ApolloIV Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I'm new here, so I hope this is the right section of the forums to post this in. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Basically, my ex-girlfriend and I got back together after having been apart for over 6 years (We were 20 when we broke up, got back together at 26). Anyway... during the 6 years we spent apart, we kept in touch every now and then, mostly through letters (real letters, not email). Sometimes though, she would call me out of the blue, and want to meet up with me somewhere. Sometimes she'd have a boyfriend, sometimes not. But it was difficult for us to remain "just friends" because it was too awkward for me to be friends with her knowing she was seeing someone else, and it just made for a difficult situation. Finally after what seemed like a bunch of false starts over the course of 6 years or more, we finally got back together for real. While we lie down on her bed together talking about it, she told me that "it's scary because it's so intense," that was what she said to me. Then she added, "This time, I'm just going to dive into it head first." ....Whatever all that means, I'm not sure. That was part of what I planned on asking you folks here...if anyone has any ideas? But anyway... she admitted to me finally that she was afraid in the past, and that was why we never got back together, because of her fear. But she claimed to be over this fear, and that was why we were together again. We didn't stay together for very long though, despite everything she said to me while we were, with all her talks of marriage, wanting kids someday, us living together, talking about all the fun we're going to have together, telling her mother how happy she is and telling her mother that I was "the one" and that I was her dream come true, etc, etc. Anything you can possibly imagine someone saying to the love of their life, she pretty much said to me. It was more than I could've ever dreamed of. So to have it all come to an end was a shock to me. She broke up with me out of the blue over the phone one night, claiming that she had no romantic feelings for me. Actually, the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm not saying we don't have what it takes to make it, but..." and then came the break up talk. But the "no romantic feelings" line was something I had already heard from her a year before this, during a different time where we were on the verge of getting back together, but for one reason or another, it just didn't happen then. So that line was nothing new to me. But that was her reason. So, after that phone call, we went through 8 months of silence, not hearing a thing from eachother. No calls, no texts, no emails, no letters, no anything. She broke the silence, 8 months later, out of the blue. It was totally unexpected. She sounded like she didn't even know why she was calling me. She said she had a strong urge to call, and she missed me and needed to hear my voice. She said she wasn't calling to get back together, but she wanted to keep in contact with me. She said she was going through a rough patch in her life, and wanted to talk to someone (me) who knew her, who really knew her. She asked if I was seeing anyone. I said no. She asked if I had seen anyone at all since we broke up. I said no. I was just being honest. I was confused. This was the same girl, who less than a year ago, said I was her safe, calm place. And who less than a year ago, was telling me that she still "feels me around" after not having seen me for almost a year (at that time). I told her that no, I cannot keep contact with you. I can't be in your life if it's not going to be us being back together, because it just prevents me from moving on. I told her I still mean everything I said when we were together. And that I still love her. So how can I go from talks of marriage and children and being together forever, back to being just a platonic friend? I couldn't do it anymore. She said she understood. That was 9 months ago now, and again, I haven't heard from her since. Not that I'm surprised that I haven't heard from her, because I basically told her "no contact." There isn't a day that goes by where this doesn't enter my mind though, and it still gets me down a lot, which is why I wanted to post, to get any thoughts or advice or words or anything like that at all. I tried not to make this long, but it's kind of hard not to, sorry. But anyway, thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. I appreciate it. Link to comment
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