued a relationship for over 2 or so months. I'm 34 years old now and since the day I met this one woman I was head over heals and she told me the same. I have felt things in my heart that I never knew even existed. She would call me on her cell 2 minutes after she left, and then again when she got home. Throughout our relationship though I have been accused of so many things. I determined early in the relationship that she had a jealous streak so deep and wide though. I knew it because I had it when I was a teenager and it ruined a lot of my thinking when it came to dating. I quit that pattern of thinking ASAP, but it took some years to overcome it entirely. I have been going through so many trials and tribulations with her though I never knew the way she was though. But when it clicked I knew that her jealousy and her upbringing with very negative parents, who always put her down in some sort of way, that if it didn't stop it would ruin every aspect of our relationship. Well, she has just gotten up and left so many times and we are talking months at a time. Where she tries to gather up proof that I am being unfaithful of sorts to justify her actions of leaving me. I have never, and never will be a cheater. That is one thing I am very proud of saying, not too many guys can say that, including my father. I saw what kind of pain my mother went through and I would never want to do that to another person in my life.

YES I am willing to put it all on the line for her, that is how special she is to me. It's just a shame that one day she knows how special she is and a day or a week later she ignores it. This is something she wrote to me when she knew it...

 

hi honey -

i just wanted 2 tell u that i miss you right now...and I love you soooo

berry much!!! i can't wait to see you later tonight!!!

I hope that the gipsy club calls.....and that we build a life for ourselves

soon!! I want to be with you forever!!

THANK YOU berry very much for breakfast this morning....you are the best and

I love how you look out for me and take care of me!!

I WANT TO, AND WILL ALWAYS DO THE SAME FOR YOU!!

 

LUV YOU SOOO MUCH

GEM -

 

and this is something she wrote to my best friend of 20 years

Dear Joe,

 

This letter that I am writing you has been a long time

coming. I should have spoken to you back when everything got really

strange, but of course I was a coward and couldn't face up to it. Well

the reason that I am writing to you is to apologize for the problems and

uncomfortability that I have caused between you and Jarrod.

Jarrod treasures your friendship very much and when I hurt

him, I didn't realize that I also hurt you in the midst of it. In this

the both of you started to see less and less of one another and it

wasn't fair to your friendship. Please believe that I never wanted the

both of you to drift apart! I truly admire the friendship that you both

have!!!

Joe, I love Jarrod with all of my heart!!! Him and I have

had a rollercoaster of ups & downs over the course of the last year and

a half, but if you could please believe this one thing - I love him, I

love him soooo very much! He means the world to me!!

 

I hope you understand!?

 

Take Care,

Gem

 

This might tell you a thing or two, but now she is on one of her rampages where she doesn't think I have ever been truthful with her. In Fact she had contacted an old friend that I had dated when I was 15 years old and impersonated another friend of mine and tried to get some dirt on me, which she says she has, but hasn't shown me an ounce of truth or proof. It's not that I want to see the proof, I want to see what she has made up in her head this time, because there is no proof, because there wasn't anything there in the first place. I know that this behavior is confirmation and justification because of a lack of self esteem with her insecurities.

I have changed my avenue in my profession in fact to accommodate hers. She is a teacher and I was a private chef, but that job made it hard for me to be with her. I would have to travel constantly, but the money was 6 figures. Now that I had to change and make allowances to be with her the money isn't the best until I get more of a background under my belt where I can write my own ticket within this avenue of the culinary profession.

I see the pattern, she loves, then questions that love, she leaves, tries to justifies, doesn't find anything, then comes back, this is all to familiar, but exhausting on my heart.

So now she is not excepting my emails or my phonecalls, so I was wondering what it is I should do to have her see that I do want to help, I do want to be apart of her, and I do want her to be happy even if that excludes me, but I want her to see that there is help out there for her with this situation and it can be overcome.

I hope I didn't bore you all, but in a way writing this all down does give me some type of therapy to help the situation at hand.

If there is any advice you all can give me, or questions you want to ask, please feel free to email me.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,

Soulchef

[Princess777]

Greetings,

 

I understand that this love of your life has really taken you for a ride and keeps playing with your emotions.... that is a very difficult thing to deal with, and I sympathize with you because I know what it is like to be in love with someone who exhibits similar behavior. You most likely feel trapped, in a way, because on one hand you love this person more than anything in the world and cannot imagine life without them, and you constantly try to help them, only to be shot down when things start looking up. It's a vicious cycle that you cannot seem to get out of.... does any of this ring a bell?

I wish I could give a lot of advice on this, because then I would know what to do about my own husband. I can tell you something you already know, I'm sure, and that is that she will never change until SHE is ready to do so. There is nothing you can do about her behavior, but you can regulate how it affects you. You basically have 2 choices here, in my eyes.... ( like I keep telling myself ) you can either 1) tell her what problems you have with her behavior and what you want to change in order to continue the relationship in any way (this is assuming she comes back to you) or 2) you can let her go by cutting all contact and pray for her happiness and peace within herself, in which case if she does change, require her to prove this to you over time.

 

It has taken me many years to figure out that I cannot control how another person feels or acts, no matter how much I love them or try to help them.... which is unfortunate when you can see what their problem is and what would really work for them. I believe when you observe a normal person you can pretty much tell how they will react to certain situations, but with someone who is bi-polar or has these tendencies, like my husband and your ex, you may as well just roll some dice cause just when you think you've figured out something they go and pull the rug out from under you.

 

If anything, I hope this helps you, just to know that you're not alone in your confusion. I might suggest therapy for yourself; I am going to start going this month because I cannot take it anymore either. This board helps me get through most days....Good luck in your decision..... I hope you can make one that you're happy with.

[Princess777]

Hello again, sorry, I just wanted to add that I would almost bet that this woman is a lot younger than you, and if not, she is a lot less mature than yourself. This may be something worth exploring.... maybe you should consider dating someone who is more on your level.....