Could Use Some Help

[EnPleineNuit]

Hi Everyone,

 

I've been oscillating about whether or not I should even post this, but everyone here seems to be genuinely interested in helping people ... so I thought I would give it a shot.

 

Over the course of this last year my world has been rather turned upside down. And not just mine, but the lives of all related to the events to follow have been irreversibly changed in some way. This last year brought the death of two of my really close friends. One shot himself and another swallowed pills with the full intention of never waking up ... she didn't. As a result, another friend had a nervous breakdown, she still hasn't recovered and subsequently left to places unknown. Another played the suicide card on me, couldn't deal with everything that had happened. Threatening it for over the course of three months - I did all I could think of to help, but in the end he simply wouldn't stop the constant threats that grew more and more serious as time went on ... eventually, when I just couldn't handle it anymore, I tried the suicide prevention hotline, was told to contact the police. I was on the phone with dozens of people for days trying to find him and get him some help. As a result he began extremely upset with me for getting the police involved and he sent me a final message claiming his "blood was on my hands now." I have no idea what happened after that.

 

Apparently these events changed me in some way for the worse, as I was told by the few friends I had left, and they didn't want to hang around any longer. In the end, I was left alone and fairly broken. Which is, honestly, such a better position than what my friends had been in. I ended up leaving the town I was in, changing states, moving to a new city. I try my best everyday to put these memories out of my head, but I can't seem to. I did the drinking thing for a while, as stupid as it was, and of course it never helps ... I guess I realized that before anything terribly serious came of it. I can't seem to form any connections with people. Where once I came by friends and could start conversations easily, I am now terrified of other people. I force myself to go out, to hang around downtown cafés and bookstores, to simply be around people, but it's no use. I've really been trying to help myself.

 

I don't want to take pills to help, I don't want to see a psychiatrist - I know what is wrong and why it is wrong. I simply need some help answering this question ... how does one go about starting over? How can I get back to making friends and being comfortable around people? Where do you start, where do you go? Being this alone only gives me more time to dwell on my thoughts and that obviously won't help things. I just don't know. I sincerely hope that this doesn't come accross as whiny, as a "why did this happen to me" sort of thing, it's not what I intended as I am hardly the victim here ... I just really could use some help dealing with it.

 

Thanks so much.

[Iris-PJ]

First of all welcome to ENA.

 

I hope getting it all out has helped you some.

 

I am so sorry for the tragic things that have happened to you. From reading your post I can tell you are a strong person, and by no means did it come of as "whiny". You are a person going through a really hard time, venting is welcomed here. I can't even comprehend the pain and suffering you must have endured. But thankfully you are looking for the positive, you want to be happy and are looking to heal.

 

We are all responsible for ourselves, so as much as you wanted to help and were there for your friends, it was their decision to end their lives, you shouldn't feel guilt. Take time to really get over everything that happened, address it and start moving away from that negative point in your life. Write a letter to your friends (save it away) telling them you forgive them for giving up and to forgive you for not being able to do more, explaining why you think things happened the way they did, etc... everything that was left unsaid but that is inside of you-your fears, how this affected you, and address the "why did this happen to me"? You need to get it all out, believe me it helps to put it all down, you learn a lot about yourself. Because after all "a problem well stated is a problem half solved" D.Carnegie, and once you write it all out, until you are tired of the situation you can find clarity. From clarity comes peace of mind.

 

 

I suggest you take more time to heal but also keep going to coffee houses and bookstores, they are great places to meet people, sooner or later you will become a regular and will become familiar with other regulars and employees...that is what I did to make new friends in a new town. I also commend you for staying off the meds, in my opinion they only make things worse, I have read so many articles where meds make depression worse and people violent... we all need to vent to someone, consider having a penpal in lieu of a psychiatrist. Visit a support group. Join a dance class or bowling team, just stay active and around people.

 

these are just some suggestions, I hope it helps.

 

If you need someone to root for you, everyone here at ENA are very supportive and you are welcome to PM me. I will be rooting for you.

 

Please take care. I wish you all the best.

-pj

[Anotherday]

Wow, my heart goes out to you and I understand why you would be terrified of other people now. I do hope you come back here and continue to post. You are not in any way responsible for the choices other people make. And you sound like an incredibly strong person. You have my admiration and you will get through it. Maybe changing states was a good idea. Sometimes that is what it takes. I am so sorry your other friends stopped hanging around. That is just horrible. Sounds to me like everyone just became overwhelmed and if there is anyway you can not take their shortcomings personally, that would be very good.

[EnPleineNuit]

Thank you both very much for your input. Your responses mean a lot to me. I think I will maybe try some of your suggestions, Iris ... though I'm sure a dance class will prove to be a good laugh for all involved I really don't hold anything against anyone for what went on ... and I'm really working on getting over the guilt part. I know time will take care of most of it.

 

Thank you both again for your support!

[Iris-PJ]

Thank you both very much for your input. Your responses mean a lot to me. I think I will maybe try some of your suggestions, Iris ... though I'm sure a dance class will prove to be a good laugh for all involved I really don't hold anything against anyone for what went on ... and I'm really working on getting over the guilt part. I know time will take care of most of it.

 

Thank you both again for your support!

 

 

I am happy you are staying so positive! I am glad I could help and I commend you on taking a dance class! It is fun and yes very humorous! Believe me there will be a lot of random people in those classes, from beginners to experts to older married couples to single guys and ladies trying to bust a move, to people that can't dance and to those that were born to dance... it is a fun time, and the laughter is good for the soul!

 

all the best,

-pj