Not Invited

[Jewelee]

I used to be really good friends with this guy, we used to work closely together all day and I was dating one of his friends long- term. He was like 8 years older than me and was engaged and then married during our friendship, which was no problem as we were just friends and never anything but.

 

His wife has never liked me and I’m not really sure why. I guess because I was a younger girl hanging out with her husband and he is a very flirty kind of guy, basically thinks he’s God’s gift, but she is a very attractive woman herself and I am not the kind of girl that needs all the men in the room to want me so I don’t understand it. I’ve never given her any reason to dislike me. I’ve never been friendly with her, no matter how much I’ve tried, (and I really have) but she did not want me anywhere near her husband, and used to say horrible things about me all the time, which she would later deny.

 

I eventually broke up with my boyfriend and left the job I was working at to move closer to the city. I saw the guy I used to work with every so often when I came back into town, just at get- togethers with friends and stuff, and we were still as friendly. At the start of this year I moved back into town with my fiancée, and was hanging around the same people I used to, including him and his wife.

 

Here’s what I was getting to; I was at a barbecue with the group this weekend, (he and his wife were not there) when everyone started discussing what they were going as to the guy’s themed 30th birthday party. I had not been told of the party. I was the only person out of all our friends not to receive an invite.

 

I’m no quite sure what to do. I’m very embarrassed now that all our friends are aware I am the only one not invited, and I know it must have been at his wife’s insistence. I feel so left out. How can I hang out with this couple again knowing they purposely left me off the guest list? What am I going to say when I see them again? I don’t want to make a big deal of it, but it really hurt me. Also, if I cut this couple off I would also have to stop hanging out with my other friends, as we all hang out in a big group.

 

How should I handle this situation? Am I being overly sensitive? Should I just let it go and pretend I’m not bothered?

 

Also, just to add, his wife didn't want me at their wedding either, but he insisted and she was not happy. If I talk to him without her and do get an invite from him, I don't know how well that would go over. I don't want to start any trouble between them.

[Poke_RC]

I would not try to get an invite as if his wife is jealous of you she will just see this as you muscling in on something you're apparently not welcome to.

 

I would just pretend it has never happened, even if it is awkward...then next time you decide to have an event or something i would purposely invite his wife just to show her that you don't care

[agent1607307371]

Ignore it and go do something cool that night.

 

 

The fact that all your friends know you were singled out doesn't reflect badly on you.

[Lana0120]

I agree with Poke RC. I can understand you being upset about this, but there's really not much that you can do except show that YOU are the better person here.

[Jewelee]

I guess you're all pretty much right guys.

 

It's just that if I pretend it's all okay, what am I going to do when my friends all discuss how the party went? Especially if his wife starts to right in front of me? This isn't just a little barbecue & drinks in the backyard party, it's his 30th, and will be a huge deal with nearly everybody in town going, not just our little circle.

 

I know his wife will go on about it while I'm sitting right there. She often makes little comments and remarks about me to my face and then tries to make it seem like I'm taking them the wrong way.

 

I just don't get why he would allow this, we were so close. Even if he had told me she didn't want me to go, I could have come up with a reason why I couldn't make it, and everyone could have been happy without me being publicly rejected. I don't know why they'd do it this way.

[BetterKarma]

His wife obviously sees you as a threat and is insecure about your relationship with her husband. Which reflects poorly on her relationship with him.

 

I would leave it alone and just let them be. He's probably allowing it to happen to keep the peace in his marriage.

 

If she starts bringing it up, just say "Sounds like a great time and everyone had/would have a lot of fun" and leave it. And if you can, distance yourself from them.

[25thfloor]

Ignore it and go do something cool that night.

 

 

The fact that all your friends know you were singled out doesn't reflect badly on you.

 

absolutely! this doesn't reflect on you. don't take it harder that what it is. there are folks (2 out of 50) that i refuse to dine with or go out with. i don't go to their house and they don't get invited to mine. our mutual friends to care less! we just don't care for each other!