christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Should I just call him?? I still have his number.. and I so would love to hear his voice and see if he is ok. What do you all think?? Link to comment
DLtoken Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 You are just going to pour gasoline on that smoldering fire of a painful, failed relationship... Am I right? Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 You are just going to pour gasoline on that smoldering fire of a painful, failed relationship... Am I right? At this point..I feel like I need to see if he will even talk to me and offer an explaination as to were he's been. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 At this point..I feel like I need to see if he will even talk to me and offer an explaination as to were he's been. Well f you decide to call, you will have to be prepared for the fact that he may not want to talk, or that he may just hang up on you....and you are going to feel rejected and be hurt all over again, if he does that. However, as you know, I'd phoned the guy in my situation looking for answers and two months after I hadn't heard anything from him and I got an explanation. Hopefully if you call, then you will get one too.. If you feel, that calling is something you have to do, then I'd do it. Whether he hangs up or decides to talk, you are going to come away with an answer. Link to comment
amipushy Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Don't do it, You have never met, and you will regret it. He knows where you are, how you feel already so put this behind you. If he ever cared about you he WILL contact you . If he doesn't then you have lost nothing but a mean lying guy who used you for entertainment and never cared about you. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 If, after all this time he hasn't felt compelled to give you any kind of explaination, please don't expect to get one now. Just let it go. Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Well f you decide to call, you will have to be prepared for the fact that he may not want to talk, or that he may just hang up on you....and you are going to feel rejected and be hurt all over again, if he does that. However, as you know, I'd phoned the guy in my situation looking for answers and two months after I hadn't heard anything from him and I got an explanation. Hopefully if you call, then you will get one too.. If you feel, that calling is something you have to do, then I'd do it. Whether he hangs up or decides to talk, you are going to come away with an answer. How did your guy react when you phoned? Link to comment
amipushy Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think there's a difference between calling someone whom you had a relationship with or dated even but you guys havent met as far as I'm aware? Don't do it. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Don't do it, You have never met, and you will regret it. He knows where you are, how you feel already so put this behind you. If he ever cared about you he WILL contact you . If he doesn't then you have lost nothing but a mean lying guy who used you for entertainment and never cared about you. Good points. Advice I would have probably heeded, before I'd dumbly called the guy in my sitch. But still, I got answers....then it was *adios* and I moved on. Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think there's a difference between calling someone whom you had a relationship with or dated even but you guys havent met as far as I'm aware? Don't do it. No we did not meet, however we spent hours and hours talking and writing. It was a ton of time to have spent on someone. Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Good points. Advice I would have probably heeded, before I'd dumbly called the guy in my sitch. But still, I got answers....then it was *adios* and I moved on. So in other words from your call the answers he gave halped you to move on? Because thats exactly why I would like to make the call. I will put my mind at ease and know for sure he's ok, and also perhaps gain awareness as to why I was so important to him for so long then one day I was not. Make sense? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Could be that he was just playing you. Two people on a computer, never to meet. One person is bored and decideds to woo the other from afar. He's nameless and faceless. Almost like he never exsisted. He moved on, so should you. Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Could be that he was just playing you. Two people on a computer, never to meet. One person is bored and decideds to woo the other from afar. He's nameless and faceless. Almost like he never exsisted. He moved on, so should you. I see your points, however he was not namless and face less. I knew his real name.. and had plenty of photos. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 How did your guy react when you phoned? He sounded surprised, a bit taken aback that it was me. He was probably asking himself, why the heck I was calling and after all that time...because it wasn't and aint as big an issue, for them as it was and is for us. You see, while we are left in the dark, wondering what the heck went wrong and hurting badly....these guys are moving on with their lives and probably didn't/don't ever give a thought to, what to they left behind! So he was surprised yeah, but he didn't put the phone down, he did the decent thing and came clean. But that doesn't mean your guy will do the same. If I had to do it all over again, then I do have to say, I personally wouldn't call. I'd just let it go and think along the lines of what *amipushy* said ...."if he cared/cares, he WILL call you*.... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I see your points, however he was not namless and face less. I knew his real name.. and had plenty of photos. I'm just super leary when it comes to the whole cyber thing. How do you know that you had his real name? And how do you know that the pictures were of him? He could have found random pictures of the same guy on the net and used them as his. I'm not trying to be a buzz kill, I just hear too many stories of people that have been duped online. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 What are you hoping to accomplish by calling? If you just want to keep in touch and find out how he is doing, WITHOUT ANY OTHER EXPECTATIONS, then it is fine to call. However, if you expect to start a relationship, you may be disappointed...so figure out what your motivation is and act accordingly. Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I'm just super leary when it comes to the whole cyber thing. How do you know that you had his real name? And how do you know that the pictures were of him? He could have found random pictures of the same guy on the net and used them as his. I'm not trying to be a buzz kill, I just hear too many stories of people that have been duped online. Your very wise to be leary, I have always felt the same way. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that I would have trusted someone online like I did with him. I believed his pictures becuase he was just ordinary looking. I'm sure if he was going to try and impress me..he could have sent a picture of a better looking guy. I fell in love with his perosnality. While yes he could have faked things, I find it very hard to believe he could have faked the repoir we had between us..IMO.. that just can't be faked..it was to natural. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 So in other words from your call the answers he gave halped you to move on? Because thats exactly why I would like to make the call. I will put my mind at ease and know for sure he's ok, and also perhaps gain awareness as to why I was so important to him for so long then one day I was not. Make sense? Well yeah, his answers did help me move on. He was a married guy and I hadn't been aware of that. So instantly I got my answer as to why he'd ran for the hills basically and just before a real life meeting was about to take place. The relationship could never, ever have progressed into the real world and he''d known that from day one!! He was *married*, had two kids and his marriage came first! Naturally! He'd just been some bored married guy, looking for kicks and to live out this second fantasy life online....and I'd fallen for it! Knowing all this, helped me get over him real quick!! But at same time, the fact he'd left the site we chatted on, the fact he didn't keep in touch by txt or phone, the fact he didn't keep his promises, the fact that deep down I had a gut feeling he wasn't who or what he'd said he was...that he'd been dishonest, ungenuine and lying....should really have given me, good enough reasons to move on....I shouldn't have had to call him, to get my answers! I knew I'd been played deep down....I had all of the evidence that I had been. And once you start accepting that you were probably no more than played and start to see them for who they really were and are, liars, dishonest and ungenuine, cold hearted people who care nothing for the feelings of others, etc, etc.... that is when you will find yourself moving on.. I still think guy in your sitch is married and I dare bet I aint wrong! Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 What are you hoping to accomplish by calling? If you just want to keep in touch and find out how he is doing, WITHOUT ANY OTHER EXPECTATIONS, then it is fine to call. However, if you expect to start a relationship, you may be disappointed...so figure out what your motivation is and act accordingly. I simply would like to see how he is doing and make sure he is ok. Yes.. it would be nice to know where he has been, but if he chooses not to offer that then I'm ok with it. Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 And once you start accepting that you were probably no more than played and start to see them for who they really were and are, liars, dishonest and ungenuine, cold hearted people who care nothing for the feelings of others, etc, etc.... that is when you will find yourself moving on.. I do believe this is the key for me here! I just find it sooo hard to believe that after all that time, the long distance phone calls the all day/all night chats.. that I have been taken. I'm sure you understand. Link to comment
DN Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Have you done any research to find out if he is OK - checked newspapers, myspace etc. - stuff like that? As i recall he just suddenly stopped contact after everything seemed ok - so it is possible something happened. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I simply would like to see how he is doing and make sure he is ok. Yes.. it would be nice to know where he has been, but if he chooses not to offer that then I'm ok with it. If that really is the truth, then go ahead and call. I have managed to stay in touch with many people over the years and it is nice to see how they are doing, but I have absolutely no expectations of having romantic relationships with these guys. If they did not call or email, it is because they did not want to be with me, so I do not think one can expect much. That does not mean that you cannot reach out to him, as long as you are prepared for rejection. Link to comment
christinesee Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Have you done any research to find out if he is OK - checked newspapers, myspace etc. - stuff like that? As i recall he just suddenly stopped contact after everything seemed ok - so it is possible something happened. I have done plenty of research and yes.. he is alive, thats about all I know. The site we meet on he's not around any more or atleast not under the same username. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Have you done any research to find out if he is OK - checked newspapers, myspace etc. - stuff like that? As i recall he just suddenly stopped contact after everything seemed ok - so it is possible something happened. As a matter of fact this is very possible. There was a guy I knew who disappeared for quite some time...I emailed and called and did not hear anything....then one day he sent me an email saying that he had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been in the hospital for 3 months....so anything is possible. Link to comment
DN Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I have done plenty of research and yes.. he is alive, thats about all I know. The site we meet on he's not around any more or atleast not under the same username.Then if he is alive I agree contact would be pointless. The fact he hasn't contacted you is all you need to know really and anything else will just be more hurt. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.