Long-distance to even longer-distance... how do you do it?

[elle_em]

I'm 22, and have been with my boyfriend for a year and 8 months. Of those 20 months, 12 have been long distance. My boyfriend is American, myself Canadian. We met through a friend of mine while he was in Canada playing hockey. So far, we have been very lucky in our long distance situation. We see each other nearly every weekend. Either he makes the long drive here, or I drive down to see him.

 

The longest period of time we have spent apart is two weeks... and it is absolute hell. I hear the stories of people spending months apart and not only am I amazed that they can do it, but it makes my stomach do a flip. Now, after this year and 8 months of mild long distance, we're now going to experience a period of longer times apart. There will be instances where a month will pass without seeing one another, but typically the time apart will be two weeks.

 

What's most troubling to me, is that this has the potential to go on for four full years, without break. We wont be able to see each other because of his hectic college hockey schedule, and there will be days in the week where our schedules won't leave us any room to talk. Its such a scary thought and I question myself everyday whether or not I will have the strength to endure it. I really don't see myself having a choice in the matter because to be without him forever just wont do, but i can't imagine the heartache... and wonder how people do it.

 

All I want is to be with him. Selfishly enough I just wish he felt a stronger need to be close to me than to be far away with a hugely hectic hockey schedule plus his studies. I feel so selfish and guilty but in the back of my head and heart I hold out hope that in the midst of him going away to experience this, he will just miss me so much that he will want to transfer closer to me. The unfortunate part of that being that there isn't really an option to play hockey close to me and he would have to give that up.

 

What do you do, or where do you look for encouragement during a sometimes very thankless and strenuous committment? I feel like my whole life is on hold waiting for him to pursue his dream... and all I want is to be with him. Thinking of the years we have a head of us... I get so overwhelmed and so scared.

 

Any advice, encouragement or stories would be appreciated.

[ManAbout]

It looks like you have gotten in wayyyy over your head. This is not a healthy situation for you. Guys playing hockey, on the road for extended period of times, it is going to put a LOT of strain on the relationship. And I think he is going to find it very hard to stay faithful to you, nearly impossible. I think you should take a step back, because from the looks of it, you are setting yourself up for serious heart break.

[fastball2113]

your wanting him to give up something he wants to do? i understand you really love the guy..i can tell, but if you say to him what you are thinking to yourself it will only drive him away. as someone who was dedicated to a nationally ranked high school team, i had to deal with the schedule, work and a girl. when i started hearing her complain about me not being available, even though we werent official, i broke it off. she knew coming in that it wasnt guna be easy, so just keep doing what your doing

[sophie274]

Hi,

 

I go to college with my boyfriend, so I typically see him every day during the school year. However, every summer (this year is the third one running) we have been apart for most of the summer. First summer, we parted the first week of June, saw each other for a week the first week of August, and then not until mid-September. Second summer, we did not see each other the entire summer (3.5 months). This summer, we parted first week of June, saw each other for 4 days over 4th of July, and will not see each other until the second week of September. The first summer was quite hard, at first, but then I got used to him. I still miss him a lot, but I have other things to do, other friends, a different social life, and even though I look forward to seeing him in the fall, I am able to go on without spending all day every day missing him.

 

To be honest, it sounds like you are bit too attached/dependent on your boyfriend. It will be a good growing experience for you to be have to learn to do without him for 2 weeks at a time - not that much!! - and to not speak with him every night. You should not just want to be with him: there are so many other things for you to do at this time in your life! I really think you need to learn to be happy without him there - even while missing him and looking forward to seeing him again.

 

Don't put the relationship before you the person and him the person. He should not be giving up hockey so he can be with you all the time. Seeing each other every two weeks is very reasonable for an LDR - be thankful! My sister was in one where they would see each other AT MOST every two months, and they were over 6000 miles apart. They still made it work for two weeks. Please don't resent your boyfriend for playing hockey - that is selfish and will drive a wedge between you. While he is gone, work on a building a life that he fits into but is not ALL OF, like it sounds now.

 

Chin up girl. You will be fine!