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My Story: Any advice, expierences you want to share, etc Welcome!!


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Ok so I just discovered this site and thought it cant hurt to get some opinions, advice, etc on my situation. I'll try to keep it brief!!


Ok, so I've just recently, no other words to describe it, but fallen in love with this guy. We met online, not through a dating site, but kind of randomly through a forum website. We kinda had a connection from the get go, started chatting on MSN for ages, hours on end. Eventually exchanged phone numbers and continued talking as though we've known each other for years. We've both admitted that this is a first for both of us (the online thing), that we werent really looking for anything but it just happened. Anyways we're both old enough (hes 21 and Im 24) to realise that the way we feel is pretty real. We've admitted we love each other and just the other night he called me his "best friend".


Anyways, at the moment he's in another state from me for 6 months working. However he has mentioned that he is considering moving to my state after that 6 months to try and make us work. Do you think it is too soon to be talking about that? We've only been chatting for 3 months or so and although we're very close we have still yet to meet. Although obviously he does plan on coming down before that 6 months is up to meet me and spend time with me.


I guess I'm just looking for any advice, people's expierences??


PS. Ive actually read through some of the forums on here and am now really nervous about meeting him! Apparently its normal to NOT find the same connection in real life?? How is that possible.. I mean I think we're pretty realistic in our day to day conversations ........ ahhhhhhhhh!!! Really confused now!

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hi there,


wow it seems like a whirl-wind romance! You should definitely start as friends and met up in person SOON. Although you know each other fairly well it might be different in person. Most times what happens is that you have an imagined sense of what he will be in person (his mannerisms, his expressions and his overall vibe). Right now it all seems great, but beware you might be building it up to be this perfect connection, and if he is not what you had imagined, you might be let down. But it seems you both have kept it pretty real, so the chance of that happening might be slim.... in my opinion I believe it is a bit much for him to move to your state to make the relationship work. Meet up for a weekend and stare at each other and be in each other's company, only then will you get a real sense if he is everything he told you he was, just be careful.


I hope everything works out for the both of you. Please take care.


all the best,


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I've had two experiences, exact like yours, one experience last year and one of them, more recently. Both times I was on an internet chat forum (not a dating site) and both were random guys I'd got chatting to. Hit it off immediatley and there was an instant connection with both. Both guys were long distance....


Guy No.1 - Instant attraction and connection. Chatted for six months and also via phone, now and again. We exchanged heaps of pics!! Felt like I'd known him all of my life and we had so much in common and were exactly alike!! Thought I'd found my *soul mate*...nobody had ever understood like this guy. He promised we'd be together one day, set a date and a place for us to meet....fortnight before meeting, he cancelled. To cut a long story short, turned out he was married and I hadn't known.


Guy No.2 - Came along in March this year. Again I wasn't looking. Just got chatting to him, instant connection. I didn't have or feel an *instant attraction* for this guy though, as I'd had with Guy No.1. Yet oddly enough, this guy is much better looking, than guy no.1...LOL. We'd been chatting for at least a month when I began to think of him in a romantic way. We got along really well and were pretty much on the same wavelength. We chatted on the phone and a lot. This guy would ring me, sometimes ten times a day!!! He asked to meet me, as early as two weeks after we'd been chatting, but I didn't feel I knew him well enough to meet, plus there'd been no romantic feeling for him that early. ....and as I said, I wasn't looking to date or looking for a partner....so for me, there was no rush to meet. Anyways, he began saying he had feelings for me, he loved me....and I was like "wth?? this guy doesn't know me, to say he can love me" How can he love me, when he's never met me?? I'd tell him I felt feelings for him yeah, but when I didn't say I loved him, he would become abusive. It all got too heavy for me and I decided to end the friendship....however, he still won't leave me alone and still tries to contact me...


Just thought I'd share my experiences anyway, but don't let mine put you off. Although the stories begin the same way, they don't all end the same way.....some people do meet online and do end up, in happy, real life relationships....hopefully yours will be one of them...


I wish you both GOOD LUCK

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Your story sounds a touch like mine. I would advise you to use some caution here. Unless this guy has a concreate plan to meet you soon, then I would be leary. I had convos with my cyber guy after chatting for many many months about him coming to meet me and moving my way. I was smitten and in love with him. One day out of the blue he vanished into thin air and I was left a mental wreck. Please be careful and guard your heart. You really don't know him until you meet.

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Thank you guys for your responses!!


I truly am sorry for your bad expierences but it helps to hear them, just so that I am aware of what CAN happen. I think both of us pretty realistic about this, he's coming down for a week or so in a couple months time. So we'll just take it from there I think. Hopefully we'll still have that same connection in person.


Like I said, this is new to both of us and I just want to make sure that I'm not too naive about this. So thanks again guys and i wish you guys the best!!

