His ring’s gone! Should I contact with him?

[j.m.]

I worked for his family 3 years ago. Intensive chemistry was occurred between us unintentionally. It was wrong but things were under my controlled in the right direction, fortunately. However, he was smitten. He was unable to contend his feeling and wife knew it which putting me in an extremely awkward situation. I end up quitted the job and blamed him for everything. He was hurt but got over it. Things turned ugly when the wife found out I tried to talk to him after I left the family. I was unable to have a closure with him.

 

Last year, I found that they had been separated. He looked terrible but I decided not to contact with him because I thought it was the crucial moment for his family and I shouldn’t interfere.

 

Last week, I found out his wife and kids has moved to other state (don’t know if they divorce already). It’s been 3 years and I still have very strong feeling toward him. The unfinished business feeling is like a hole in the heart. I feel that I'm dying inside.

 

My question is if it’s too late to contact with him? Will he give us another chance?

[Mindy1607307824]

Honestly, I don't know what to say. Haven't you done enough?

[healthseeker]

I don't understand your post...did you have a adulterous relationship with a man while you worked for his family? What did you do for them?

[j.m.]

I was a live-in nanny then. The wife knew I didn't do anything wrong, it was all about her husband. She didn't think firing me was a good solution I guess. I was in a state of “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". It was hard to pretend I know nothing.

 

The man was extremely frustrated when I tried to ignord him!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Just remember this is a man who would chase the nanny in his family's home! That is not a good person....

 

He may be divorced now because his wife caught him cheating with the next nanny after you or someone else.

 

And even if you ended up with him, he most likely would just cheat with someone else while with you.

 

So I think even if he is 'available' now, he is not a good candidate for a loving relationship. There's also a good chance he is already in a relationship with someone else, which might be why his marriage broke up if he has a new girlfriend now.

 

I'd say leave it, and go find a better man than him.

[j.m.]

BestrongBehappy: Thank you for your hearty advice. My head told me exactly the same thing but my heart told me others. I know you are right but.... I feel dying inside without knowing how he will react to me or if he ever loved me at all. I need to ask him and know the ture. Sorry, I'm weak now.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You can ask him, but what guarantee do you have that he will tell the truth?

 

If you must satisfy your curiosity go ahead, but honestly, you should be looking for someone who you know for a fact is willing and free to love you, not chasing a man who wanted to cheat.

 

He may have been genuinely smitten with you, but lots of married guys chase their nannies and tell them they are smitten, when what they are really trying to do is get some easy sex on the side.

[Mindy1607307824]

Yea, but I mean, situations could be different. We don't know what his wife was like & we don't know what you're like, maybe they had been having problems for a while, maybe he had to marry her because he got her pregnant and was never happy with the decision... There could be so many reasons why he wanted to be with someone else, giving him the benefit of the doubt that is.

 

Or yes, he could be just another daddy that hits on the nanny.

[littlestar]

You will always be wondering if you dont try.

Give him a call, see where it leads but guard your heart, this maybe recepie for disaster.

[healthseeker]

This entire thing is confusing...

 

so you worked as a nanny for a family in which the husband found you attractive. you say that the wife did not think any of this was your fault and blamed only her husband. You left or you were fired and now you want to try and have a relationship with him after 3 yrs?

 

So much info is unclear. So, if it was "all the husband" then why do you have feelings for him? Did something happen between you or not? Can you explain this further?

[j.m.]

Here’s my long story:

I was interviewed and hired by the wife. I never met the husband before I started working for them. The couples are both highly educated with great career achievement in their mid 30’s.

 

The man was all blushed and speechless the first time we met. I thought he was just simply shy. Later, he acted like a teenager whenever I was around. I became extremely uncomfortable. I tried to avoid him most of the time and didn’t know how to act when he started staring me (most of time). He became frustrated and very moody like a lovesick teen when I tried to ignore him. The wife knew something but didn’t say anything. Until onetime, the wife seemed tired and sick of his non-stop talking about me. She asked him “Do you love her?” He was stunning for few seconds then told her” It’s lust!” Then, both turned silent.

