it kills me

[a_lifters_life]

Im in a temp. LDR because we're both 19 and go to the same college. She has MANY, MANY girl/guy friends, most of which aren't close but know her. Usually I think its from her drinking with people.

 

Since we only see each other 2-4x per month its tough to know how she is doing. She doesnt work, or actually just got a job after 2 months of being jobless. It's volunteer work which is highly commendable. However, she is extremely extremely social with people.

 

I on the other hand, am friendly, but not extremely outgoing. She is constantly playing organized games with girls/guys back at home this summer (Man Hunt, etc, etc). She really does not seem like the girl to cheat, but shes also the type that doesn't tell me how she feels - I have to DRAG it out of her if I sense something is wrong. I really do not get why she can't tell me how she feels... I think if I found out she ever cheated I'd go apesh!t.

 

The one problem I'm having and I've discussed this with her many times is we go back to college 08/24 and she is a drinker. She claims not to be a big drinker and says she only drinks 2-3x per month, which all of her close friends who are friends with me think is an absolute lie. Anytime I try to talk to her about me NOT wanting her to drink a lot next semester or it will not go well with me - she gets really ticked off. Since we been together 3 months, last time we were at college we were just friends and even then she liked me alot, but still ended up drinking 1-2x per weekend. I remember it like the back of my hand, I hated it.

 

Rather than rant more, I'd just like to know how to approach this. The alcohol and guys on campus who are just there to get ass scare me. I'm to the point where if I found out she cheated, I may just * * * * the guy up who did it and never talk to her again. I've had alcohol problems on my dad's side and completely messed up our relationship with them ... that's why I fear drinking too much is bad and wouldn't want a 'party' animal g/f.

[LBP]

If you don't relax and let her live her life you're going to drive her away, cheating or no. Would you be happier if she dumped you and got with another, as opposed to cheating?

[ClementineK]

In my experience, the more you try to tell someone to NOT do something they want to do it more. Maybe you should ask her if she is drinking safely, instead? Act more out of concern for her well being and not that you just don't want her to do it 'cause you're jealous. My last bf and I had problems just like this. If you want to make things last with her you got to make sure you keep your jealousy under control. It will eat you alive.

[a_lifters_life]

If you don't relax and let her live her life you're going to drive her away, cheating or no. Would you be happier if she dumped you and got with another, as opposed to cheating?

 

Yeah, I'd rather her tell me straight up how she feels and leave me and go do w/e than cheat on me.

 

I try to relax man ... but its tough, the distance kills me and causes me to have anxiety about the relationship. i only got 3 weeks left of this, but then I just dont know even if we're closer how often we'll see each other. I just don't know if she understands how different / more caring I am than other b/f's. If she left, I'd think she'd come back after finding another guy ... one whos a jerk and would cheat on her.

 

She's a big drinker and everyone knows it. She is in denial.

[LBP]

I notice you're a lifter... I have a close friend who's very much like you in his additude toward his girlfriends. He is a lifter as well. I can say honestly that he'd driven away every girl who has had an interest through this behavior. He has no problem meeting new girls, because of his physique, but it still gives him trouble. It's something that you'll have to learn to handle if you're going to make it long term with any girl, including this one.

[ghost69]

something you have to understand about cheating. why do anything to the guy? it's the girl that's the problem. of course depending on the actual circumstance. but 99% of the time it's the person that you are dating that is the problem.

[ImThatGirl]

^^ Why is it so difficult for people to see that? It drives me crazy to hear guys say that they'd want to fight the guy if their girlfriend cheated on them.

 

Lifter... First it was the problem with her not telling you how she feels while your relationship is long distance. Now it's that she's too social for your liking. And also that when you all go back to school, she's going to be a drunk and you have a problem with that.

 

She's in college. There is nothing wrong with being social or even drinking 2 times a week socially.

 

I really think you need to take a look at yourself, what you need to change, work on those things, and stop trying to change this girl. Either you like her for who she is or you end it and find someone that fits your mold perfectly.

[a_lifters_life]

^^ Why is it so difficult for people to see that? It drives me crazy to hear guys say that they'd want to fight the guy if their girlfriend cheated on them.

 

Lifter... First it was the problem with her not telling you how she feels while your relationship is long distance. Now it's that she's too social for your liking. And also that when you all go back to school, she's going to be a drunk and you have a problem with that.

 

She's in college. There is nothing wrong with being social or even drinking 2 times a week socially.

 

I really think you need to take a look at yourself, what you need to change, work on those things, and stop trying to change this girl. Either you like her for who she is or you end it and find someone that fits your mold perfectly.

 

I dont agree with drinking so often socially ... that's just lame. But, I can respect her for who she is if she can give me "Quality Time". There has to be a compromise and that can be it.