Can't take it anymore.

[undercover007]

I'm so upset.. hurt.. I feel so betrayed. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 3 yrs. We've had countless breakups.. he threatened to leave me many times only for me to beg him back. Only a few occasions did he come back to me.. but that was after I had tried to move on with my life because i wanted him out for good. I have so much anger in my right now that I dont know what to do with myself.. dont know who to turn to anymore because im sure my friends are sick of hearing me cry. I've caught him in a couple lies (nothing to do with cheating) and confronted him about it.. only to have him turn it around on me and say that he wouldnt have to lie to me if I would give him space. Every time we fight, he will ignore me for days.. sometimes weeks.. giving me the silent treatment. I was so upset yesterday that I drove around for 4 hours aimlessly at night and got into an accident and hit my car. I can't take this anymore. He makes me feel like I am crazy.. or maybe I am. I dont know anymore. Our relationship was so perfect in the beginning.. he was so loving and caring.. then he turned into a completely different person. He was possessive.. controlling.. he would hack into my online journal.. he would make me delete all my guy friends on my phone.. he would get mad if i wanted to go out clubbing.. he would get mad if I hung out with certain friends.. and he would get mad if i couldnt spend time with him. Now that roles are reversed and I want to spend more time with him, he calls me clingly and needy and then breaks up with me for being that way. This has been an on going cycle.. and im so sick of it. I completely lashed out on him and accused him of things that I know probably werent true but I had so much anger in me that I just said whatever came to my mind. Of course he got angry and told me he didnt want to be with someone immature. He calls me immature when he cant even communicate with me when we have a problem. The only way he knows how to handle it is by avoiding me and ignoring me. I fee like im going insane. This pain is almost unbearable.. this is the same pain i felt when he broke up with me for a month and I really thought it was over for good until he came around again. I dont understand how someone can say they love u, yet hurt u so much. Everything on the outside thinks hes so charming and funny.. yet they dont know the real side to him and the way he treats me and disrespects me. I'm tired of all this.. I just want to be strong enough to leave for good. Someone give me the strength to move on I love him so much and have always put his needs and wants first.. but i cant take this pain anymore.. its almost to the point where i feel like theres nothing worth living for..

[beingbrave]

I've caught him in a couple lies (nothing to do with cheating) and confronted him about it.. only to have him turn it around on me and say that he wouldnt have to lie to me if I would give him space.

 

That's what abusive people do. They turn everything around and make it seem like it's your fault and you deserve the punishment. Well, YOU DON'T! You deserve to be in a normal relationship with someone who is going to treat you like the lady you are. You are much better than this and YOU are worth something. Don't let this man ruin another day of your life. You should get out.

 

Every time we fight,

 

I've seen these kinds of relationships before. Usually, emotional abuse is most likely followed by physical abuse. Is there something you are keeping out because you are ashamed? Does he put his hands on you?

 

he will ignore me for days.. sometimes weeks.. giving me the silent treatment.

 

The silent treatment is the most aggressive type of behavior out of someone, besides actual physical abuse. If he is doing this to you, than he has some serious issues. I take it that he doesn't like hearing what you have to say and when it's your turn to talk he turns silent. That has to be the most mind wrenching thing someone can do to you. I'm sure it makes you feel trapped. When someone isn't talking back to you and not letting you have your say so in, it is wrong. It's like you don't have your own choices and this is wrong!

 

 

He makes me feel like I am crazy..

 

Trust me, you are not crazy. His silent treatment does this to you. Eventually it will make you go insane, if you keep on having to hold everything in without someone listening to you, because we all know very well that he IS NOT listening to you. He runs away every time you try to get something in. He treats your thoughts and your opinions as if they don't mean anything and that's wrong. You are a better person and you deserve more than what you are getting from this relationship.

 

This pain is almost unbearable..

 

You need to get out of this relationship soon. What's keeping you? What has kept you this long? Posseviness doesn't equal love. N' I'm sorry to say this, but how can someone love you, but all the while make you feel worthless?

 

 

Someone give me the strength to move on

 

All we can do is encourage you to move on. You have to gather up the strength to actually leave him. Have you thought about seeking help through a counselor? Or maybe putting a restraining order on him?

[undercover007]

Thank you Being Brave for your encouragement.

Honestly sometimes I really think im the crazy one.. he calls me crazy and psycho. When he ignores me, it drives me nuts to the point where I keep calling him over and over because all I want is some kind of response from him. But he won't budge.. he'll just keep ignoring my calls or cancel them which makes me furious.

 

I noticed everything is somehow always my fault.. and he always manages a way to turn the blame on me. He'll say if you didnt act this way then I wouldnt be like this.. or something similar to that.

 

He has shoved me and threw stuff at me before.. but that all stopped. Now he mostly just threatens to leave me or he'll threaten to call the cops of me cause I'm calling him. I'm so depressed.. and so afraid to leave for good because I feel like I'll never find someone that I loved as much as him. Or that maybe I wont ever find love again. I guess another thing that is keeping me is that i have hope that maybe he will change. He will change for a little while but then always go back to his ways.

 

I'm emotionally drained.. yes I have gone to a therapist because I was having major depression and anxiety from the relationship. It has helped a little.. but im still depressed.. and i feel like this cycle of abuse is just never ending.

[beingbrave]

Being in a relationship that causes major depression is not a healthy one. You don't need the added stress right now, especially since you are dealing with depression. Your depression will worsen if you're living in unhealthy conditions.

 

You mentioned staying with him because you don't know if you'll ever find love again? Is this what love is? Do you actually love this guy? Does he actually love you? Love is not supposed to hurt and surely isn't supposed to make you depressed. I see that you are in emotional pain right now and your boyfriend isn't comforting you. You are going through so much and he is not even their to support you, if he is ignoring your calls and being mean to you. You deserve more than what you are getting from him.

 

What I don't understand is why he is putting his hands on you? When did someone have the right to put their hands on anyone out of anger? I don't care if he just pinched you, you should not tolerate someone putting their hands on you. It's not right! That's not normal.

 

If you stay with this man, you will end up in more pain than you are in now and you will eventually leave him. However, by that time, you might be to the point where you can't snap back and make a full recovery from the depression he has caused.

 

I think you should seriously think about where this relationship is heading. He just doesn't seem like a nice person to me. Of course, I don't know him personally, but from what you said, I know enough to determine that he is aggressive and hurts you. If he is putting his hands on and yelling at you, then those are all signs that he wants power in the relationship.

 

I know you are waiting for him to change, but why would he change if he doesn't think there's anything wrong? He obviously doesn't see a problem, which is why he blames everything on you. He thinks you are the problem. He is making you believe that it's not him with the issues and it's you. What even makes this worse is that you are starting to believe him.

 

I think you need to step back and look at this relationship from the outside in. If you saw this type of relationship elsewhere, what would you think?

 

I wish you the best. I really hope you make a decision that's right for you. Please do let me know how things are going.

[Beyondthesea]

You have no idea how lucky you are that you two don't live together. Drop him NOW! What on Earth are you waiting for? Every day with him is misery, he is driving you crazy, break it off and go to strict no contact.