 

The man’s parents came to visit from England in the second week after I started working for them. They were very close and the man told his parents almost everything. Mom warned the wife about me but the wife didn’t react. Later, the parents started teasing me and watched me like hawk. One time, the wife ignored my question about dinner and walked away. I was just stood there and wondered what I should do next. The mom saw my reaction, turned to her son and said” What’s the matter? Your sweetheart can’t make up her mind?” He lowered his voice” she will hear that”.

 

I worked and lived with them for two months. They knew me well enough. The man seemed like me more each day. His attitude toward me changed from threesome jokes to call his son “little brat” when his son gave me hard time. He paid more attention on me than on his 18-month-old son. Still, the wife didn’t say anything, at least not to me.

 

As for me, there were something happening the moment I saw him and I couldn’t explain what it is. I tried to quit the job in the second week, the wife begged me to stay. Then I tried to avoid him as much as I could. The more I tried to avoid him, the more aggressive he became. Sigh!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

He sounds really immature, to be lusting after you like a teenager. If he did it from the moment he met, it was a sexual attraction, not true love, which takes time to work on and develop.

 

He had a schoolboy crush on you and everyone obviously knew it, but didn't take it too seriously until it became too obvious and annoying. Schoolboy attractions ARE all about lust and nothing to do with anything deeper.

 

Ask yourself, would you want your man behaving this way with another woman (which he would most likely do again to you)? And would you want someone who would neglect their own baby to try to hit on another woman?

 

He just sounds extremely immature and selfish. So you might be able to get him to hook up with you and sleep with you if you called because he was obviously attracted to you, but he doesn't sound like a good partner at all, not a good candidate for a marriage.

[healthseeker]

The wife knew something but didn’t say anything. Until onetime, the wife seemed tired and sick of his non-stop talking about me. She asked him “Do you love her?” He was stunning for few seconds then told her” It’s lust!” Then, both turned silent.

 

Did you hear this?

[j.m.]

Yes, I did.

 

They were looking and planning to buy a big house near beach but it took time to find a right one. Thus, they lived in a three- bed room apartment temporally then. The kitchen was right between the living room and the master room. I could hear them quite clear. Furthermore, they were less caution about what they were talking while I was around probably because English isn’t my first language and I kept my mouth shot.

[j.m.]

He just sounds extremely immature and selfish. So you might be able to get him to hook up with you and sleep with you if you called because he was obviously attracted to you, but he doesn't sound like a good partner at all, not a good candidate for a marriage.

 

Again, you are quite right on the spot. The wife told me about their story:

 

The wife was a successful carrier woman in WallStree for 10 years with Harvard MBA degree. She’s Asian ethics. Maybe her biologic clock was ticking or 911, she decided to find her a suitable husband and started a family. “I chose him!” She said it proudly “I had LOTS OF BOYFRIENDS!”

 

The man was just promoted from London to New York. A typical English man if according to our general stereo type about them, conservative, introvert, but look younger than his actual age and better looking than his average fellow men. He graduated from Cambridge and worked in the financial industry ever since. Without family and friends around, it certainly was quite flatting if there’s a young successful attractive lady who kept running after him. Immediately, they hatched and the man worship her. The wife was more like a mentor than a lover as I observed. The man obeyed whatever she decided.

“fragile!” was the first impression he gave her. She’s a strong woman in many ways. A controlling person was my conclusion about her.

 

Maybe they were mean to be together. They were both ambition persons and wanted to have best things in their life. They seemed to be great life-time partners together! The man probably will have different thought about his partner but only if he becomes a real grown man.

 

Sigh! I probably should stay away from him. Now, I think clear and I don’t think I can give him nor help him to get what he wants at this stage of his life. He needs her or other similar type of woman but me!

 

Thank you for your reminding.