Catching my bf staring with a dirty grin on his face at 2 girls and talking to him about it

[ImThatGirl]

So if you seen some drop dead hot guy dancing and pulling his shirt of being crazy or just plain silly, you'd turn the other direction?

 

Just trying to understand... No offense meant.

[DN]

Ok - last kick at the can here.

 

You say he was looking with a dirty grin on his face. That is a subjective opinion. Other people who also know him may have seen nothing out of the ordinary. It was just what you saw based on what he was looking at.

 

The main point I am trying to make is that I think you need to be very careful with this sort of behaviour because I think it is going to harm your relationship. I hope I am wrong but I have seen it happen too often to be optimistic.

[girl68]

OK,

 

I see what you're saying- I do. However, I do know that look on his face- I know him very well- I know it was a "dirty grin" I do NOT know what he was thinking - but it was a dirty sly sorta smile... I know what I saw. And, I'm not one to get upset at every little thing! This was the one and ONLY case in 2 years I've called him out on... So it's not like it's all the time... He's a very good bf and has never disrespected me in any such way! That's why this one threw me through a loop!

 

And, I was just sharing as I thought I'd done pretty good being in the situation and given my feelings... but I guess I'm pretty wrong for being hurt- but I can't help that and I'm glad he understood and will think next time- which is all I wanted anyways!

 

Imthatgirl: Yes, I would OBVIOUSLY look... however- in all honesty I would not stare for some length of time, and I would take into consideration if my bf was there... and if he was- I would sneak a peak here and there... And that was all I was asking of him.

 

PS I did post this in the jealously form as I'd HOPED more "i'm feeling jealous my bf checks out other girls" posters would read this and maybe use some of it.

[DN]

Just to be clear: I am not saying you are wrong to be hurt - you can't help how you feel. But it what you do about those feelings that matters.

[Gratsy]

Honestly, I think you're perfectly justified to feel the way you do. I wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy who would do that, personally.

[beingbrave]

I am sorry for what I said in a post yesterday. It was already deleted by a moderator, so I don't have to go in and delete it. Thank you. =)

 

To the lady who posted this thread. I also apologize if you took what I said as a bash. I wasn't at all trying to put you down. Please don't see it that way. I know you have feelings and your feelings got crushed when you saw your bf eying those other girls. Like DN said, maybe he was intrigued and aroused by them dancing? Maybe he was caught off guard and disgusted by their behavior in a public place? Either way, I really think that you should expect him to look if you are going to a nightclub. Am I right or wrong when I say that people usually go to nightclubs to drink, dance, and get their flirt on? lol...Trust me, I've had my fair share of nightclubs. When I used to go out--which I don't anymore--I was in one mode--to go out, drink, have fun, dance, and flirt...lol...That's what young people do at night clubs...

 

Look at it this way. Would you find a 45 year old married woman or man dancing it up and drinking at a nightclub? It would almost be weird to see that. I'm not saying they don't go out, but it wouldn't be your usual scene at a club. Typically, you would find single people (in relationships or not) who are out to have a good time and flirt.

[girl68]

Ok fair enough... I know what you're all saying. But I was simply sharing my story for others.

 

Anyways I think you're wrong about the nightclubs thing... I go all the time, I am interested in most of dancing and drinking I don't go at ALL to get my flirt on. I/ we (my partner and I) don't go to get our flirts on or so he or I can check out pretty people... at all really.

 

And I do expect him to look- how could one not, just do so tastefully- that was my only point during this whole thing- don't google eye them with a prolonged stare and a grin on your face... that's just a bit much of "a look" is no one willing to agree with me? I don't bring up this sort of thing with him often- even if I do catch him looking I just thought this instance was too much... and I told him and he's respectful of that. Which is good no? I never said don't look, if I ever catch you looking I wil... it was never anything like that.

[diamond78]

Girl68,

 

I think you handled the situation very well. I think it's disrespectful to your partner to give OBVIOUS stares while you are out with your significant other.

 

 

Yes, everybody does look and find others attractive, but it's common decency to show some tact while in that situation! If I can tell that you are mesmerized by this other woman, then we are definitely going to have a problem...lol

 

I remember when that first happened with my Ex....A couple times I noticed some blatant staring and I didn't like the way it made me feel. The 3rd time it happened I made one statment letting him know I noticed him staring...

 

I didn't get angry, upset, yell, etc....but he knew what my point was and it didn't happen again. Even now when we go out together as an ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend couple, he knows not to show that type of disrespect.

 

I would never do that to him and I expect the same in return.

 

 

I believe that your expectations of 'looking tastefully' is not unreasonable at all.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You combine alcohol (lowers inhibitions) plus girl grinding (very sexual situation), you are very likely to get a subconcscious (dirty) grin on his face. There is a type of smile known as a 'limbic' smile (limbic system) that is part of the brain which generates a smile of genuine pleasure combined with a sexual thought (which he can't help having if there are two girls grinding in front of him).

 

So I don't think it was his intent to be disrespectful... it was just his lower (reptilian, sexual) brain kicking out a grin when his inhibitions were lowered and two girls were putting on a sex show right in front of his face.

 

So i perfectly understand why you would be hurt, because none of us want to see our partners thinking about or really admiring other females... that threatens us.

 

So you BOTH had genuine responses here, but i think you need to rein in the assumption that he is somehow bad because he had a little something flash thru his brain (and the smile was the result of it). I'm sure he had no intent to be disrespectful, and he certainly controlled any impulses to chat or grind the girls.

 

So I'd let it go. The best way to get over things like this is to put it in context, and don't turn it into a big deal for him or yourself. It happened, his reptile brain was in charge for a second, no harm done.