Jump to content

Scarred & Hideous


Recommended Posts

Hi there,

 

Ive posted before about this and about how i was in an physically/emtional abusive relationship. Well most of the time i kept all my emotions and thoughts/anger/sadness to myself. One time this all came out, I took a pocket knife to my leg - my shin and i didnt realise at the time but everything just rose inside me and i cut myself - very very deeply. I was alone in the house, blood was everywhere, and i realise now if id hit an artery i could of died of blood loss. I didnt even feel any pain and the next morning insted of going to a hospital, i put kitchen roll and dressing on it and went to work and worked 9 hours. During that time i managed to clean and change the dressings properly with the first aid kit but it was aching and the realisation of what i done sank in.

 

After work I went home and the blood had seeped thru the bandage, again i was alone in my flat and panicking. I remember veen posting on a forum like this and ppl replied as if i was taking the piss and faking it. and i wasnt. To give u an idea, the cut is horizonal, the depth is so that u could see my sliced fat and flesh. I phoned my bf up at we went to the hopsital where we waited 5 hours to be seen and i got 9 stitches to close it up. Because it was almost 24 hours later, the scarring is worse than what it might of been.

 

That was septemver last year and since then, ive kept my legs covered, been applying gels/creams/ everything to try and help it. It is a large thick (about 1cm width, 7cm length) red scar right in the middle of my shin on my left leg. I regret it every day i look at it and it is just a reminder of what happened to me. I cant take it back, its hideous and i cant even show my mum and dad, they dont know anything fo whats happened. I cant wear skirts on holiday, 3/4 length trousers. Recently i went shopping for a dress to wear w tights w my mum and she told me to try it on in fornt of her and i made some excuse about not liking it so i didnt have to.

 

This gets me down so much, ive even looked at surgery for it but i cant afford it. I just keep thinking noone is ever gonna want me. Can u imagine me getting close with a guy and him seeing that? I just think he would run a mile and think im crazy. Gets me so down. Also apart from this, my abusive bf pushed me one night and i fell on gravel and split my chin open. I now have a red/raised scar just under my lip and that happened in January and its horrible i wanna cry about all of this and wish i could turn the clock back. I jsyt dont know what to do, i think i am gonna be alone forever, noone is gonna want me for all this.

 

Sorry for all this, just feel so low and its even good typing this all out to you. Thank you for any responses xx

Link to comment

Hi First Star,

 

Sorry you are feeling so down. I'd bet it really doesnt look as bad as you make it sound. I have a huge hideous scar on my head it that makes you feel any better!! Don't worry so much about what others think. Easier said than done of course but you need to try. It does not define you, you do. Others do not need to know the true history behind it.

Link to comment

Often scars aren't as noticeable as you yourself think they are. Even though it's big, it sounds like it could be from any injury, so I don't think people would automatically assume that you did it yourself (as they might if they saw lots of razor scars in one area, or something like that). I know it's easy to say, but if you want to wear skirts and shorts then go for it, and just have a vague cover story if anyone asks about it. And don't feel bad everytime you see it - it was a bad patch in your life which you managed to survive, which is something to be proud of really.

 

Also, do you have someone to talk to about your ex, because it sounds like you have quite low self-esteem because of what he did? Just because he was abusive doesn't mean nobody will ever want you. And if anyone was put off by something as insignificant as a scar then they seriously wouldn't be worth your time anyway xx

Link to comment

You're not hideous. Any scars you may have, particularly the ones you mention, they're just part of who you are. However, I know that probably won't make you feel that much better. It's all very well someone telling you this, but I know first hand how it feels. It doesn't feel attractive, it doesn't feel nice. But in time you'll come to accept them. They're something you can't easily change. Be proud of them. Be adventurous with reasons for how you did them. That's not to say you should lie, but if you don't want to tell people the truth, you don't have to. Don't hide away because of one or two scars. Guys will love you for who you are. If this were to put them off, they're very shallow. Chin up

Link to comment
I have a lot of scars, and it does not stop my bf from being crazy about me (internally and physically). I even find them beautiful now.

 

Fantastic! that sounds like you've really come to terms with it, and seeing it as something positive in your mind. thats such a great attitude to have. It shows how strong you are and how far you've come! Fantastic Fantastic FANTASTIC!!!

Link to comment
Fantastic! that sounds like you've really come to terms with it, and seeing it as something positive in your mind. thats such a great attitude to have. It shows how strong you are and how far you've come! Fantastic Fantastic FANTASTIC!!!

 

 

Not too long ago I had cuts on my inner thighs from some bad times, I was worried that my bf would find me unattractive but he immediately kissed them & made love to me...now I know we must love ourselves, but sometimes when someone else shows us love that helps us realize our worth....I hope the OP will realize this too and not let any scars bother her.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...