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If you meet in person then it should be in a public place for a short period of time - he should not move to your state because of you, that's for sure. And yes it's entirely possible that any romantic potential you feel here will not exist in person. I do think you can become close friends through typing and talking. Looks is a minor part of why I think the way I do. If you can't meet in person within the next month or so I would limit the contact if you feel you are developing romantic feelings for him or him for you, so that you won't continue to be attached to typing and talking with all the unrealistic expectations that can bring. It also puts too much pressure on the in person meeting.


How do you know he's 24? That he;'s a "he?" That he is working in the other state - do you have the name of his employer, his work phone number, home phone number? Have you run a background check on him?

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Thanks for your reply. I should probably clear up a few things about my situation. We've both agreed to meeting in public just for a casual coffee and he has said he doesnt want to place any pressure on me or "us" and just see if what we feel for each other is real. I mean we have discussed this quite a bit becuase it is so unusual for us.


As for the moving thing, he's at a place in his life that he was considering moving down here before he even met me. He has family down here and was thinking about moving here after the 6-month job he's currently at is completed. Although he has admitted that I'm a major factor in making this decision too .. but its not solely for me. (Granted it'd make things easier for us if he did though lol)


He is actually 21, I'm 24. And I do know where he works, I dont have his work number though, however its a bit of a high pressure job where he's out and about a lot so contact at work is not really appropriate anyway. As for the background check, I dont even know where to start with that?? Is it really necessary? I mean, how is this any different from meeting anyone at a bar/club, etc ... you kinda just go on face value then too? They could tell you absolutely anything too. I think after a while of talking to someone its impossible to hide the real "you" and as weary as I am about all this, I do trust that he is who is. I mean we talk about our everyday lives, when we're feeling up and down so I think its been pretty realistic thus far.


Anyway, I do appreciate your input, has made me think a lot. We care a lot about each other and we want to take this slow anyway.. so who knows?

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I would do a background check because of the increased risk that someone who can hide behind a computer and a phone might not be who he claims to be, more than someone you meet in person. if I met someone at a bar or any similar public place and we had no friends in common I would also check up on him unless I knew where he worked, where he lived, his phone numbers, saw his ID (I wouldn't ask but it's something you see when you are dating someone) etc. I understand that you probably can't call him at work but you should at least have the name of his company, the address, and then call the main number and see if you can confirm that he works there, discreetly.


Many background checks are relatively inexpensive.

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I do trust that he is who is. I mean we talk about our everyday lives, when we're feeling up and down so I think its been pretty realistic thus far.


The same thing was taking place with my cyber guy. While it might seem realistic.. its really not until you meet in person and make plans for it ot be a IRL R. I'm not trying to paint a bad pciture for you.. I just got hurt real bad and ended up wasting lot's of time on someone that I thought I knew but truley did not. Please be careful.

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Just on a happier note -


I met a man on the internet playing a shot em up game, got talking on msn for hours and hours, then phone, e-mail, text, and all four at the same time at some points lol.


We admitted we both felt something for each other after about two months and we met up after about 3.


He lived 150 miles away and we travelled and saw each other every weekend for a year or so, then i moved to be with him.


We've been together about 3 years now, and it is the best thing thats ever happened to me, (and him lol) and were going from strength. we've got a great place, each other and were opening our own shop next week after a run of bad luck with me being made redundant (got another great job now)and having to move house and other worries.


Were now planning to be millionaires by this time next year and have loads of kids rofl.


I do still advise caution as everybody has said, you never know who your meeting, but it can work.


Let me know how you get on.

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I do trust that he is who is. I mean we talk about our everyday lives, when we're feeling up and down so I think its been pretty realistic thus far.


The same thing was taking place with my cyber guy. While it might seem realistic.. its really not until you meet in person and make plans for it ot be a IRL R. I'm not trying to paint a bad pciture for you.. I just got hurt real bad and ended up wasting lot's of time on someone that I thought I knew but truley did not. Please be careful.


Sorry, new to this forum but what does IRL R mean??

And you're right I know I have to wait until we meet in person before it becomes "real". I appreciate that you're willing to share your story and can only hope that the same thing doesnt happen to me.

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WOW! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think its the first "successful online" relationship stories I've seen on this forum (although I am new to it lol). But seriously, I couldnt be happier for you guys. I mean, it was one of those things that you both werent looking for and just kinda happened. As cliche as it sounds, maybe it was meant to be. I'm impressed that you made the move too. That takes a lot of strength and courage. I'd love to fill you in on how it goes later on... hopefully it'll be just as positive as yours was! Thanks again. I think being realistic is one thing but I was startign to lose hope there for a second. Best of luck to you guys!!

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Meeting through an on line site is not the same as typing and talking at length with someone you originally met on line, especially long distance and with no specific plans to meet. I know many happily married couples who originally first contacted each other through a dating site.

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