NC comes on naturally sometimes

[chopperboy]

My GF ended our relationship nine days ago (you can read more in my threads), and has since been texting me here and there. I would consider this LC, but to use the word "contact" would be a stretch. She would not really share anything about herself in the texts - she was more checking in on me, I felt like. Well, today I got fed up with it, and called her out on it. I told her that after all that we shared in our three years together, becoming nothing more than text buddies felt ridiculous. I hated being brief and impersonal with the person dearest to me. I told her that I was not willing to subject myself to that, but if she ever happened to miss me and wanted to have a real connection, that I would be there. She said that it's not the extent of contact that she is ready for. I said, fine, and that she can take all the time she wants.

 

We ended it there. I had nothing left to say. And so starts NC, but this time without a struggle. It is the only thing left when nothing else will do.

[wishiknew]

I hated being brief and impersonal with the person dearest to me. I told her that I was not willing to subject myself to that, but if she ever happened to miss me and wanted to have a real connection, that I would be there.

 

this describes very much how I feel. We haven't become text buddies, contact is kept at a minimum as I feel she is keeping me at a distance. Possibly for my own sake and to not prolong the pain. But when we do, it is very brief and impersonal, which i can't seem to get used to.

 

Good for you for having the strength to do that though, I admire that. I have debated doing the same, but until mid August I will see her at least once a week and twice at weddings we will both be at. Perhaps after that will be a good time.

[cuteguyinftl]

Okay...i've been there...I am gay but I had the same thing with my ex for 11 years. He would text me being like hey can I come over to see the dogs etc... Sometimes I was busy starting a new life and I would have to explain to him my day to day ongoings.

 

HOWEVER, the * * * * * never shared one thing about his new life. And so what I am going to tell you is that she is a control freak. That she wants to know whats up with you but god forbide you ask her about her day she will tell you that you are being some kind of jealous ex boyfriend. So here is the crossroads...

 

Is her conversation that great with you know? No, then walk away. If yes, that you like to hear from her. Then try to work it out. But my friend the only one that is getting screwed is you!!!

 

Tom

[chopperboy]

And so what I am going to tell you is that she is a control freak. That she wants to know whats up with you but god forbide you ask her about her day she will tell you that you are being some kind of jealous ex boyfriend.

 

You hit that nail on the head. A control freak she is indeed, and she has even described herself as that.

 

I felt that her checking in on me had two reasons. First, I think she wanted to keep me in her collection of male followers - another guy in her back pocket for fallback or ego-stroking. Second, she feels guilty about how she ended things (yeah, she actually said that), and she wants to stay in touch just enough to see me move on and get happy again. This bothers me, because she's basically using me to assuage her guilt. I can't let her use me anymore - there was already enough of that DURING the relationship.